The best safe word to use during sex is β€œmeatloaf”

Because it means, β€œI would do anything for love, but I won’t do that”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Went to a meatloaf sampling party this past weekend.

Two out of three weren't bad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewWaldron
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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My wife said we were having Asian Meatloaf for dinner

I said, "who's that? Was that the guy who sang Bat out Hanoi?"

She was so disappointed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mopageboy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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I once met Meatloaf when I was working as a car salesman.

He came in looking for a small coupe for his wife’s forthcoming birthday. He found one he liked and we completed a test drive together. The car was listed at Β£28,000 plus tax. He was deep in thought looking around the car but unfortunately for me he decided not to buy it. I was in my 20s, had a young family and working a commission only job so a couple of days later I rang him to see if anything could be done. He was keen on the car but didn’t like the Β£28,000 plus tax price tag. I assured him that this was a great price for the car, however he said that it wasn’t so much the price of the car, it was more the tax. He said, β€˜I’d do anything for love, but I won’t do VAT’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CromulentDucky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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I've only got three albums in my collection. Two by Meatloaf and one by Michael Jackson.

Two out of three ain't Bad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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My family hated the two-foot long meatloaf I made.

It was widely panned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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I was offered meatloaf for lunch today...

... I said I'd eat anything for lunch, but I won't eat that...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rubbergoat
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
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Someone told me to throw away all of my Meatloaf albums.

I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WalkingDown46
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2017
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My daughter: Dad is there veal in the meatloaf?

Me: No, just a little beef.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotThatTom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2016
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Do you want some leftover meatloaf?

No thanks. I don't like meatloaf.

More of a Rush fan then?

(groans around the lunchroom table)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinfoilknight
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2015
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Oatmeal...

is just meatloaf that doesn't give a f.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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Gallows humor, it's a real noose-ance!
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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What do you call bread made by a cow?

Meatloaf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/code_engine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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Got my mom the other night

So I live with my parents (or did when this took place) and my mom was making meatloaf one night. I was in my room waiting for dinner to be done, when she yells out "bring the meatloaf here, I want to see what it looks like". So without missing a beat, I grabbed Bat Out of Hell from my record collection and take it to her in the living room. I hand it to her and she goes "oh. my. god." with a very visible eye roll. I think it was a success

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhodinisGhost
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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How did the dad introduce the bread

Meatloaf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/specificshit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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Just dadjoked my dad hard...

Sitting around the dinner table with my parents, my wife, and my 8 month old son. As Mom cleaned up the leftovers, my Father asked her how much meatloaf was left, to which she responded "none of it". Dad quickly quipped "Nunavut? That's in Canada." Mother rolled her eyes as dad continued, "I've never been there though..." I didn't waste my opportunity: "How much of it have you seen, Dad?" He too quickly replied "None of it" realizing his folly as the last word escaped his lips. He looked down and tried to swallow his smile, which only made us both explode with laughter. My mother couldn't have been more ashamed. I'm still chuckling.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoneMonkeyKing
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2014
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Some of the best from my family

At a wedding reception where the chocolates on the table were in nice looking package.

  • Dad: Don't throw that way; I'll take them home.
  • Mom: Great another of one thousand useless items that'll be on a shelf.
  • Dad: Aaaaw, Honey -- I'd never put you on the shelf.

While watching a baseball game:

  • Mom: Are they "boo'ing?" Nobody "boos" anymore.
  • Dad: Hey can I have a blow job?
  • Mom: Shut up.
  • Dad: Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

In regards to meatloaf my mother made:

  • Mom: Sorry the meatloaf isn't that good.
  • Dad: It's Ok. But next time try adding some Alpo.

While eating at relatives' house:

  • Mom: Wow. This is really good! We used to eat like this all the time growing up.
  • Uncle: Really? Where I come from we just call it Hamburger Helper.

In regards to an inappropriately shaped child's toy:

  • Me: Did you buy that at one of those special stores you guys got in San Francisco?
  • Grandfather: What?! Of course not! God no - that's not mine!
  • ...
  • Grandfather: It's too small...

When my brother and I were screwing around instead of helping in the garage:

  • Dad: You know, twice, twice! I thought I got it out quick enough but some must have dribbled back inside.

After listening to a 3 minute voice mail from my mother:

  • Me: What did she want?
  • Dad: You want the long or the short version?
  • Me: Short.
  • Dad: Nothing.
  • Me: Ok long version.
  • Dad: Nothing much.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/that_how_it_be
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
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Dad got my mom after dinner

My mom made meatloaf for dinner (it was fairly good).

While doing dishes, my dad decided to put the scraps and some grease on a plate of dog food. He put the plate and the ground and kept turning it to tease the dog. This was right by the backdoor, and since it snowed today, there was a towel on which the dog dried his feet.

Me: the dog peed from you teasing him!

Mom: that's on you, dad!

Dad: it's not on me, it's on the towel!

Chuckling ensued.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evonb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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Got my in-laws with this one.

We were sitting at the dinner table tonight celebrating my father-in-law's (FIL) 66th birthday. My mother-in-law (MIL) made his favorite dinner: meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and creamed corn, but since I hate creamed corn they also made peas.

It happened that everyone at the table except for my MIL took peas, and she decided to comment.

MIL: "Wow, I see just about everyone took peas and not creamed corn!"

FIL: "I took a little bit of both."

Me: "Thank you for giving peas a chance."

My wife sighed and I think it went over MIL's head, but FIL and I exchanged knowing dad glances. Today, I am a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Funkmaster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
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I still haven't gotten a response

Pic will be found in the comments below

Last night, as I was getting ready to cook dinner, I received a mysterious phone call from a number I didn't recognize and I naturally let it go to voicemail. Surprisingly the mystery caller did leave a voice message and several minutes later I got this text. To eliminate all possibilities I proceeded to listen to the voicemail and ensure it was indeed someone important to me. It was both of my parents(they like to put me on speakerphone so they can talk to me simultaneously) informing me of my Dad's new cellular device.

Now, as far as i can tell, my Dad has never sent a text msg in his life. He's been retired for 10+ years and he loves to talk on the phone to friends and loved ones for hours. He has no reason to text. I also wouldn't put him into a general category when it comes to dad jokes. Meaning he might not have enjoyed this as much as I. So, after much deliberation I decided to welcome my Dad to the world of SMS the only way I felt was appropriate to the relationship we share.

Also, one of my favorite of his sayings is referring to my best friend as suave(Ss-wave) and debonair (De-boner.)

Oh and don't let your meatloaf.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefripps
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2015
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Dad's Food Jokes

To Son: never let your meatloaf.
To Daughter: and never let your pussy willow.

And the other: remember you can mash potatoes but you can't pea soup

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teeshart
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
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I Knew It Was Coming...

Sitting down to dinner:

Me: "Mom, what is this?"

Mom: "It's meatloaf, squash, and peas."

Dad (on cue): "You know what they say: there's nothing like a good pea."

Mom (rolling eyes, frowning): "Oh, Bob...."

Got me every. time.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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Everybody's safe word should be Meatloaf

Because I'll do anything for love, but I won't do that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinfoilknight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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The best safe word a person can use is 'Meatloaf'….

Cos I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Butt-270_Ham_227
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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