Kilometer Morales
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClubTactical
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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Someone once told me that their dog could retrieve a ball from up to a kilometer away

It seems a bit far-fetched to me

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bleepbleepblop_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2018
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Imperial>
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_its_shayan_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.

I saw it coming from a kilometer away.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Ever since the pandemic started, every morning I proudly announce to my family that I’m going for a jog and then I don’t...

It’s my longest running joke of the year so far...

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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My wife wants a divorce for being too un American

I saw that coming a kilometer away

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superbirdtj
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What the fuck is a 401k?

I can barely run 2 miles.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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I'm a big fan of Eminem...

Especially his movie "12.9 Kilometer"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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What is Spider-Man’s name in England?

Kilometers Morales

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mush_Tilly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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The first French fries weren’t cooked in France.

They were cooked in Greece.

πŸ‘︎ 397
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SycamoreLover
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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I dislike greedy Brits....

....If you give them 2.54 centimeters, they'll take 1.60934 kilometers.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jedi1josh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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A husband sees his baby on the ultrasound for the first time...

The ultrasound technician asks what names they thought of.

The dad remarks "his name will be Miles. Kilometer for short."

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe?

Kilometer Cyrus

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasberryjam5151
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.

So we named him Kilometers

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byebyebyecycle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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What did the buffalo say when his son left?

Bison!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/christmasbush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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What Do German GPS Systems Say When You Reach Your Destination?

Nein Miles Left To Destination

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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What if Spiderman was from London instead of NY?

They would have called him Kilometers Morales.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sagarkaniche
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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Why does Miles Davis hate traveling in Europe?

because they keep calling him Kilometers Davis there

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/npg33
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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I asked my friend Miles if he was interested in knowing how his name is pronounced in Europe he said sure so I replied

Kilometers

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexbeltran43
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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Naming your son Miles is a stupid decision

You have to go through all the hassle of changing it to Kilometers if you leave the US.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KNTL94
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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An ancient Babylonian general was involved in a plot to overthrow the king...

An ancient Babylonian general was involved in a plot to overthrow the king. But, the plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail.

The general managed to escape and he fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away to meet his followers. Unfortunately, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn't sure his men would find the right one. So, the fugitive general lit a small fire to signal them.

The other generals of the king's army saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and they rushed over and killed him.

The moral of the story?

The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notyourreality
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
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Important safety warning!

An ancient Babylonian general was once involved in a plot to overthrow the king. His plot included a number of followers in the upper ranks of the army. However, his plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail. The king sentenced him to death without a trial.

However, from the jail he was able to secretly contact his followers to arrange to escape, meet his followers, and attack the king's palace at night. So the night before his scheduled execution, the general managed to escape from prison. He fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away, where his followers would meet him. However, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn't sure if his cohorts would find the right ziggurat. By this time it was twilight, so he lit a small fire and sent smoke signals to indicate in which structure he was hiding.

However, the king's loyal soldiers saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and came to arrest him before he could meet his followers. He was executed later that day.

The moral of the story? WARNING: The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkBrokeMyPots
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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My sisters boyfriend dadjoked her!

I asked my sister if she knew any jazz that I would like. She said "Miles Davis", and then her boyfriend said "Is there a Kilometers Davis?"

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JPeddle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2014
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"See that cemetary over there?"

My dad's favourite joke:

"See that cemetary over there? Did you know that nobody living within a 1 kilometer (mile) radius is allowed to be buried there!"

"But why dad?"

"Because it's illegal to bury people that are still living"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChickenWiddle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2013
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What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe?

Kilometer Cyrus

πŸ‘︎ 237
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rollingpeanut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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