I had a dream about some random guy that I don't know in real life. In the dream we met online at decided to meet eachother. We met at his house in the forest. He lead me to some rock and we started making out, the kiss was amazing, I felt completely in love, but didn't want to go any farther because I was not attracted to him sexually, so I made up an excuse to stop, I said it was too dangerous to have sex there where anyone from his family could see. So we made plans to do it later at night, I agreed even though I didn't want it, to me it felt like I didn't have a choise, I had to satisfy him in order to not lose him, I was in love. He left, I kept sitting on this rock, and spotted his sister. I felt like I loved her too, like it was love at first sight. We exchanged looks with eachother, I felt drown to her, and it was clear that she felt the same way about me. We found a hidden place and kissed, and this time I actually wanted to go farther, I felt attracted to her.
I had this dream over a year ago, before I knew who I really am.
At the time I told myself this dream was only about my other side of "bisexual" screaming to get attention as well.
But that's not the case.
It was such a clear dream,
it resembled so many things that I've felt all my life (emotionally)
It's like my mind was telling me exactly who I am,
and I still didn't get it.
Sometimes I still find myself confused over this, because it seems too complex, because I am in a long term relationship with a man, we live together and share a life.. because it will change everything.
It took me long to understand that I can't be bi-sexual If I am not sexually attracted to men.
That late realization confused me even more,
Because I can't be a lesbian if I am romantically attracted to men and fell in love with them before.
(I am romantically and sexually attracted to women)
Sometimes I still think I am a lesbian, because what I really am just seems too.. complex.
But no, I know I am not..
I am biromantic homosexual, and I try to say that proudly.
finding these two words, will change my entire life.
I can't keep being in this relationship, it's not fair to him or me.
Just wanted to share, not sure why..
thank you for reading, this sub is amazing, it helps knowing that I am not alone, and I am sure that you feel the same ❤
Hi, I recently discovered that I'm on the ace spectrum and I just wanted to ask this question. Why are aces much more likely to be variorented than allosexuals.
For those who don't know, Variorentation is when someone's romantic and sexual orientations are different, e.g a homoromantic pansexual or panromantic asexual.
It's very rare among allosexuals, but common among asexuals. From what I've seen, most aces (including myself) are variorented, experiencing romantic attraction, with aroaces being a minority. I wanted to know, is there a reason for this? If you know please tell me.
Only have six options, sorry the last one is so cramped.
Hope this hasn't been done recently, but I hadn't seen another one and thought it would be interesting.
i’m not sure how to flair this so correct me if i’m wrong!
for the longest time before i realized i’m aro i always thought “maybe i have experienced romantic attraction but i just wasn’t able to recognize it.” something i’ve realized from talking to alloromantic people is that romantic attraction or “crushes” are more instinctual than anything.
i’ve always questioned the way i felt about people such as: “my heart beats faster around this person, is that a crush?” no. they just make me anxious.
“i could see myself spending the rest of my life with this friend, is that a crush?” no. i just enjoy spending time with them and i think we get along so well that we could live together with minimal conflict.
“i think this person is pretty and enjoy talking to them sometimes, is that a crush?” no. that’s just aesthetic attraction and… enjoying human interaction??
part of the problem is the way alloromantic people paint crushes as “your heart beating fast” or “wanting to see the person more often.” my heart beats like crazy when i’m around people who make me uncomfortable and my best friend has always been someone i’m eager to see on a daily basis (pre-pandemic anyway).
TLDR: basically, if you don’t know what a crush feels like you have probably never had one.
should take about 2 minutes, you may have to look up some terms, any participation is welcome!
here is the link
So I was recently diagnosed as autistic which lead to me finally admitting some things to myself and coming out to others. I'm bisexual and agender but I've been trying to think about how I experience romantic attraction and can't quite find the right term. I have never experienced romantic attraction for anyone before we've slept together. That physical act and extended contact seems necessary for me to be fully into someone. It feels like the inverse of being demisexual. I only ever initiate physical contact with people I'm trying to sleep with as a means to an end. I hate being touched otherwise. Before I knew I was autistic, I used to say that romantic attraction was just strong platonic attraction plus sexual attraction. Apparently most neurotypicals do not agree. Is that demiromantic? Greyromantic? Or am I just alloromantic and trying to stick myself into another category? I'm not sure.
