I just killed a massive spider crawling across the room with my shoe.
I don't care how big the spider is, nobody steals my shoe.
I had a dream where I was chased by a massive pair of shoes.
Catching up to me was no small feet.
Rick Astley has a massive movie collection and will let you borrow all but one
He’s never going to give you up His movie collection
I had this massive piece of steak on the barbecue last night. As it was cooking, the smell of the juices made my mouth salivate.
I had a thought. I wondered if vegetarians had the same effect, while mowing their lawn.
My doctor has advised me to stop drinking, its going to be a massive change for me.
I've been with that doctor for 15 years.
Tiger Woods in a massive car crash.
Should have used the driver.
Massive protest spread across Madrid earlier today to protest the nation's Supreme Court ruling that bans tattoos.
Nobody accepts the Spanish ink decision.
A massive telescope dropped on my head yesterday....
I was seeing stars all night.
An architect designed a bridge but he made a massive mistake.
I bought a massive Christmas tree at the weekend. The guy in the store asked "Are you planning on putting it up yourself?"
I said "Nah, I'll probably just put it up in the living room"
I went to the zoo and saw 2 massive hairy apes, covered in cream and cherries on their heads..
Apparently they were Meringue-utans.
How did Bill Cosby describe the massive earthquake in the Grand Canyon?
“There was a schism in the chasm.”
A man and his wife had a shed in their backyard. The neighbor asked which of them built it and they both replied that they had built it, leading to a massive argument.
It was a real He-Shed She-Shed situation.
Dad: I'm having a midlife crisis, son. I just took a massive dump.
Son: How is that a midlife crisis?
Dad: Because now, I feel so empty inside!
Massive leak in the bathrooom
Today I saw a giant, massive centipede!
My toddler was having a massive tantrum until she found a grape on the floor. She ate it, and forgot why she was crying.
She was crying because she doesn't like grapes.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with massive boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
What do you call a massive pile of cats?
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
That would be a massive change
Massive fight at the curry house!
One man was left in a korma ....
Dad joke no. 67 copyright Crap Dad Jokes
Hear about Massive lettuce recall?
I think everyone should Romaine calm.
Underage drinking is a massive problem in my house.
My son's been drinking whisky that's only aged for two years.
He's the dumbest thirteen-year-old I've ever met.
One time I caused a massive cold outbreak in school when I lived in MA
I made Massachusetts live up to its name.
There was a massive cyber attack recently, the government is still looking for the hacker
Got wood? Well here’s a picture of my massive cock!
Massive Headache
I have a friend who i care for a lot, but sometimes he can be annoying, lets call him Bobby.
I had hit my head and had a nasty bump and bruise dead-center in my forehead.
Bobby: wow! whats this fellas new name? (pointing at my bruise)
Me: His name is Bobby! he is a massive headache.
We still laugh about that one
My chef just told me there was a massive leak in the kitchen ceiling.
BEWARE MASSIVE CRINGE ALERT
i was at a wedding and one persons suit was marvel characters and my dad says "well that's just marvelous"
Somebody just threw a massive bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me
I only have super fish oil injuries and I'm lucky I wasn't krilled!
The Great Hall from Harry Potter is so massive it can fit 4 houses in it.
My wife and I just had a massive argument about our vacation.
I wanted to go to Cancun.
But she wanted to >!come with me!<
Why do Borg-ships suffer from massive electricle spikes?
Because resistance is futile
I just bought a new goose, but it's massive!
Thor recently had a MASSIVE party to celebrate being the most popular Asgardian, but was very upset about it.
Newspapers for the partially sighted are making massive headlines.
This guy with OCD hosted a massive house party.
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