My best in the moment pun i have ever had
In the gym today, guy is having to get his lock cut off because he lost his key. Joke around with guy for a bit because i have done the same.
As he is walking away....
Him: "you have a good day man"
Me: "you too, better lock next time"
I hear him groan, look to the guy next to me with a dumbass smile on my face and he rolled his eyes. Hahaha
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︎ Jan 30 2020
Spur of the moment pun
My wife got something in her eye and grabbed the first towel she could find which happened to be my shower towel. She says
"Great I'm probably rubbing my eyes right where you had your balls"
Me: "yup, now you have eye balls"
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︎ May 23 2019
Special moment: giving my sun his first bath.
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︎ Jan 22 2021
been a moment since i used the tea-rex meme template
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
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︎ Jan 26 2021
Proud dad moment: My five year old and I were discussing Halloween candy. I told him I like Kit-Kats.
He picked out a Butterfinger from his bag, held it up, and said βKit-Kats are good but these are butter.β
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︎ Nov 09 2020
Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldnβt have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
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︎ Jan 09 2021
One of my most proud moments was coming up with this
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︎ Nov 13 2020
Proud dad moment - Dad what type of sandpaper does the dog use?
Woof ones
5 year old daughters joke, so proud :)
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︎ Nov 23 2020
My wife spilled tea on herself, and without a moments hesitation, turned to me and said...
βIβve teaβd myself!β
Proud hubby here!
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︎ Oct 25 2020
BL3 with Tomato Jokes? | Falls, Fails & Funny Moments | Psycho Krieg & the Fantastic Fustercluck DLC
youtu.be/Je2l0OxQl8E
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︎ Oct 24 2020
A moment like this just once please.
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︎ Sep 20 2020
What did Jesus the Interior Decorator say in his final moments?
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Studying Chemistry at the moment, I just learned that Sulphuric acid should never be left in a metal beaker..
..It's an oxidant waiting to happen.
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︎ Aug 19 2020
Took me a moment to understand
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︎ Jun 13 2020
Proud dad moment. Joke from my soon to be 6 year old daughter. βHow did the bee get to school?β
βOn the buzzzzz.β So proud.
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︎ Jun 18 2020
Proud Moment
My 6 year old son just told his sister "You butter move out of the way" while helping his mother in the kitchen. He was so proud of his joke he ran across the house to tell me.
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︎ Jul 02 2020
A pirate walks into a bar and it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
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︎ Dec 09 2019
At that moment, Dr. Frankenstein knew what it felt like to be God.
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︎ Jul 20 2020
Proud dad moment
Today I held up three colored balls in my hand. One red, one green, and one blue.
My 1yr old son (after much debate) chose the red one.
Iβve never been so proud. He has earned the right to play with my old game boy now.
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︎ Aug 01 2020
Please take a moment
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︎ Jul 16 2020
The moment i was born
I had an out of body experience
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︎ Jun 28 2020
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...
They just didn't give a fork...
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︎ Sep 05 2020
Figured this was the ideal moment to repost this olβ pun. Happy Fatherβs Day.
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︎ Jun 22 2020
I still remember the moment when my math professor told us what the square root of -1 was.
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︎ Jun 25 2020
My boss shared this in my work chat today, it took me a moment...
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︎ Jun 11 2020
I accidentally poked myself in the eye moments ago.
I did not see that one coming.
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︎ Jun 28 2020
My life has been full of priceless moments.
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︎ Jun 27 2020
I think I had my first dad joke moment
I was driving my daughter (10F) to her dance class. Although we have taken this route countless times before and she never said a word about it before, she did this time and said as she was looking out the window while driving by a particular area, "Why would anyone build a daycare next to a cemetery?"
Without thought, I said "I don't know, but I bet their neighbors are quiet"
There was a second or two pause and then she said "Daaaaaaad."
My chest puffed up with pride for several miles as I thought I had just crossed the line into Dad Jokedom!
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︎ Dec 08 2019
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my sonβs train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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︎ Jan 10 2019
The moment I realise I lost my voice __________
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︎ May 14 2020
There are many wonderful moments and beautiful sights when raising a child.
But the sight of your daughter stealing the last piece of chicken is truly breast taking.
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︎ Jul 20 2020
You know that moment when you let a fart out but accidentally released a log?
Yeah my dad calls that from bubble to trouble.
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︎ May 22 2020
A man sits down at a bar. After a moment, he hears a voice behind him say "Hey, that shirt looks great on you!" He turns around, and nobody is there. Confused, he asks the bartender, "Where did that voice come from?" The bartender says...
"Oh, it's the peanuts.
They're complimentary."
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︎ May 16 2020
That moment when your wife goes mateing the neighborhood guy
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︎ Mar 25 2020
A moment of silence for our dear friend, liquid water, who did not survive the 100Β° temperature...
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︎ Oct 31 2018
His family is broken at the moment
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︎ Feb 09 2020
Daughter is having trouble homeschooling at the moment. "Argh i can't spell today..."
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︎ May 22 2020
Certified bruh moment
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︎ Oct 15 2019
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams...
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
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︎ Apr 29 2020
Just saw this at the moment.
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︎ Sep 16 2018
I was walking in the Himalayan mountains when a hairy creature came into view. I was about to snap a picture but it said, "do not take a picture of me at this moment."
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︎ Jan 23 2020
The hot topic in Paris at the moment
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︎ Feb 26 2020
bruh moment
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︎ Oct 25 2019
Proud dad moment: After 5 months, I finally finished the jigsaw puzzle I was working on!
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︎ Feb 12 2020
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