Hai, I'm a demigirl who recently came out of the closet to some people. I've been trying to find out my romantic and sexual orientation, too. I've discovered that I'm attracted to men, people who present masculine, non-binary people, and people who present androgynously. Is there a name for this? I've found the term androromantic, but idk if it describes me perfectly, and I heard some people find this label unfavorable. I still might use it, but I wanna see if there's other labels for this. Thanks! <3
Hi! Trying to see how fellow aegos identify romantically. Tried to include as much as I could with only 6 options available.
I know for sure that I’m asexual, and that I’m between sex-indifferent and sex-repulsed. However, I really don’t know weather I have romantic desires for other people or not. I’m not so sure if I want to be in a romantic relationship with anyone. Does anybody else here feel in a similar way?
Hello everyone! I'm new here and need some help with figuring myself out. I'm a demisexual guy and I'm very confused about my romantic orientation. I've spent most of my life in non-lgbtq communities, as where I'm from most people don't really talk about it and most of my friends consider themselves straight. I feel that I might be panromantic, as I can see myself very likely involving in a romantic relation with a person of any gender or identity, but so far in life I've mostly been romantically attracted to females. I don't know whether it comes from my environment pressuring me to be straight (I'm very easily influenced by other people and what they say and might think) or whether I'm actually just hetero romantic. So far I haven't felt much romantic attraction towards my male friends, but I don't meet many new people either, and most of my friends I consider as my family. I feel like I'm attracted to people that I assume would be attracted to me, and as most guys I know are straight (and I don't personally know any nb people) I feel like I just automatically shut down the possibility of being attracted to them as I just know it wouldn't work and my other friends would have a hard time accepting it. Sorry if it makes little sense, I'm having a lot of thoughts right now. Need help tho ;-;
As said in the title, I've felt more comfortable and feel as being unlabeled within my romantic orientation has made me stop questioning. I'm still asexual but when it comes to my romantic orientation I'm unlabeled. Yet, I've never seen or heard of an asexual person that is unlabeled when it comes to romantic orientation. Can I identify myself this way? If not, then I really don't know what to identify myself in romantic orientation.
I’ve seen many posts about pride, but all of them talk only about sexual orientation. It just seems kinda weird to completely ignore romantic orientation.
I just met this ‘gold star’ lesbian and I cannot tell you how much I envied her. She said “I never had a bf because I was never attracted to a man that much”. The fact that some people just know it doesn’t make my questioning invalid but, a simple life... I miss that.
I was out as bisexual for ten fucking years (I’m 27) and then came out as a lesbian during lockdown and now that I moved to a different country, I’m just like “maybe I’m bi?!”.
I realized I keep coming out with different labels when I get hurt by one gender tho. So, I dated men for a long time, but was really hurt and then realized I was a lesbian but then again realized how hard it is with women and I may end up alone for the rest of my life, now I’m questioning if I’m bi.
Thinking about my childhood, I had LOTS of crushes on women and that’s why the label lesbian kinda feels right. But I also had crushes on men but they could be comphet... but maybe not... But I never had that strong attraction with men. That’s I’m sure of... But that can make me a bisexual with a preference for women... or a lesbian who suffers from comphet...
So, two options:
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I’m bisexual, but because I’m a feminist and most men are being shit to us and because I can never see myself in such a classical marriage with a man, that’s why I get confused and think I’m a lesbian.
-
I’m a lesbian and terrified of the hardships of being a lesbian (dating pool, women are complex, too many societal things I’m trying to fight, loneliness) and these are pushing me back to the closet, especially with moving to a new country, I’m vulnerable and try to return to my comfort zone. Also, may be missing the validation and attention from men.
Go figure!
So, this is an older Reddit account. About a year ago, I was questioning my sexuality and wondered if I was a biromantic heteroromantic. I thought I experienced romantic attraction to men and women, but only sexual attraction to women, and posted about it on a few subs.
However, since that time, I realized that I actually had internalized homophobia. During my late teens, I went through a period where I was a very devout Christian. In a lot of the Christian circles I was in, there was a lot of homophobia in the form of reducing same-gender relationships to sex, and obsessing over how gay sex is dirty and spreads STDs. However, there wasn't much condemnation of same-gender love. Because of that, I was able to accept my romantic attraction to men, but for a long time, I felt that my sexual attraction to men was gross and degenerate. So I worked through that, and now accept that I'm just a vanilla biromantic bisexual, maybe gender-blind, although I'm not really sure about that.
