Were you forced to walk 500 miles then walk 500 more?

You could be due compensation. Contact the Pro-Claimers now!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
I read online that you are significantly more likely to get into an accident within 5 miles of your house.

So I moved 6 miles away.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourenotmymom69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine claims he can throw a stick 5 miles and his pet dog will retrieve it.

I think that's a bit far fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
"I can see for miles",

said Miles' seeing-eye dog.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
On his 60th Birthday, I asked my grandpa to start running 5 miles a day.

Now he’s 65 and I don’t know where he is.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Aarsh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers."

Said the city's most hated cab driver.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
My grandfather claims that he had to walk 10 miles to bring water back to his village.

I think that’s a bit far fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the financial analyst who went skydiving but missed the landing spot by a mile?

He was an expert in the field

Edit: I made this up myself!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImNudeyRudey
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I tried walking a mile in someone else's shoes the other day...

Had to stop early though. Apparently the other guy called it stealing.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rathabro
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sobrasada1009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
My friend Miles has just gotten his UK citizenship.

He is now known as Kilometres.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-ay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
About a week ago, I started walking 5 miles a day...

I now haven’t got the slightest idea where I am.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfchompmyanus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
I saw a sign that said "Rest area 25 miles"...

I thought,wow, that's pretty big

πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Those northern canadians can smell a liar a mile away

And they wont have Nunavut

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
I named my dog Five Miles....

I tell people I walk Five Miles every morning and evening

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Step 1: Name your dog 5 miles.

Step 2: Brag that you walk 5 miles every day

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me I had to start walking three miles a day to get fit

It's been two weeks and I don't know how to get home

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Little_Mog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles.

Who the hell runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viperfour
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.

So we named him Kilometers

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byebyebyecycle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road at 100 miles per hour?

Because she was a fast mother clucker!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Officer: "Don't you know the speed limit is 65 miles per hour?"

Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Wow this joke was miles ahead of me when this came out
πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trsweeney14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to walk 50 miles to get to my home. There, I saw a welcoming sight.

It was the mat on my front stoop.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Which state has the most streets per square mile?

It's Rhode Island.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Exercise can add years to your life. I just ran two miles and already I'm feeling

20 years older.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm going to name my next dog Five Miles

...so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/luna-love-good
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the dog that ran ten miles to retrieve a stick?

That sounds a little far fetched

πŸ‘︎ 110
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unclerudy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were arguing on an airplane. She was trying to convince me to join the mile high club...

I told her,

"I'm sorry, but I don't give a flying fuck."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugle_Boy_Jeans
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Just witnessed a septic cleaning truck use the left lane for a right turn, using no signal, and then proceeded to drive 10 miles under the speed limit...

Turns out he was a shit driver..

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluecaddy5000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw a sign that read," REST AREA 25 MILES"

I thought,wow,that's pretty big!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the Death Star measured in miles?

Because they used Imperial units.

πŸ‘︎ 855
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
🚨︎ report
If you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes...

You will be a master at shoe theft because the victim is both barefoot AND a mile away.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I ran a mile this morning...

But no matter how much I yelled and waved my money in the air, the stupid ice cream truck driver never stopped.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EcksMarksDespot
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd say this liquor is miles above the rest.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
All this fuss about joining the mile high club?

I personally couldn't give a flying fuck.

πŸ‘︎ 682
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkBlueMullet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2017
🚨︎ report
After 903 miles, my running shoes are retiring...

It’s been a good run, but their sole just isn’t in it anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bp1108
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60

Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drew1351
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the dog that ran ten miles to retrieve a stick?

Sounded a little far-fetched to me

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gl3nnsth3man
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My kids are running the mile today in school. I told them to pack extra pairs of socks and shoes.

Because that's a lot of feet

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xander404
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a vampire whos car breaks down 3 miles from the bloodbank

A cab

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaddyBigNips25
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey, did you hear about the semi that overturned and spilled all the rolling chairs onto the highway for several miles?

It was a widespread case of loose stools.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lameoldperson
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does Miles Davis hate traveling in Europe?

because they keep calling him Kilometers Davis there

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/npg33
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
He was violently frustrated to find that his sailboat had drifted a great many miles off course overnight

He needed to work on his anchor management

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Miles morales has a really long name

It’s over a mile long

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mattoo-matte
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My dog once retrieved a stick from 1 mile away...

I know, it sounds a little far fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Truck drivers go the extra mile

when they miss the last exit.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nwatrekker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?

It's by Willie Makit and Betty Wunt.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What word is a mile long

Smile, it has mile in it

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YoungBungalo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend Miles if he was interested in knowing how his name is pronounced in Europe he said sure so I replied

Kilometers

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alexbeltran43
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My buddy said he threw a stick five miles and his dog managed to find it and bring it back...

Seems a bit far-fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cats_n_things
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
🚨︎ report
When my grandpa turned 70, he promised he would walk a mile every day for the rest of his life

It's been three years since then, and I have no idea where he is

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crowningwalrus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I was listening to some inspirational CDs in the car. They kept telling me to go the extra mile.

