I hear corny people are the best listeners....
π︎ 22
π
︎ Apr 09 2020
Which vegetable is the best listener?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 07 2019
Our radio station's best listeners are at the jail
They are mostly a captive audience.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 02 2015
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
My wife tells me not to listen to the voices that bring me down and make me feel worthless.
She also complains that I never listen to her.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
Anyone listened to the mountain joke?
If not u should cause itβs hil-arious
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
Listening to The Who Won't Fooled Again
We start talking about Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
"He must be a king."
"How do you know?"
"He 'asn't got shit all over 'im."
Dad says "CSI:Medieval!"
He laughed at his own joke so hard I thought he was going to hurt himself.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 09 2021
What kind of music do they listen to in the Czech Republic?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
A kid asked his dad, "what kind of music did you listen to growing up?" The dad said "I was big into Led Zeppelin." The son asked "who?"
"Yeah" the dad replied, "I liked them too."
π︎ 39
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
I kept telling my brother not to put the Q-tip in too deep, but he never listens to my words.
It goes into one ear, and out the other.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
My granddad tried to tell everyone that would listen that the Titanic would sink...
They finally kicked him out of the theater.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
Whatβs the best music to listen to on a hike
π︎ 25
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
I was just sitting on the couch when my friend tells me, βyour not even listening to me.β
I thought thatβs a very weird way to start a conversation.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
Martha had always listened to her parents when they said βstay away from fireβ, but today, her interests got the best of her and she intentionally lit herself on fire just to see what it felt like.
Martha was burning with curiosity
π︎ 72
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
My wife looked at me the other day and said βYouβre not listening to anything Iβve said!β
I said to her βThere are better ways to start a conversation.β
π︎ 32
π
︎ Jul 03 2020
I love listening to the can-can
Everytime it finishes, I turn it Offenbach on again
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 18 2020
I listened to a jazz ensemble when I was at the ocean shore for vacation...
Nothing beats sax on the beach!
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jun 17 2020
What kind of music do you listen to during the coronavirus?
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 22 2020
My wife just complained I wasnβt listening and walked out of the room
Weird way to start a conversation.
π︎ 209
π
︎ Jan 27 2020
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
π︎ 364
π
︎ Oct 12 2019
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
Because he has herd them all.
π︎ 110
π
︎ Nov 17 2019
I once saw a little guy with a red pointy hat riding the D.C. subway, listening to some music, tapping his toes perfectly in time with the beat
He was the greatest Metro Gnome ever.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 16 2020
Did you hear what happened to guy that listened to the match?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 02 2020
Driving down the road, listening to Disney songs. I look in my rear view mirror. My two-year-old is grooving. I ask her, "Aw, are you dancing?" And she replies,
π︎ 20
π
︎ Nov 23 2019
What song does the Rick and Morty creator listen to while on a boat?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 05 2020
Two wind turbines sit in the ocean, one turns to the other and says βWhat music do you listen to?β
The turbine says βIβm a massive heavy metal fanβ
π︎ 343
π
︎ Mar 18 2019
Dad: "Ok guys you have the listen to what the WHO has to say"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 22 2020
My grandpa warned people the titanic would sink
No one listened but he kept warning them until people got sick of him and threw him out of the cinema.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
I listened to the new Lion King soundtrack tonight...
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jul 29 2019
A blind and deaf man listens to braille music for the first time.
He says: βThis shit bumps!β
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 15 2020
Why did all the measurements listen to Volume?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 11 2020
My wife left me because I made too many Green Day references
Do you have the time to listen to me whine
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I like sitting around the Christmas Tree listening to Slayer.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 14 2019
If you take LSD by accident listen to some dubstep, bass will neutralize the acid
LSD is also known as acid, bass sounds same as base, in chemistry acid and base neutralize each other
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 22 2019
What kind of music do they listen to in the czech republic?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to:
π︎ 25
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
π︎ 19
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. MOM: Oh my! Who!? DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
I was listening to the radio...
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way into town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 01 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 07 2020
You can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely
π︎ 216
π
︎ Jun 21 2019
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
π︎ 257
π
︎ May 16 2019
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way into town, apparently an actress just killed herself
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 30 2020
What kind of music do people in the Czech Republic listen to?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 11 2020
What did the blind man say when he listened to Braille music for the first time?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 14 2019
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