So where am I going with this? Well, I often hear that heteroromantic bisexual men have internalized homophobia, and because of that, they can't see themselves with another man. Now, I'm sure that in some cases, this is true (although I think in most cases, it's bullshit), but to me, it seems like the reverse would be more common. Most anti-gay propaganda focuses on gay sex and how it's bad and disgusting or whatever. You'll get the occasional "gays can't feel love", but 85% of it is about sex, as well as the occasional mention of lesbian domestic abuse as a "reason" for why female homosexuality is bad. Since people hear that, wouldn't it make more sense that they would be biromantic but afraid/grossed-out by same-gender sexual attraction/activity?
What do you all think? Were you easily able to accept your same-gender sexual attraction? Or were you like me, and you went through a biromantic heterosexual phase?
I have determined that I'm at least on the asexual spectrum, and most likely on the aro spectrum. Aegoflux seems to fit me, but cupioromantic and akoiromantic both fit me to some extent.
But I think I'm pan oriented. I've had things that I guess are crushes on people, and gender didn't define that. But if I were to date anybody, it would be women or femme enby spec people. (Because saying I have a partner or a gf don't make me as uncomfortable as saying I have a bf). I can imagine myself with two or more people.
I'm not necessarily gender blind, but my attraction is, whether it's aesthetic attraction or some skewered, watered down, and fucked up version of romantic attraction. I guess it could be platonic attraction but I get the urge to date that person. I'm fine with the idea of cuddling, but not really kissing.
It's really annoying :)
I know that aros are now rising and hopefully more people would recognise SAM. However, like my country (Belgium) it wouldn't surprise me that aros aren't included in the anti-discrimination law.
The Democrats are trying to pass the Equality Act. In this bill, the LGBTQ community would be protected by law. However, in the bill, romantic orientations aren't included. The bill includes the LGBTQ community thus everyone who is queer too.
We assume we are queer and some within the LGBT+ community think so too. I assume because dictionaries do not include romantic minorities as part of queer the bill won't protect us. The government probably assume romantic and sexual orientations are the same or romantic is part of sexual orientation.
This has passed the House and is going to the Senate. I'm happy this will protect the LGBTQ and others who suffers discrimination like on ethnic groups, cultures and sex. It's kinda sad, we have grown so big in recent years and now we're still getting forgotten by a national government. Who look at who is part of the LGBTQ and who is not.
You'd assume the government would educate itself if it wants to include everyone in the LGBT+. Another reason why I see a difference between the acronyms LGBT+ and GSRM is 'cause LGBT is incomplete. Even with adding the "+" or a "q" we probably wouldn't be part of it if people don't believe we're part of it. Anyway, what's your opinion about this bill? Cheers.
So I’m pretty comfortable saying I’m bisexual but I’m enby and I only really feel romantically attracted to other enbies so would I call myself homoromantic?
It's hilarious to me that I was ace before I was even aware of what it was (though, I understood very little about just how apothi I was back then, I just called myself "celibate" 😬), but having since questioning my gender, figuring out my romantic orientation has been far more of a struggle than my sexuality...
I recently discovered the term Librafeminine and it absolutely changed my world because I had toyed with demigirl but something about it didn't feel right (and now I know why).
"Librafeminine is a gender in which one is mostly agender but experiences a small amount of attachment to being feminine and/or have a connection with girl/womanhood. It's similar to demigirl, but is more specifically partially feminine and partially agender, with the agender part outweighing the feminine part, while demigirl is partially female, partially any other gender(s). Librafeminine people often identify as non-binary."
I'm not entirely sure if I should identify as heteroromantic because I have an attachment to my feminity or if I should identify as some other romantic orientation because I'm an enby attracted to males... this is complicated by the fact that I don't know if I am romantically attracted to someone who's AMAB but identifies as enby (such as Libramasculine, for example)...
