I gotta say, it was quite the warm welcoming
I'm running a booth at an orientation fair at a major university in the south. New out of state student and his dad come up and introduce themselves.
Me: "So, how did you end up in the south?"
Dad: "We drove."
Me: "No, I mean what brought you down here?"
Straight-faced dad: "The car."
A hummusexual
http://m.imgur.com/KilTm4j
But I got lost on the way there.
So I was at orientation for my new job yesterday. There's 2 people there from the company, and 4 of us new people.
After the orientation is done...
Guy next to me: (silences phone because it's ringing) Sorry... my dad's calling me.
Guy from company: What's he calling you? Mine normally calls me my name.
Guy next to me: That's weird! I thought your name was Mike! Nice to meet you, my name!
Both of them both start to crack. I nearly snort what's left of my kit kat up my nose because I started laughing and the other 3 people there are shaking their heads slowly at us.
Side note: both of them are dads and in their 30's. I'm 21, and not a dad.
"No, i think we're all cashiers here."
Inheritance.
Could be a chinese Wispa
Shame I thought it was the dogs bollocks.
Orientation
It’s called Mind Your Peas and Queues.
Will he / she be disoriented?
Yeah, he's very Korea Oriented.
They're calling it "Fiddy's witty itty bitty nitty gritty city kitty ditty".
My dad was born in Japan. We're an average looking white family. My dad says he doesn't look Asian because when he crossed the ocean he became disoriented.
Turns out it was a toupee made in China.
DAD : "poof , you are now a sandwich"
Would he become disoriented?
Gonna call it Gear and Clothing
does he become disoriented?
It was in a dense forest, and the instructor was waiting for me when I arrived. I pulled out my compass, but he laughed and shook his head. "That won't work here, you know," he said, pointing at my compass. "What do you mean?" I asked, "This is an orienteering course, isn't it?" "Ja, it is an orienteering course, but you can a compass not use." I was very puzzled at this point, and I questioned, "Why?" "There are too many Poles."
Because he is supreme reader
He couldn’t see sharp.
(Asian) Dad: -uses the term 'oriental' to describe Asian people-
Me: Dad, "Oriental" is too old-fashioned. You shouldn't use it nowadays because it confuses people.
Dad: Oh, okay. Would you say it...disorients them?
Me: ........
Because he was very good at orienting objects.
(Okay this is a really technical dad joke, but isn't that what they're supposed to be?)
I was soon oriented.
Orientation lock
Was working in the medical field today, helping a coworker put in 30ish individually wrapped syringes into a bag. They weren't put in the best orientation and required slight bit of pressure to close fully.
I told him to be careful even though there are caps on the syringes.
He responds: "I see your point."
As a part of my orientation programme.
So my parents bought a new house, and they are in the process of moving in.
He wants to get some greenery for the front yard, so we're at Home Depot.
He's looking at something, I don't know what, and he makes the comment, "this is almost the exact same thing that we have at the old house, and I love it."
I ask him, "why didn't you like my idea of transplants from the old one to the new house, then?"
Deadpan he replies, "Jay, you know I don't care about a plants sexual orientation or gender."
Seriously, my father, ladies and gentlemen.
A bit of back story is need: My dad has got a big need to put inedible things in our food for taste (not actually inedible, just taste awful) which is bad for me as I don't really want to pick through my food to find all of the inedible parts to ensure I don't have an awful taste in my mouth.
Anyway, my dad was cooking an oriental dish and called from the kitchen, "UpsideDownie, no cloves!" I called back "I'm not eating naked, that's weird."
I chuckled, he chuckled. And then later in the meal I had a mouthful of lime peel... He wins.
A man registered for a woodworking class at his local college. At the end of orientation day, he went up to his professor and nervously enquired whether they would be learning how to make chairs.
"But of course," exclaimed the instructor. "Why?"
"Oh well you see," the man exhaled, visibly relieved "I suffer from IBS and my doctor requested a stool sample."
I'm at college orientation and a janitor knocked over a metal trash can which made a loud noise. A father walks into the room and said, "A lot of trash talking going on in here!"
I loudly proclaimed "I object."
Boss: To what? We barely started.
Me: Oh, I thought we were using object oriented programming.
Room: groans.
It’s called Mind Your Peas and Queues.
