Music puns sometimes hit the high notes
What did Darth Vader say when his car broke down 3 miles outside of town?
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.
Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.
Know why they use knots instead of miles in the ocean?
Because they've got to keep the ocean tide.
A buddy of mine named his dog “5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles
But today he ran over 5 Miles
Why is it that nobody who lives within ten miles of Wisconsin's Forest Home Cemetery is allowed to be buried there?
Because they're all still alive!!
What’s the more important race, a 5k or a mile?
The 5k because a mile race doesn’t meter.
High but not so high IQ meme
Don't know if this was posted here before
Heard they are calling that Johnson and Johnson vaccine “8 mile”
Because you only get one shot.
Never criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
That way you are a mile away and you have their shoes.
The oven temperature was having fun getting high so the cookies decided to join in
A guy asked me, “so what brings you to the city?”
I said, “I dunno a plane? Sometimes I drive”
I made some ideas into images to put on to phone cases. This is my favourite - Get Off Your High Horse
Got my gf good with this one just now... I showed her a picture of the Mexico City skyline and she said, "that's intense!"
I said no, I'm pretty sure they're all buildings.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
A lobster and a shrimp opened a highly expensive pufferfish shop.
I guess selfish shellfish sell swell fish.
When I was young I was a graffiti artist and had my name all over the city but as I got older I thought "This has to stop".
"The writing's on the wall."
Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are always sick on weekdays.
Me: It must be my weekend immune system.
If you're a janitor at a dispensary, that makes you high maintenance
Giraffes can never apologize to each other.
It takes them too long to swallow their pride.
All this fuss about joining the mile high club?
I personally couldn't give a flying fuck.
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
My doctor told me to walk at least 2 miles a day
It's been a month and I have no idea where I am or how to get home
My two year old was playing cars and blocks with my wife, when she (the toddler) put a block on the road on her city map carpet and said:
At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day.
She's 92 now. We have no idea where she is.
Everyone expected him to go postal from the way he was raised, on a high fiber diet...
He had a roughage childhood.
Did you hear that a car full of garlic, ginger, and lemongrass ran a red light in the middle of the city, injuring tens of people?
It was a fragrant disregard for public safety.
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
It is so hot in my city that I decided to meet my ex
She gave me a cold shoulder.
My wife couldn’t believe I took my old high school bully out tonight.
My wife and I were arguing on an airplane. She was trying to convince me to join the mile high club...
I told her,
"I'm sorry, but I don't give a flying fuck."
In coal country there was a highly-regarded regional dish made from the community’s table scraps.
You can’t make it legally anymore though. A judge ruled that all the people supplying food were contributing to the delicacy of a miner.
A guy was in a booth giving out free high fives
Another guy comes up to him and asks “do you have any down lows?” The guy said “sorry I’m all out, you were too slow”
A man took a bullet to the face in a shooting last week. If anyone has any information please call city police.
The only thing they have to go on is the mug shot.
[Credit to u/Vishalbharadwaj21] I have the high ground
Despite being tiny, the Republic of Ireland has the capital city with the highest population growth in the world...
I named my dog Five miles
So i can tell Everyone i walked Five miles today
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