Were you forced to walk 500 miles then walk 500 more?
You could be due compensation. Contact the Pro-Claimers now!
I read online that you are significantly more likely to get into an accident within 5 miles of your house.
A friend of mine claims he can throw a stick 5 miles and his pet dog will retrieve it.
I think that's a bit far fetched.
"I can see for miles",
said Miles' seeing-eye dog.
On his 60th Birthday, I asked my grandpa to start running 5 miles a day.
Now he’s 65 and I don’t know where he is.
"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers."
Said the city's most hated cab driver.
My grandfather claims that he had to walk 10 miles to bring water back to his village.
I think that’s a bit far fetched.
Did you hear about the financial analyst who went skydiving but missed the landing spot by a mile?
He was an expert in the field
Edit: I made this up myself!
I tried walking a mile in someone else's shoes the other day...
Had to stop early though. Apparently the other guy called it stealing.
Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes.
My friend Miles has just gotten his UK citizenship.
He is now known as Kilometres.
About a week ago, I started walking 5 miles a day...
I now haven’t got the slightest idea where I am.
I saw a sign that said "Rest area 25 miles"...
I thought,wow, that's pretty big
Those northern canadians can smell a liar a mile away
And they wont have Nunavut
I named my dog Five Miles....
I tell people I walk Five Miles every morning and evening
Step 1: Name your dog 5 miles.
Step 2: Brag that you walk 5 miles every day
The doctor told me I had to start walking three miles a day to get fit
It's been two weeks and I don't know how to get home
During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles.
Who the hell runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?
I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.
So we named him Kilometers
Why did the chicken cross the road at 100 miles per hour?
Because she was a fast mother clucker!!
Officer: "Don't you know the speed limit is 65 miles per hour?"
Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."
Wow this joke was miles ahead of me when this came out
I had to walk 50 miles to get to my home. There, I saw a welcoming sight.
It was the mat on my front stoop.
Which state has the most streets per square mile?
Exercise can add years to your life. I just ran two miles and already I'm feeling
I'm going to name my next dog Five Miles
...so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.
Did you hear about the dog that ran ten miles to retrieve a stick?
That sounds a little far fetched
My wife and I were arguing on an airplane. She was trying to convince me to join the mile high club...
I told her,
"I'm sorry, but I don't give a flying fuck."
Just witnessed a septic cleaning truck use the left lane for a right turn, using no signal, and then proceeded to drive 10 miles under the speed limit...
Turns out he was a shit driver..
Saw a sign that read," REST AREA 25 MILES"
I thought,wow,that's pretty big!
Why was the Death Star measured in miles?
Because they used Imperial units.
If you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes...
You will be a master at shoe theft because the victim is both barefoot AND a mile away.
I ran a mile this morning...
But no matter how much I yelled and waved my money in the air, the stupid ice cream truck driver never stopped.
I'd say this liquor is miles above the rest.
All this fuss about joining the mile high club?
I personally couldn't give a flying fuck.
After 903 miles, my running shoes are retiring...
It’s been a good run, but their sole just isn’t in it anymore.
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60
Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is
Did you hear the one about the dog that ran ten miles to retrieve a stick?
Sounded a little far-fetched to me
My kids are running the mile today in school. I told them to pack extra pairs of socks and shoes.
Because that's a lot of feet
What do you call a vampire whos car breaks down 3 miles from the bloodbank
Hey, did you hear about the semi that overturned and spilled all the rolling chairs onto the highway for several miles?
It was a widespread case of loose stools.
Why does Miles Davis hate traveling in Europe?
because they keep calling him Kilometers Davis there
He was violently frustrated to find that his sailboat had drifted a great many miles off course overnight
He needed to work on his anchor management
Miles morales has a really long name
My dog once retrieved a stick from 1 mile away...
I know, it sounds a little far fetched.
Truck drivers go the extra mile
when they miss the last exit.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Willie Makit and Betty Wunt.
