My wife often complains that I'm a poor listener
But the truth is, I've a terrible sense of direction.
I always get lost in my thoughts.
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︎ Aug 27 2020
Why is corn a good listener?
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︎ Jul 18 2020
I hear corny people are the best listeners....
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︎ Apr 09 2020
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
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︎ Mar 03 2020
Why do people think border collies are such good listeners?
Because they act like they always herd you.
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︎ May 19 2019
Which vegetable is the best listener?
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︎ Jan 07 2019
People who are good listeners...
Are actually ear-responsible
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︎ Nov 10 2018
Sure, Van Gogh was a great painter, but he was also a great listener
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︎ Dec 18 2017
Our radio station's best listeners are at the jail
They are mostly a captive audience.
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︎ May 02 2015
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely
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︎ Nov 09 2020
An answer in a listening test was "specific background material" and a classmate asked if it was ok to just write "background material"
The teacher said it had to be specific
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︎ Nov 18 2020
My Wife Constantly Asks If Iβm Listening to What Sheβs Saying
Such a weird way to start a conversation.
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︎ Oct 13 2020
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to:
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︎ Nov 20 2020
What music do chickens listen to?
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︎ Oct 19 2020
I've been listening to Pink Floyd for an hour.
I think I'll skip to track 2 now.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
My wife said, βYou really have no sense of direction, do you?β
I said, βWhere did that come from?β
Edit: Thanks for the love. Iβm right speechless.
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Beach
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︎ Nov 09 2020
My granddad tried to tell everyone that would listen that the Titanic would sink...
They finally kicked him out of the theater.
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︎ Oct 28 2020
Whatβs the best music to listen to on a hike
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︎ Oct 22 2020
I let my cat outside today but when I started listening to Daft Punk she rushed back inside
I guess she is more of a house cat
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︎ Aug 27 2020
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"
What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
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︎ Aug 30 2020
I have a hard time listening to people explain how to sharpen knives.
Itβs very dull at the beginning.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
My friend was listening to Chinese rap.
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︎ Oct 17 2020
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︎ Oct 17 2020
Son, What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Huh, they listen to Wrap music !
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︎ Oct 10 2020
What music genre wonβt balloons listen to?
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︎ Aug 25 2020
My son asked me βWhat music did you listen to when you were young?β I said, βPete Townshendβ.
My son: Who?
Me: Exactly.
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︎ Sep 11 2020
Listened to orchestra last night.
Listened to Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra last night.
Halfway through the concert the man playing the triangle disappeared.
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︎ Sep 15 2020
What starts with a W and ends with a T.
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︎ Jul 04 2020
I canβt listen to to classical music anymore, it overwhelms my senses.
I simply cannot Handel it.
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︎ Sep 02 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
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︎ Sep 22 2020
Don't ever listen to anyone telling you that you can't be something you want to!!.....
Everyone told Beethoven too that he can't be a musician just because he was deaf........
Did He Listen???!!
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︎ Sep 28 2020
My wife says I've been listening to a lot of 80s rock recently
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︎ Aug 31 2020
Iβm getting tired of listening to my military friend talk about using UAVs...
He just drones on and on.
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︎ Sep 30 2020
Alright listen up, because Iβm only going to say this once
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︎ Sep 02 2020
Listening to sonic heroes makes me want to destroy a certain amount of robots
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︎ Sep 24 2020
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, βYouβre an 8 on a scale of 10.β
I still donβt get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
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︎ Sep 15 2020
I was just sitting on the couch when my friend tells me, βyour not even listening to me.β
I thought thatβs a very weird way to start a conversation.
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︎ Aug 29 2020
What music do frogs listen to?
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︎ Aug 04 2020
What kind of music do you listen to while fishing?
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︎ Aug 28 2020
Martha had always listened to her parents when they said βstay away from fireβ, but today, her interests got the best of her and she intentionally lit herself on fire just to see what it felt like.
Martha was burning with curiosity
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︎ Jul 15 2020
I listened to Queen albums for 12 hours in a row, and now I feel a little sick.
It must be the high Mercury content.
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︎ Dec 01 2019
No one wants to listen to Whitesnake with me !
So here I go again on my own
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︎ Jul 11 2020
My wife said she wants me to stop listening to Wonderwallβ¦
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︎ May 24 2020
My son asked me, βWhat was your favourite music to listen to when growing up?β I said, βLed Zeppelinβ.
My son: Who?
Me: Yes, they were good too.
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︎ Jun 02 2020
Just listened to W.A.P...
It reminded me to bath my cat.
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︎ Aug 27 2020
I love listening to the can-can
Everytime it finishes, I turn it Offenbach on again
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︎ Aug 18 2020
Listening to AC/DC
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︎ Aug 05 2019
I hate it when my wife says "Are you listening to me?!"
Such a random way to start a conversation.
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︎ Jun 14 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. MOM: Oh my! Who!? DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
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︎ Aug 19 2020
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