There was a story in the paper today about a dog that ran 3 miles just to find a stick...
I thought it was a little far fetched.
What did Darth Vader say when his car broke down 3 miles outside of town?
A buddy of mine named his dog “5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles
But today he ran over 5 Miles
I Would Walk 500 Miles
Little known fact:
When The Proclaimers sang “I Would Walk 500 Miles, And I Would Walk 500 More”, they were talking about a man who was planning to become a dog walker for two rich families, both of whom owned 500 tiny, yappy, hyper dogs names Miles, to make enough money to go visit his girlfriend. It was a very tiring job.
Know why they use knots instead of miles in the ocean?
Because they've got to keep the ocean tide.
What did the blonde do when she found out most accidents occur within 20 miles of the home?
Why is it that nobody who lives within ten miles of Wisconsin's Forest Home Cemetery is allowed to be buried there?
Because they're all still alive!!
What’s the more important race, a 5k or a mile?
The 5k because a mile race doesn’t meter.
Heard they are calling that Johnson and Johnson vaccine “8 mile”
Because you only get one shot.
Never criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
That way you are a mile away and you have their shoes.
At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day.
She's 92 now. We have no idea where she is.
My doctor told me to walk at least 2 miles a day
It's been a month and I have no idea where I am or how to get home
My buddy Miles went on a Europe trip after his graduation.
He loved the culture so much he changed his name to Kilometres.
TIL that the deepest part of the ocean is nearly 7 miles
Did you hear about the baseball player who can spot a fast food restaurant from miles away?
He leads the league in Arby eyes.
I just read most auto accidents occur within 3 miles from home.
Did you know there’s a law stating no one living within 5 miles of a cemetery can be buried there?
I just walked 5 miles, and boy...
... are my calves mooing.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 now and we don't know where in the world she is!
I once tied my dog’s stick to a balloon, he brought it back from several miles away...
I know, it sounds a bit far-fetched.
When my Grandad turned 60, I told him to run a mile a day.
Now he’s 72 and I don’t know where he is.
A friend of mine claims he can throw a stick 5 miles and his pet dog will retrieve it.
I think that's a bit far fetched.
"I can see for miles",
said Miles' seeing-eye dog.
I went on a 20 mile hike the other day
It was a soul-crushing experience.
Were you forced to walk 500 miles then walk 500 more?
You could be due compensation. Contact the Pro-Claimers now!
I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.
"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers."
Said the city's most hated cab driver.
I read online that you are significantly more likely to get into an accident within 5 miles of your house.
I just paid £25 for a 3 mile taxi ride to a launderette...
I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners!
Step 1: Name your dog 5 miles.
Step 2: Brag that you walk 5 miles every day
I saw a sign that said "Rest area 25 miles"...
I thought,wow, that's pretty big
On his 60th Birthday, I asked my grandpa to start running 5 miles a day.
Now he’s 65 and I don’t know where he is.
My grandfather claims that he had to walk 10 miles to bring water back to his village.
I think that’s a bit far fetched.
I tried walking a mile in someone else's shoes the other day...
Had to stop early though. Apparently the other guy called it stealing.
Did you hear about the financial analyst who went skydiving but missed the landing spot by a mile?
He was an expert in the field
Edit: I made this up myself!
My friend Miles has just gotten his UK citizenship.
He is now known as Kilometres.
About a week ago, I started walking 5 miles a day...
I now haven’t got the slightest idea where I am.
Wow this joke was miles ahead of me when this came out
I named my dog Five Miles....
I tell people I walk Five Miles every morning and evening
I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.
So we named him Kilometers
Officer: "Don't you know the speed limit is 65 miles per hour?"
Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."
During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles.
Who the hell runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?
Those northern canadians can smell a liar a mile away
And they wont have Nunavut
Why was the Death Star measured in miles?
Because they used Imperial units.
I named my dog Five miles
So i can tell Everyone i walked Five miles today
I ran over 5 miles today
Like, what are the odds they were all named Miles? Crazy.
Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes.
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