I told her itβs so he can cut corners
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
a week on each hill.
She replied, "my name is Anna!"
I said, "Yes! Yes I know "
We were in an airplane.
I said, βFetus, Hand-us, Leg-us, Thereβs practically a whole baby in there!β
Wife yells: Hey, aren't you going to help??
Me: No, six should be enough
I had to fight my wife and two doctors to do it.
Loving my new sniper rifle.
I thought it was a very nice plot.
Itβs a counter reformation.
She still refuses to plug-in the chair I bought for her last year.
"Just like her mother."
I don't think she likes me — I drive a cement mixer.
My MiL received this unsolicited fax at her office. My wife suggested she should fax something clever back. She delivered.
My young daughter is still learning to microwave food. She attempted to reheat some of her food last night, but left the fork in the bowl. The wife caught it and pointed out that it could cause the microwave to explode and potentially hit grandma who was sitting with her back to the microwave.
Wife (to daughter): "You wouldn't want Grandmom to get hit by glass shrapnel and a fork would you?"
Me (interjecting): "Well, at least then I would have a reason to say your Mom is really forked in the head."
The MIL nearly choked on her food, but laughed and could appreciate the joke. She know she cray cray.
She asked how much it was. I said "Don't worry, it was dirt cheap."
Completely worth it, if you ask me.
I said "at least it wasn't a General of Corn". No one laughed except me.
I canβt afford a car stereo but I still have a woofer, a tweeter and a loud-speaker.
It clearly has maltipoo personality disorder.
I said "It's a good job to stick with... Just making a point..."
Me: Then you'll have a faux-knee (phony).
We were cleaning up and making sure all the toys were accounted for when I noticed the "L" block was missing from the pile.
Me: Anyone see the L block anywhere?
Husband and mother-in-law, after looking around a bit: No.
Me: I guess it got the "L" out of here.
Mother-in-law rolled her eyes and smirked. Husband left the room grumbling about me spending too much time in /r dadjokes.
Well if I wasn't it would be a bad joke.
My nephew was playing with his Mr. Potatohead and he throws his body parts about the room (he's 2)
Her: Looks like Mr. Potatohead became a suicide bomber.
Me: I know his last words.
Her: What?
Me: Au gratin ackbar.
I'll be here all week
My wife and mother in law were washing some dishes in the kitchen after a get together. I came in to get a drink and noticed a box of crackers on the counter where they were standing...
Me: What do those crackers do?
Mother in Law: What do you mean?
Me: Just curious to know what those crackers do. That is all.
MiL: Those were for the cheese that i bought. Did you want some more cheese and crackers? I have some left in the fridge.
Wife: Mom. They say "entertainment" crackers.
My wife started to laugh since i got her mom. Mother in law tried to play it off.
At one point at a family barbeque today the ended up sitting on a potato chip.
Mother-in-law: "better on your butt then on your shoulder."
Groans from everyone.
Eating some cheddar on crackers over the weekend.
"This cheese is very good! I normally don't buy cheddar, especially the sharp kind." - Mother in law
"Me neither, it always cuts my hands." - Me
"Why would it cut your..." she starts then makes the connection. Got groans and eye rolls from both fiance and mother-in-law.
I replied "really? I would have thought it blew."
She didn't get it
