I’d like to tell my lasagna joke here,

...but it’s multi-layered and way too cheesy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PapaMammatus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
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Remember that scandal where they used horse meat in lasagna? Good thing it wasn't donkey meat

Lots of people would have eaten ass without realizing it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Otto_Partzzz
πŸ“…︎ May 11
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I didn’t know what to think walking into the kitchen last night to find my wife draped in lasagna and pouring piping hot soup over her head. β€œI’m just putting the dinner on”, she quipped. How we laughed on the way to the burns unit.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spazpekker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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What did the plate of lasagna say to the bowl of spaghetti?

ΒΏQue pasta?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZinyZee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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On our walk tonight, he said "I'll bet that house smells like lasagna."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kateohkatie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2013
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Did that lasagna just come out?

I work in a kitchen and I had just pulled a freshly baked lasagna out of the oven when my coworker walks by:

Coworker: Did that lasagna just come out?

Me: Yes it did and it's a little shy around other lasagnas at the moment but if you give it some time I'm sure it will gain the confidence it needs.

I had a smirk on for at least the next hour after that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Volne
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2014
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He only grills, so I was surprised when he made lasagna. I should've known.

So my dad made dinner the other night and I was impressed.

Me: Dad, this is fantastic! Did you make it from scratch?

Dad: Of course! I scratched my thumb when I opened the box it came in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morgasauras
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
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Every Sunday I read the Times and complain to my kids about that orange haired narcissist dominating the paper by insulting and mocking everyone, especially those closest to him.

That Garfield needs to learn how to think about more than just himself and his next plate of lasagna.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
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I arrived early at the restaurant last night. β€œDo you mind waiting for a bit?” The manager asked. β€œNot at all” I replied.

β€œGood, take these lasagnas to table 6” he said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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My friend’s dissertation was on nerds who love palindromes.

He is now Dr.Awkward.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
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Going deaf

A man was concerned that his wife was going deaf so he went to the doctor for advice. The doctor said, "There is a simple test for your wife's hearing. Stand a good distance away from her, ask her a question, and if she doesn't respond keep moving closer while asking the question until she does."

So the man goes home and sees his wife cooking dinner. He gets about 20 feet away and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?". She doesn't respond. He moves to 15 feet away and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response. He moves to 10 feet behind her and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still nothing. He moves to just 5 feet away and asks again "Honey, what's for dinner?", The wife finally turns around and says,

"For the fourth time, we're having lasagna!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doctr1989
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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I got solicited today

So I work at a car dealership in not the best part of town. I was outside enjoying a smoke when a frail woman with bad teeth walked towards me. "I'll suck you off for a plate of lasagna," she said. I shot back, "sorry, I'm not interested in pastatutes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frtss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2014
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Why was the Italian chef so stressed?

Because his job was in pasta bowl

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trappedcouchfarts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2017
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I never know how to respond.

The other day I made lasagna for my family. Half of us love mushrooms while the other half hates them, so I usually make two.

Me (pointing to the individual ones): "That one has mushrooms and that one doesn't"

My dad got a sad look on his face when looking at the one w/o mushrooms and said, "Awh, this is terrible. I can't get the spatula in."

Me: "Why not?"

Dad: "There's not mush room in there"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coachz1212
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
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Who is Garfield's favorite singer

Lasagna Del Rey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LAweenie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2016
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My grandfather's pizza hut joke

Grandpa: "You know the p'zone from pizza hut?"

Me: "Yeah, Why?"

Grandpa:"What do you get if they create a lasagna?...... P'asagna!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/winnsanity
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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Too many cooks in the kitchen, or something.

My parents were over for dinner, and my wife went tog et the lasagna out of the oven. My stepmom calls, from the couch, "Do you need a hand?" to my wife, I reply, also from the couch, "She has two, actually." I was kicked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mughmore
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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Gelato joke

My son, currently 'enduring' a semester abroad in Florence, Italy, messages me: "Remind me to tell you about the history of gianduja. It's absurd."

My response: "Yeah, I heard it's kind of nutty."

No applause, please. I'll be here all week. Try the lasagna.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChallahWave
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2014
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Remember that scandal where they used horse meat in lasagna? Good thing it wasn't donkey meat

Lots of people would have eaten ass without realizing it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whygru
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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