So what on Earth do I tell people when they ask for my romantic orientation? What do any enby aces here identify as?
this is gonna be hella confusing, but basically im questioning a lot, my sexuality, my romantic orientation, gender, pronouns, etc. like, i wanna be SUPER feminine but also want to be like androgynous..but rarely do people actually use my other pronouns, but I also like being refer to as a girl. also sometimes i think i could be frayromantic, because if I’ve known someone attracted to them a long time, I’ll never be attached to them. Like as I get to know someone over the years, it’s less likely I’ll actually be attracted to them and I get attracted the most to strangers. Then..my sexuality can super confusing, I can be like...attracted to you sexually somewhat, idk???? I like, will be like all over you but sometimes I like...just feel so uncomfortable with sex and it makes me feel so fucking gross inside but then other times I want it so bad (I know that’s so fucking weird) but the thing is super openly, I’m kind of a hypersexual person because being sexual is a huge coping mechanism, please help!!
I was on YouTube and there was this clearly very intelligent person in the comment section of a video who said I made up the labels sensualarian and frayromantic and also said aro people don't face discrimination using the completely wrong definition of discrimination so am i delusional and my romantic orientation is just made up by me or are they recognised identities on the aromantic spectrum so please tell me what you think
P.S hint I'm pretty sure they are real check the LGBTQ wiki
I think about my romantic orientation a lot, but I know I am asexual, I used to label as cupioromantic but am having other ideas, I don't really care about having sex but do like the idea of romance, just not lots of it. I just don't really care about gender, so I might be panromantic. Any advice?
Specifically pan, ace, trans, non binary
I have always been puzzled by this and just waiting for some kind of realisation to occur. I have always been confused by peoples need to couple up, it seemed like a weird societal norm so I kind of rejected it, but turns out people have like urges to be in a couple? If so I don't know what my deal is. Like sometimes I think it would be good when I am lonely. But I find being in love overwhelming and it is hard to focus on the rest of life and I feel my happiness is too dependent on another person's presence and behaviour. I'm well beyond those 'finding yourself' phases of life so I would like to figure out my labels and understand myself.
Lesbian? The term I've always used but I don't want to make any enbies feel like I don't see them for who they are. Bi or pan? I am not attracted to men. Queer? Very triggering word for me.. I know people say we have taken the word back well I'm sorry it's not fully taken back yet. Where I live it's a slur. Questioning/curious? No, I very sure. Not straight? That term doesn't make sense to me are their straight enbies? (Wait wait wait! Rabbit trail... Is an enby who likes enbies straight?!😂) ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 Thanks for any suggestions!
hey so i’ve been struggling with my sexuality. i’ve identified as bi, ace, aro, and aroace, and none of it feels quite right. aromantic fits me the best, but i can’t help but feel like it erases the part of me that IS attracted to men and women. because i would date either one i usually just find myself never wanting to date them or being attracted to them in that way. i still find certain ones attractive, but 95% of the time i don’t want to date them. but i’m pretty sure i’m ace, i don’t want to have sex in real life, it just isn’t my thing. i can’t even read or think about it because it’s just... ew. i wish it didn’t exist. i do have “fantasies” in my head about dating people or having sex with them but it’s only fictional characters or celebrities. the most i want to do with people in real life is be their friend. but yeah, i know that all sounds very aroace, but like i said i feel like it erases the part of me that feels attraction to my same sex. also, i read about oriented aroace, and that sounds great but i have this issue where i’m constantly trying to squeeze myself into a well known box with a flag (bisexual, aromantic, or asexual) instead of something nobody’s heard of. but nothing feels right to me. so i just don’t know what to identify as anymore. all i know is i’m not straight lol
- ava (she/her)
I have been identifying as Polysexual/Romantic for several years and Non Binary since last year, and since Polysexual is different for different people, The only way I can really explain mine is "I'm attracted to anyone who's not masculine", I'm also Grey-Asexual.
Curious to see if there are many people around who are not pansexual/panromantic, which most other Non Binaries seem to be from what I've seen and see how everyone else that's willing to share, identifies in this area.
Thanks
I wonder what I should be labelled as due to my romantic attraction, I have always wanted a romantic relationship, but never seem to feel feelings towards anyone. I label myself as cupioromantic at first but I am back to thinking. Any ideas?
hey all! i've recently identified myself as aro, but I'm not really sure if its the right orientation. I've tried imagining myself in relationships with people, but the thought of being loved by someone and needing to stay with them forever just doesn't really fit well with me. I've had some people tell me they liked me romantically before, and when i tried to see myself being in a relationship with them i didnt feel anything (happy, sad, etc) at all?
I've had crushes before on both genders but ive never seen myself asking them out and being in a relationship, and the thought of cuddling, holding hands, etc, doesn't really suit me either.. what am i classified as?
