How does a rubber-band thank its listeners?
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︎ Feb 24 2021
My wife often complains that I'm a poor listener
But the truth is, I've a terrible sense of direction.
I always get lost in my thoughts.
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︎ Aug 27 2020
Why is corn a good listener?
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︎ Jul 18 2020
I hear corny people are the best listeners....
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︎ Apr 09 2020
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
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︎ Mar 03 2020
Why do people think border collies are such good listeners?
Because they act like they always herd you.
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︎ May 19 2019
Which vegetable is the best listener?
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︎ Jan 07 2019
People who are good listeners...
Are actually ear-responsible
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︎ Nov 10 2018
Sure, Van Gogh was a great painter, but he was also a great listener
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︎ Dec 18 2017
Our radio station's best listeners are at the jail
They are mostly a captive audience.
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︎ May 02 2015
Why do electricians listen to news radio when they work?
To keep up with current events.
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︎ Mar 05 2021
How do ghost listen to music?
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︎ Feb 05 2021
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely
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︎ Nov 09 2020
I have a tendency to not listen to people properly.
The doctor says it's because I've got 80HD.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, βYouβre an 8 on a scale of 10." But what I still donβt get is why...
She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
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︎ Jan 18 2021
Do you wanna know what kind of music windmills listen to?
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︎ Feb 13 2021
I like to listen to music as I fall asleep, so I tuned the radio to the Metal station
I've always been a heavy sleeper.
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︎ Mar 05 2021
I listen to every type of music except heavy metal
Because heavy metals are toxic.
(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)
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︎ Dec 15 2020
My wife just said: "You never listen to me!"
And I thought that was a weird way to start a conversation.
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︎ Feb 18 2021
My wife tells me not to listen to the voices that bring me down and make me feel worthless.
She also complains that I never listen to her.
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︎ Feb 20 2021
Me: βOh, I wish Iβd listened to my motherβ Friend: βWhy? Whatβd she tell you?β
Me: βI donβt know, I wasnβt listeningβ
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︎ Feb 12 2021
You never listen, son.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
[Warning 18+]
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Anyone listened to the mountain joke?
If not u should cause itβs hil-arious
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︎ Jan 24 2021
Listening to The Who Won't Fooled Again
We start talking about Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
"He must be a king."
"How do you know?"
"He 'asn't got shit all over 'im."
Dad says "CSI:Medieval!"
He laughed at his own joke so hard I thought he was going to hurt himself.
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︎ Feb 09 2021
What kind of music do they listen to in the Czech Republic?
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︎ Jan 15 2021
What do you call a narwhal that wonβt listen?
An ignarwhal.
Just told this one to my 6 year old daughter. complete crack up. Enjoy it while it lasts.
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︎ Feb 01 2021
A kid asked his dad, "what kind of music did you listen to growing up?" The dad said "I was big into Led Zeppelin." The son asked "who?"
"Yeah" the dad replied, "I liked them too."
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︎ Dec 16 2020
What happens when you listen to a Death song 1,000 times?
It becomes a Megadeth song
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︎ Jan 19 2021
"All you're doing is listening to what I say to tell me I'm wrong!"
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︎ Jan 31 2021
I kept telling my brother not to put the Q-tip in too deep, but he never listens to my words.
It goes into one ear, and out the other.
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︎ Jan 22 2021
I hate it when my wife says "Are you listening to me?!"
Such a random way to start a conversation.
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︎ Jun 14 2020
My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
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︎ Jan 24 2021
What sort of music did cave men listen to?
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︎ Jan 07 2021
My Wife Constantly Asks If Iβm Listening to What Sheβs Saying
Such a weird way to start a conversation.
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︎ Oct 13 2020
An answer in a listening test was "specific background material" and a classmate asked if it was ok to just write "background material"
The teacher said it had to be specific
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︎ Nov 18 2020
What music do chickens listen to?
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︎ Oct 19 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
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︎ Dec 02 2020
What do liberal metalheads listen to?
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Today I found out that you can actually hear the blood flowing through your veins.
You just have to listen varicosely.
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︎ Jan 24 2021
I've been listening to Pink Floyd for an hour.
I think I'll skip to track 2 now.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
I let my cat outside today but when I started listening to Daft Punk she rushed back inside
I guess she is more of a house cat
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︎ Aug 27 2020
I tried telling my friend some deer fun facts but he wasn't interested in listening to me.
I feel he isn't fawned of them.
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︎ Dec 04 2020
My wife tells me I have 2 major faults,
I don't listen - and something else.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"
What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
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︎ Aug 30 2020
My wife said, βYou really have no sense of direction, do you?β
I said, βWhere did that come from?β
Edit: Thanks for the love. Iβm right speechless.
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︎ Nov 10 2020
What starts with a W and ends with a T.
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︎ Jul 04 2020
Beach
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︎ Nov 09 2020
I have a hard time listening to people explain how to sharpen knives.
Itβs very dull at the beginning.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
My granddad tried to tell everyone that would listen that the Titanic would sink...
They finally kicked him out of the theater.
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︎ Oct 28 2020
Whatβs the best music to listen to on a hike
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︎ Oct 22 2020
What kind of music do they listen to in the czech republic?
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︎ Jan 07 2021
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to:
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︎ Nov 20 2020
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