A buddy of mine named his dog β€œ5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles

But today he ran over 5 Miles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Heard they are calling that Johnson and Johnson vaccine β€œ8 mile”

Because you only get one shot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_cptan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Never criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

That way you are a mile away and you have their shoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mighty_Platypus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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My doctor told me to walk at least 2 miles a day

It's been a month and I have no idea where I am or how to get home

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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My buddy Miles went on a Europe trip after his graduation.

He loved the culture so much he changed his name to Kilometres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-ay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day.

She's 92 now. We have no idea where she is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I walked 5 Miles
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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TIL that the deepest part of the ocean is nearly 7 miles

That's hard to fathom

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Did you hear about the baseball player who can spot a fast food restaurant from miles away?

He leads the league in Arby eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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I just read most auto accidents occur within 3 miles from home.

That’s it we’re moving!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Did you know there’s a law stating no one living within 5 miles of a cemetery can be buried there?

Because they’re living

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DronePilotNYC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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I just walked 5 miles, and boy...

... are my calves mooing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kiltebeest
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.

She's 97 now and we don't know where in the world she is!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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I once tied my dog’s stick to a balloon, he brought it back from several miles away...

I know, it sounds a bit far-fetched.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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When my Grandad turned 60, I told him to run a mile a day.

Now he’s 72 and I don’t know where he is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Aarsh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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I went on a 20 mile hike the other day

It was a soul-crushing experience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aok76
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.

He was hauling adze!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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A friend of mine claims he can throw a stick 5 miles and his pet dog will retrieve it.

I think that's a bit far fetched.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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"I can see for miles",

said Miles' seeing-eye dog.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Were you forced to walk 500 miles then walk 500 more?

You could be due compensation. Contact the Pro-Claimers now!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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I just paid Β£25 for a 3 mile taxi ride to a launderette...

I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ilovegingerhair18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers."

Said the city's most hated cab driver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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I read online that you are significantly more likely to get into an accident within 5 miles of your house.

So I moved 6 miles away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourenotmymom69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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On his 60th Birthday, I asked my grandpa to start running 5 miles a day.

Now he’s 65 and I don’t know where he is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Aarsh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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My grandfather claims that he had to walk 10 miles to bring water back to his village.

I think that’s a bit far fetched.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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Did you hear about the financial analyst who went skydiving but missed the landing spot by a mile?

He was an expert in the field

Edit: I made this up myself!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImNudeyRudey
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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I tried walking a mile in someone else's shoes the other day...

Had to stop early though. Apparently the other guy called it stealing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rathabro
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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I saw a sign that said "Rest area 25 miles"...

I thought,wow, that's pretty big

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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My friend Miles has just gotten his UK citizenship.

He is now known as Kilometres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-ay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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Step 1: Name your dog 5 miles.

Step 2: Brag that you walk 5 miles every day

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
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About a week ago, I started walking 5 miles a day...

I now haven’t got the slightest idea where I am.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfchompmyanus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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I named my dog Five Miles....

I tell people I walk Five Miles every morning and evening

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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Wow this joke was miles ahead of me when this came out
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trsweeney14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Those northern canadians can smell a liar a mile away

And they wont have Nunavut

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.

So we named him Kilometers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/byebyebyecycle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles.

Who the hell runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viperfour
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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Officer: "Don't you know the speed limit is 65 miles per hour?"

Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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The doctor told me I had to start walking three miles a day to get fit

It's been two weeks and I don't know how to get home

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Little_Mog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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Did you hear about the dog that ran ten miles to retrieve a stick?

That sounds a little far fetched

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclerudy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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Why did the chicken cross the road at 100 miles per hour?

Because she was a fast mother clucker!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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Why was the Death Star measured in miles?

Because they used Imperial units.

πŸ‘︎ 854
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
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I had to walk 50 miles to get to my home. There, I saw a welcoming sight.

It was the mat on my front stoop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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Which state has the most streets per square mile?

It's Rhode Island.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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Exercise can add years to your life. I just ran two miles and already I'm feeling

20 years older.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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All this fuss about joining the mile high club?

I personally couldn't give a flying fuck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkBlueMullet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2017
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My wife and I were arguing on an airplane. She was trying to convince me to join the mile high club...

I told her,

"I'm sorry, but I don't give a flying fuck."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugle_Boy_Jeans
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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I ran over 5 miles today

Like, what are the odds they were all named Miles? Crazy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J3ST3RR
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sobrasada1009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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I'm going to name my next dog Five Miles

...so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/luna-love-good
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report

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