That's mine pun
If you open your mind to the wind, you will be mind blown
A friend of mine is quite well known for sweeping girls off their feet.
He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
Not mine. But always makes me giggle
Friend of mine asked why I took a side job at the bakery
I told him I don’t knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it
I heard they built a new tin mine recently
Yeah I believe they did it on a very tiny area
A friend of mine claimed he saw a Daihatsu stretch limo.
It turned out to be a big Charade.
A coworker of mine spilled boiling hot coffee on my leg and had the nerve to ask where it hurts
My grandpa worked the mines his entire life
I really miss him, he was the coalest man I knew
Will you “cheese” be mine? ❤️
A friend of mine asked why I started a spice garden.
I just figured it was thyme.
A buddy of mine named his dog “5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles
But today he ran over 5 Miles
I asked Elon Musk if I should mine Bitcoin or Etherium...
He said I would be fine with Ether Ore
A farmer friend of mine recently made a great sci-fi film
It's called Robo-crop starring Wil Wheaton.
A friend of mine thinks he's an expert on tree types.
He refers to himself as a conifer
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
What do you call a grazing cow that swallowed a land mine.
Yesterday a friend of mine told me he has a new job. He's garbage man now...
well, he didn't let that opportunity go to waste
A friend of mine made a terrible mistake at work.
When he came in the next day, his face was purple. His co-workers told him he shouldn’t beet himself up.
I asked my girlfriend if I could make her mine. "Yes! Oh, yes!" she shouted, eyes filling with tears. "Great!" I said.
"Now take this pick and go find me some gold!"
A friend of mine tore his tongue in two in a freak accident.
I told him to get to the hospital lickety-split.
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
A friend of mine was recently injured in a bad Peek-a-Boo accident
A cousin of mine posted a couple of jokes on this sub, but the mods deleted them.
He’s my cousin, twice [removed]
A friend of mine runs a funeral home
People are dying to go there.
A friend of mine planned to use balloons to propose to his internet girlfriend, but then they finally met face to face.
He immediately popped the question.
A funeral director friend of mine bought a brand new Cadillac hearse.
People are dying to take a ride in it.
(As told by my friend the funeral director?
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns.
Toucan play at that game.
Locksmith friend of mine just retired, said he never once got rained out.
It seems that all of his work was in doors.
There were no mines in Soviet Russia
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
A friend of mine is a dermatologist
He started his career from scratch.
A friend of mine just said to me “I’m training to be garbage man”
I said “You don’t need training for that! You just pick it up as you go along”
A friend of mine makes good money selling camel’s milk, but he has to put up with surly camels all day.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
Why don’t chickens like to mine for gold?
They might find a nugget.
I told my wife I was going to accompany her to get her Covid Vaccine, and see if they could do mine as well. She said they probably wouldn't. I replied, "I don't know..."
A friend of mine told me he was looking to buy stock in Bose.
I told him it would be a sound investment.
Image belongs to cyanide and happiness it's not mine but thought you would enjoy it.
A friend of mine asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine...
I said, "Oooh!! About 15 minutes. "
A friend of mine has starting collecting mirrors
Personally, I don't know what he sees in them.
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
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