How does a rubber-band thank its listeners?
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︎ Feb 24 2021
My wife often complains that I'm a poor listener
But the truth is, I've a terrible sense of direction.
I always get lost in my thoughts.
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︎ Aug 27 2020
Why is corn a good listener?
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︎ Jul 18 2020
I hear corny people are the best listeners....
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︎ Apr 09 2020
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
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︎ Mar 03 2020
Which vegetable is the best listener?
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︎ Jan 07 2019
Why do people think border collies are such good listeners?
Because they act like they always herd you.
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︎ May 19 2019
People who are good listeners...
Are actually ear-responsible
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︎ Nov 10 2018
Sure, Van Gogh was a great painter, but he was also a great listener
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︎ Dec 18 2017
Our radio station's best listeners are at the jail
They are mostly a captive audience.
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︎ May 02 2015
No one will listen to White Snake with me
SO here I go again on my own
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︎ Mar 31 2021
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, βYouβre an 8 on a scale of 10.β
I still donβt get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
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︎ Mar 16 2021
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes werenβt that good, but I liked the execution.
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︎ May 15 2021
No one likes to listen to whitesnake with me
So here I go again on my own
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︎ May 03 2021
My 6 year old daughter was listening to music with me and came up with this one: What is a bananas favorite Tom Petty song?
You Dont Know How It Peels
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︎ Apr 02 2021
What kind of music do fish like to listen to?
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︎ May 04 2021
What was the sad teenager listening to while they were forced to do yard work?
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︎ May 13 2021
What genre of Music do Windmills listen to?
I've heard that they were Huge Metal Fans
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︎ May 20 2021
I told my son he shouldn't listen to losers
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︎ Apr 16 2021
I've been listening to acid jazz recently
I don't know why it's called acid jazz but it smells great.
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︎ May 06 2021
What do Woodlouses use when they want to listen to a mp3 file?
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︎ Apr 30 2021
My wife told me she's been listening to Serial
I said "Oh? That's interesting. I typically eat it."
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely
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︎ Nov 09 2020
My underprivileged friend will only listen to the b side of his records.
Itβs like he lives on the other side of the tracks.
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︎ Apr 25 2021
My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.
She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.
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︎ Mar 18 2021
I cut myself and now I need to listen to some music to make sure it heals good.
Or how the doctor put it, "A band aid."
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︎ Mar 28 2021
How do ghost listen to music?
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︎ Feb 05 2021
So I'm listening to music the other day when my wife comes home.
She asks, "Are you listening to Milli Vanilli?"
I said "Girl, you know it's truuuuuue!"
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︎ Apr 13 2021
I fell at work and cracked my tailbone. Now I canβt sit down and I have to listen to everyoneβs wise cracks..
All in all itβs been a real pain in the ass!
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︎ Mar 10 2021
What do you call a friend who will even go for a walk with you in the rain to listen to your worries?
A rainbro
(Recommended soundtrack for this joke: Bob Marley: Sun is shining. Youβll see why)
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︎ Apr 13 2021
I decided I want to do some more exercise after listening to Queen.
I want to ride my bicycle.
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︎ Apr 01 2021
I listen to every type of music except heavy metal
Because heavy metals are toxic.
(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Why did the milk glasses listen to the milk carton?
Because the carton was a litre.
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︎ Mar 23 2021
What type of music can the Royal Family not listen to?
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︎ Mar 23 2021
I have a tendency to not listen to people properly.
The doctor says it's because I've got 80HD.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
Do you wanna know what kind of music windmills listen to?
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︎ Feb 13 2021
You never listen, son.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
Barry Allen likes to listen to The Rolling Stones when he workouts
His favorite is βjumpinβ jack flashβ
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︎ Mar 09 2021
I like to listen to music as I fall asleep, so I tuned the radio to the Metal station
I've always been a heavy sleeper.
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︎ Mar 05 2021
My deaf girlfriend just told me, βWe need to talk.β
Thatβs not a good sign.
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︎ Mar 10 2021
My wife just said: "You never listen to me!"
And I thought that was a weird way to start a conversation.
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︎ Feb 18 2021
My wife tells me not to listen to the voices that bring me down and make me feel worthless.
She also complains that I never listen to her.
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︎ Feb 20 2021
I hate it when my wife says "Are you listening to me?!"
Such a random way to start a conversation.
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︎ Jun 14 2020
Anyone listened to the mountain joke?
If not u should cause itβs hil-arious
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︎ Jan 24 2021
Me: βOh, I wish Iβd listened to my motherβ Friend: βWhy? Whatβd she tell you?β
Me: βI donβt know, I wasnβt listeningβ
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︎ Feb 12 2021
A kid asked his dad, "what kind of music did you listen to growing up?" The dad said "I was big into Led Zeppelin." The son asked "who?"
"Yeah" the dad replied, "I liked them too."
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︎ Dec 16 2020
What kind of music do they listen to in the Czech Republic?
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︎ Jan 15 2021
[Warning 18+]
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Listening to The Who Won't Fooled Again
We start talking about Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
"He must be a king."
"How do you know?"
"He 'asn't got shit all over 'im."
Dad says "CSI:Medieval!"
He laughed at his own joke so hard I thought he was going to hurt himself.
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︎ Feb 09 2021
What do you call a narwhal that wonβt listen?
An ignarwhal.
Just told this one to my 6 year old daughter. complete crack up. Enjoy it while it lasts.
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︎ Feb 01 2021
What happens when you listen to a Death song 1,000 times?
It becomes a Megadeth song
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︎ Jan 19 2021
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good ,but I liked the execution
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︎ May 05 2021
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, βYouβre an 8 on a scale of 10." But what I still donβt get is why...
She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
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︎ Jan 18 2021
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