Noah Fant's.
He looks at me and says "Because they aren't dead yet".
He woke up.
to Pascal. He hopes to contain Cam Newton to a one meter square area.
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy? He was too far out, man
I spotted a turtle swimming in one of the ponds. A kid with a family next to me excitedly said, "it looks like he 's coming over here!"
To which I replied, "yeah, he's coming right tortoise."
http://www.livememe.com/kv2y91d
My dad and I were talking about how some people find team names like the Chiefs and Redskins offensive. Out of respect for these people, he started referring to KC as the "Kansas City Executives." Took me a minute to get it. Very funny dad.
My dad was picking me up at the airport yesterday. I had just flown in from Denver. After reading an article on reddit, I paid more attention to the apocalyptic artwork around the airport, and decided to ask my dad if he had heard of any conspiracy theories.
DAD: Wouldn't surprise me if that were true, what with all the scandal surrounding Mayor PeΓ±a.
ME: Who was that?
DAD: He was the mayor of Denver for a long time. They named the street PeΓ±a Boulevard after him even! It's crazy. I heard they even wanted to name town hall after him.
ME: But they didn't because of a scandal...?
DAD: Nah. They just felt weird naming it the "Hall of PeΓ±a". Get it, JalapeΓ±o?
ME: ...
Food truck with eggs being the theme in every dish.
"The Poach Coach"
Popular dishes:
- Eggs Been a Dick (2 poached eggs and 1 average but adequate size sausage)
- Omelette that one slide (you're choice of filling, but don't fucking test me)
- The Dwight Yolk Em' (served in a plastic cowboy hat to go. Must eat while walking the streets of Bakersfield) 4.The Mr. Burns Eggcellent Scramble (smithered with cheese)
- The Quiche a Grey (oralgasmic quiche with a money shot of sausage gravy)
- The John Denver Omelette (full of all kinds of shit)
- Jesus'ed egg (basically a deviled egg only more judgmental and boiled in holy water)
Some kid was shining a laser pointer out the window on a flight from Denver to Des Moines.
I would tell my co-workers to keep at it, because it would be Fort Worth It!
Now we are headed to Denver for a while, and I need a new one. Any suggestions?
I told him "Good luck in all your future en-denvers."
The Denver Zoo just announced one of the sloths would be having a baby soon... I told my kids that there is only one best name for a sloth... Cole....
