In England, if you pay money to live in a toilet, you can tell people you're a loo tenant
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Croe01
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Napoleon was visiting a friend at his new estate. The friends great pride was his lavatory which was a big room with pottet plants, beautiful tapestries and carpets. When Napoleon saw this he was gobsmacked and exclaimed "What a loo!"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/operasmurf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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What do you call a house without a loo?

An ig.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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My wife left me because I used too many loo rolls.

I couldn't help that it all went to shit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alii-b
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Is the Capital of Kentucky pronounced Loo-iss-vil or Loo-ee-vil?

It is pronounced Frankfort.

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marycartlizer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2015
🚨︎ report
I've never played poker in my life, so I had quite a bit of trouble in the loo when I was in Her Majesty The Queen's palace..

You see, I don't know much about the royal flush.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apostjustforthis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky, Loo-is-vil or Loo-e-vul?

Frankfort

My dad just got me; he's been at it for 30 years

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guilty121
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2015
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do the British call a person who uses the toilet too often?

A Loo-natic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eeeeman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that the military has an officer designated for taking care of restrooms?

He's a loo tenant.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a one legged woman?

Eileen

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What's an IG?

An Eskimo's house without a loo! (UK folks this one's for you)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lacsantos91
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Me Dad got me with this one at dinner...

I was visiting my folks, and decided to take em out to dinner when Ma got home. We go for a feed, all is well. I'm standing up at the end of the table, leaning on its edge with me phone out as Ma was organising herself. Da came back from the loo, and asked me what I was doing on me phone.

"Checking me balance." I replied, showing him my bank app. I had just been paid and was moving money around to savings and such, after paying for dinner by phone NFC.

Without warning he gives me a good hip n shoulder, not hard enough to send me flying but enough to shift me a bit.

"Ya balance looks shit, boy."

He smirks at me as Ma groans audibly. Cheeky old bugger.

This is why he's going in a crooked retirement home you always see on the News.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oi-FatBeard
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the colour of a ghost’s washroom?

Boo-loo.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodium_hater
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What happened when the Lt. General had diarrhoea?

He became a loo-tenant...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vishal_rjagan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I just bought an ABBA toilet.

What a loo!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend is a new dad. He posted this on Facebook today...

"Is a lieutenant someone who rents a bathroom?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrm395
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
🚨︎ report
I spent New Year's Eve installing a new toilet...

...in loo of partying.

True story :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shurshacker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2015
🚨︎ report
I just bought a book about The Velvet Underground to read whilst on the toilet...

It's my loo reading.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NickNickNick89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Pulled this one on my parents while at a market.

We were all walking around a Christmas market here last week, and my dad had to pee. We finally found the loos, which is when we realised they were pay-per-use and none of us had any change. Peered at the door for a second, 50 pence to use the loo.

Dad: "How much is it?"

Me: "50 p for one pee".

All of us cracked up. I think dadjokes are in my blood. And I'm not even male.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anu26
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a snowhouse with no loo?

An Ig

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bb191
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What's an ig?

A snow house without a loo!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/90eight
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Quote for the day

Walking to the loo and said, I'm going to take a trump.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Overkill782
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2016
🚨︎ report

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