So I did, and I got lost.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/4ost
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend was telling me a story about how his dog ran 5 miles to get his ball.

I told him that’s a little far fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meade2113
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

...because then you will be a mile ahead of them. And have their shoes.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RicharddHat
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I read most car accidents happen within 5 miles of your own home.

So I moved.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Before criticising someone you should always walk a mile in their shoes

That way you’ll be a mile away And you’ll have their shoes.

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Naming your son Miles is a stupid decision

You have to go through all the hassle of changing it to Kilometers if you leave the US.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KNTL94
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
A 900-pound dog once tried to retrieve a ball thrown over 200 miles.

But it was too far fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flumanchu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
You could say that cars who have a lot of miles are...

exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2076baseballbat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2017
🚨︎ report
I heard the story about the dog who traveled 5 miles to fetch a stick, but I didn't believe it because it was...

too farfetched.

πŸ‘︎ 271
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StumptheTrump1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2016
🚨︎ report
I want to date an very attractive woman who lives four miles away.

I guess she's out of my league.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sw337
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes...

then it's ok, because you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jarajara1861
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
🚨︎ report
That guy from The Proclaimers said he would walk 500 miles, but I don't think he got very far.

He kept running into a Dead Enda, Dead Enda, Dead Enda, deadend deadend deadend deadendada.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eliza_Swain
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I named my new rescue dog five miles...

So when someone asks I can say, "I walk 5 miles every day"

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jetavator
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
🚨︎ report
When you hear the dad joke coming from a mile away

Waitress: β€œSo, will that be one big bill for the table?”

Me: Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it

Dad: β€œCan it be a small check?”

πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JS_sctc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:

"......gneiss guys finish last."

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad is getting rid of his Air Miles Card.

He never used it He said "It's point-less!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chefboyclakie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Did I ever tell you about the hard-working mechanic who had to push his car five miles on its hubcaps?

He was tireless.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SSV_Kearsarge
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Some say you have to join the mile-high club to be considered a good lover...

...but I've never given a flying fuck.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mountainmountain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
How many miles to the Moon?

Zero. We had a Neil, a Buzz an Alan and nine other guys but no Miles.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeyHollywood
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Road-tripping with the family and coming up on the last rest stop for miles...

"Anyone need to go? Speak now or forever hold your pees!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jdsamford
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad used to say that most accidents happen within 10 miles of home....that’s why he moved
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FracturedTruth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Tried to play Miles Davis on my guitar...

...I Kind of Blue it.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/turnipthief
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad started walking five miles a day when he was 60...

Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the heck he is...

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Everest is 7 miles high...

that sounds like a mountain of a challenge.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nirvanaspirit666
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2017
🚨︎ report
I was once in a queue with John Miles and Miles Davis

It didn't take long, but it went on for Miles and Miles.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KitchenParty
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I ran over a rock that was 1 mile across

What a milestone

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eliaspett123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2015
🚨︎ report
Man, I saw this one coming a mile away...

A few minutes ago, I was pretty thirsty, so I said aloud to myself, "I feel like a glass of milk," and went to get some from the fridge.

My dad of course heard me say this, and he came up to me as I was pouring myself a glass. He just patted my arm a few times and said "No".

I groaned because I knew exactly what he was thinking as soon as I was his eyes light up with that "this is gonna be hilarious" look.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LordDrewpicus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2015
🚨︎ report
My blind friend Miles was telling me his service dog just spoke to him the other day....

...."I can see for Miles."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
🚨︎ report
I want to get a dog and name it Five-Miles.

So I can say I walk Five-Miles everyday.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ride_The_Scorpion
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2016
🚨︎ report
Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes

Then you're a mile away and you have their shoes!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skottagecheese
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
🚨︎ report
I can hear him chuckling from 2000 miles away

I am sure he is real proud if this one πŸ™„

https://imgur.com/gallery/CRiGc

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EmbarkingZebra
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you ever hear about the joke that was 50 miles away?

It took me a while to get it.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brosephed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2015
🚨︎ report
90% of the pumpkins in the USA are raised within a ninety mile radius of Peoria, Illinois. That's gourd to know.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ralph-Hinkley
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2016
🚨︎ report
Walk a mile in the shoes of a man with no legs

It just socks

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shepeedonme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2015
🚨︎ report
We had a cow who's milk was so good, people would travel miles for it.

It was Legen-dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PieterPoffer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2016
🚨︎ report
(x-post from /r/jokes) I tried to redeem airline miles for a flight on St Patrick's Day

But I was told I couldn't because it is a blackout day.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Banana_Hammock_Up
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
🚨︎ report
"I read an article years ago that most wrecks happen within a quarter mile of your house..."

"...so I moved."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tigerjane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2015
🚨︎ report
Most car accidents happen within 10 miles of home

Why don't they just move?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yellowyn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2015
🚨︎ report

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