I asked my friend Miles if he was interested in knowing how his name is pronounced in Europe he said sure so I replied
My buddy said he threw a stick five miles and his dog managed to find it and bring it back...
When my grandpa turned 70, he promised he would walk a mile every day for the rest of his life
It's been three years since then, and I have no idea where he is
I was listening to some inspirational CDs in the car. They kept telling me to go the extra mile.
So I did, and I got lost.
My friend was telling me a story about how his dog ran 5 miles to get his ball.
I told him that’s a little far fetched.
Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
...because then you will be a mile ahead of them. And have their shoes.
I read most car accidents happen within 5 miles of your own home.
Before criticising someone you should always walk a mile in their shoes
That way you’ll be a mile away
And you’ll have their shoes.
Naming your son Miles is a stupid decision
You have to go through all the hassle of changing it to Kilometers if you leave the US.
A 900-pound dog once tried to retrieve a ball thrown over 200 miles.
But it was too far fetched.
You could say that cars who have a lot of miles are...
I heard the story about the dog who traveled 5 miles to fetch a stick, but I didn't believe it because it was...
I want to date an very attractive woman who lives four miles away.
I guess she's out of my league.
Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes...
then it's ok, because you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.
That guy from The Proclaimers said he would walk 500 miles, but I don't think he got very far.
He kept running into a Dead Enda, Dead Enda, Dead Enda, deadend deadend deadend deadendada.
I named my new rescue dog five miles...
So when someone asks I can say, "I walk 5 miles every day"
When you hear the dad joke coming from a mile away
Waitress: “So, will that be one big bill for the table?”
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Dad: “Can it be a small check?”
Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:
"......gneiss guys finish last."
My dad is getting rid of his Air Miles Card.
He never used it
He said "It's point-less!"
Did I ever tell you about the hard-working mechanic who had to push his car five miles on its hubcaps?
Some say you have to join the mile-high club to be considered a good lover...
...but I've never given a flying fuck.
How many miles to the Moon?
Zero. We had a Neil, a Buzz an Alan and nine other guys but no Miles.
Road-tripping with the family and coming up on the last rest stop for miles...
"Anyone need to go? Speak now or forever hold your pees!"
My dad used to say that most accidents happen within 10 miles of home....that’s why he moved
Tried to play Miles Davis on my guitar...
My dad started walking five miles a day when he was 60...
Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the heck he is...
Everest is 7 miles high...
that sounds like a mountain of a challenge.
I was once in a queue with John Miles and Miles Davis
It didn't take long, but it went on for Miles and Miles.
Yesterday I ran over a rock that was 1 mile across
Man, I saw this one coming a mile away...
A few minutes ago, I was pretty thirsty, so I said aloud to myself, "I feel like a glass of milk," and went to get some from the fridge.
My dad of course heard me say this, and he came up to me as I was pouring myself a glass. He just patted my arm a few times and said "No".
I groaned because I knew exactly what he was thinking as soon as I was his eyes light up with that "this is gonna be hilarious" look.
My blind friend Miles was telling me his service dog just spoke to him the other day....
...."I can see for Miles."
I want to get a dog and name it Five-Miles.
So I can say I walk Five-Miles everyday.
Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes
Then you're a mile away and you have their shoes!
I can hear him chuckling from 2000 miles away
I am sure he is real proud if this one 🙄
Did you ever hear about the joke that was 50 miles away?
It took me a while to get it.
90% of the pumpkins in the USA are raised within a ninety mile radius of Peoria, Illinois. That's gourd to know.
Walk a mile in the shoes of a man with no legs
We had a cow who's milk was so good, people would travel miles for it.
(x-post from /r/jokes) I tried to redeem airline miles for a flight on St Patrick's Day
But I was told I couldn't because it is a blackout day.
"I read an article years ago that most wrecks happen within a quarter mile of your house..."
Most car accidents happen within 10 miles of home
Why don't they just move?