A buddy of mine named his dog “5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles
But today he ran over 5 Miles
At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day.
She's 92 now. We have no idea where she is.
TIL that the deepest part of the ocean is nearly 7 miles
Did you hear about the baseball player who can spot a fast food restaurant from miles away?
He leads the league in Arby eyes.
I just read most auto accidents occur within 3 miles from home.
Did you know there’s a law stating no one living within 5 miles of a cemetery can be buried there?
I just walked 5 miles, and boy...
... are my calves mooing.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 now and we don't know where in the world she is!
I once tied my dog’s stick to a balloon, he brought it back from several miles away...
I know, it sounds a bit far-fetched.
When my Grandad turned 60, I told him to run a mile a day.
Now he’s 72 and I don’t know where he is.
I went on a 20 mile hike the other day
It was a soul-crushing experience.
I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.
A friend of mine claims he can throw a stick 5 miles and his pet dog will retrieve it.
I think that's a bit far fetched.
Were you forced to walk 500 miles then walk 500 more?
You could be due compensation. Contact the Pro-Claimers now!
"I can see for miles",
said Miles' seeing-eye dog.
I just paid £25 for a 3 mile taxi ride to a launderette...
I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners!
I read online that you are significantly more likely to get into an accident within 5 miles of your house.
"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers."
Said the city's most hated cab driver.
On his 60th Birthday, I asked my grandpa to start running 5 miles a day.
Now he’s 65 and I don’t know where he is.
My grandfather claims that he had to walk 10 miles to bring water back to his village.
I think that’s a bit far fetched.
Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes.
Did you hear about the financial analyst who went skydiving but missed the landing spot by a mile?
He was an expert in the field
Edit: I made this up myself!
I tried walking a mile in someone else's shoes the other day...
Had to stop early though. Apparently the other guy called it stealing.
I saw a sign that said "Rest area 25 miles"...
I thought,wow, that's pretty big
My friend Miles has just gotten his UK citizenship.
He is now known as Kilometres.
Step 1: Name your dog 5 miles.
Step 2: Brag that you walk 5 miles every day
About a week ago, I started walking 5 miles a day...
I now haven’t got the slightest idea where I am.
I named my dog Five Miles....
I tell people I walk Five Miles every morning and evening
Wow this joke was miles ahead of me when this came out
Those northern canadians can smell a liar a mile away
And they wont have Nunavut
I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.
So we named him Kilometers
During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles.
Who the hell runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?
Officer: "Don't you know the speed limit is 65 miles per hour?"
Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."
The doctor told me I had to start walking three miles a day to get fit
It's been two weeks and I don't know how to get home
Why did the chicken cross the road at 100 miles per hour?
Because she was a fast mother clucker!!
Did you hear about the dog that ran ten miles to retrieve a stick?
That sounds a little far fetched
I had to walk 50 miles to get to my home. There, I saw a welcoming sight.
It was the mat on my front stoop.
Which state has the most streets per square mile?
Why was the Death Star measured in miles?
Because they used Imperial units.
Exercise can add years to your life. I just ran two miles and already I'm feeling
My wife and I were arguing on an airplane. She was trying to convince me to join the mile high club...
I told her,
"I'm sorry, but I don't give a flying fuck."
Just witnessed a septic cleaning truck use the left lane for a right turn, using no signal, and then proceeded to drive 10 miles under the speed limit...
Turns out he was a shit driver..
I'd say this liquor is miles above the rest.
After 903 miles, my running shoes are retiring...
It’s been a good run, but their sole just isn’t in it anymore.
I ran over 5 miles today
Like, what are the odds they were all named Miles? Crazy.
I'm going to name my next dog Five Miles
...so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.
All this fuss about joining the mile high club?
I personally couldn't give a flying fuck.
Saw a sign that read," REST AREA 25 MILES"
I thought,wow,that's pretty big!