I know I'm asexual, but I'm not sure about my romantic attraction. I thought I strictly liked girls, but now I'm realizing I just want anyone to cook with/for, but then now another monkey wrench in the cogs, I have also realized all my actual crushes were fictional characters so now I'm not sure if I am even alloromantic in the first place if that makes sense? I'm sort of rambling, sorry.
I'm asexual, that was simple to figure out and I knew that for ages now. I'm a demigirl, that was a bit unexpected but it's been all clear to me for a month or two by now. But my romantic orientation is a goddamn mess and I have absolutely no idea what's going on since the start of this year. I jumped from bi-romantic or pan-romantic to aromatic to oriented aroace and now I'm pretty sure I experience some form of attraction to girls. Send help. What does it mean to blush when you think of pretty girls. Is that aesthetic or romantic or what.
Hi!
I am 21 year old male and I am facing some dilemmas. It would mean a lot if you could help.
All my life I've been more attracted to men, sexually speaking, even though I had a relationship with a girl, F., which lasted 2 years and I can't really complain about the "sex-life" I was having with her. Most of the time she could not turn me on visually, only by foreplaying and cuddling, but we did not have problems with this, well it did not really get into observation, but I've had a feeling of self-incompetence and that I am deceiving her. Also, I was having doubts about the purity of my feelings towards her, so double deceiving. Eventually I broke up with her. It felt the right thing to do. It still does. Currently, I am at the beginning of a new relationship with another girl, J., and I think I love her very much.
So, these things got me confused about my romantic and sexual orientation, because even though I don't have problems performing with girls (I don't mean to brag), visually I am easily aroused by male nudity and gay pornography, and I have a (well not literally) hard time with female nudity and lesbian pornography. Even took that Kinsey test and scored a 4, which means "Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual ". So, I guess, I am gay. Gayish. More gay, than not. But I can't imagine myself having an intimate relationship with another man, and I don't really know if it's because of how I truly feel, or because of the fear of the sociological consequences (I am not surrounded by a LGBTQ-tollerant society). ...Probably the latter, because I have really good male friends. But for me it is as good for a reason as any... And the bigger problem is, that I think, I'm in love with J. .
My questions would be:
How do I know for sure that I am in love with someone? I don't want to deceive no more.
Is there such thing as romantic orientation? Can it differ from the sexual orientation?
What would happen if I would suppress my homosexual inclinations and would have a long-term (marriage),heterosexual relationship with someone?
Thank you in advance!:)
P.S. God bless anonymity and sorry 4 my english!
All I know is:
- I want to get married to a hot woman
- I want to be in a romantic relationship
But I've never felt romantic attraction before... I don't think so anyway
Ive been in one "proper" relationship before; I developed a crush on him becuase we had similar issues and that's about that.
He took me on a date once and I remember enjoying it but I mainly enjoyed the food. I liked being around him but we broke up after a month becuase it didn't work. We're best mates now and to be honest I'd say our relationship back then felt like our friendship now. We never kissed or did anything else romantic. This relationship was almost three years ago.
Ive never looked at someone and gone "I want to date them"
My crushes normally form when I see someone with a cool aesthetic, so I'm guessing I feel aesthetic attraction.
Ive also thought I had a crush on someone once becuase they were really nice, but to be honest I think it was more of a "I have childhood trauma and I want to feel loved by anyone" thing more than a "I really want to hold hands with you and go walk to the top of the hill in town and watch the sunset with you and kiss you etc"
I want to take someone on a romantic date, but I've just never felt that attraction before.
Could I be aromantic?
Hai, I'm a demigirl who recently came out of the closet to some people. I've been trying to find out my romantic and sexual orientation, too. I've discovered that I'm attracted to men, people who present masculine, non-binary people, and people who present androgynously. Is there a name for this? I've found the term androromantic, but idk if it describes me perfectly, and I heard some people find this label unfavorable. I still might use it, but I wanna see if there's other labels for this. Thanks! <3
Hai, I'm a demigirl who came out a couple months ago. Recently I've been questioning my romantic orientation, too. I'm attracted to men, people who present masculine, non-binary people, and people who present androgynous. Is there a label for this? I've researched it and androromantic came up, but idk if that fits exactly. Thanks if you can help!
How do you know you’re romantically attracted to the same gender if you’ve never had a romantic connection with the same gender?
I'm arospec asexual
