Lap Puns

A list of puns related to "Lap"

What do you call a dog that likes laps?

A Laprador

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👤︎ u/SpookyGhost_txt
📅︎ Dec 25 2020
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I did a few laps around the gym today.

Tomorrow I might go in.

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👤︎ u/Damander
📅︎ Nov 27 2020
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A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on the lap.

He’s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum haired beauty jumps to feet, “what gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?”she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer an apology

“You keep out of this! She yells, “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

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👤︎ u/crazyfortaco
📅︎ Nov 20 2020
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I spilled Thai tea on my lap....

Now my undies are Thai tea whiteys.

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👤︎ u/fulloftrivia
📅︎ Jan 21 2020
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When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.

It's called Parking Son's disease.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.

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👤︎ u/unlucky_genius
📅︎ Mar 12 2018
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What do you call it when you run a lap, walk a lap, run a lap, walk a lap?

Intermittent fasting

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👤︎ u/boogerknows
📅︎ Jan 10 2020
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Growing up I couldn’t do math unless I was sitting in someone’s lap. When I was younger it was never a problem finding someone that would let me sit on their lap, but now that I’m older...

I can’t count on anyone

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👤︎ u/spunkards97
📅︎ Aug 23 2019
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My daughter jumped onto my lap and proclaimed "Daddy, I'm bored."

I am so glad to get this promotion to become the chair man of the bored.

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👤︎ u/Calthropstu
📅︎ May 14 2019
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I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...

She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.

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👤︎ u/tc_lion0
📅︎ Feb 07 2019
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A tap dancing career is one L away from a lap dancing career...
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👤︎ u/spruitt1
📅︎ Dec 13 2018
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"Stock up!" my dad said, tossing a bag of shredded cheese onto my lap.

"Donald Trump is going to make America grate again."

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👤︎ u/Nroak
📅︎ Mar 03 2016
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Where did lap dogs originate?

Lapland.

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👤︎ u/snuggeybug
📅︎ Dec 16 2018
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Eating toast at a restaurant when I realize all the crumbs on my lap.

My friend: Well you've always been a crumby person.

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👤︎ u/audrey_plaza
📅︎ May 21 2015
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What does the pirate say when he has a steering wheel in his lap?

YAR!!! IM DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!

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👤︎ u/MBStage101
📅︎ Feb 27 2018
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I spilled coffee on my lap

I was up all night.

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👤︎ u/wheezy360
📅︎ May 29 2016
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I told my dog to put his front paws on my lap but he jumped on the couch instead

What an embarrassing four paw (faux pas) that was!

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👤︎ u/furushotakeru
📅︎ Feb 27 2017
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The cat jumped into my lap tonight and I told my wife that it has a favorite side to be pet on.

The outside.

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👤︎ u/one_mississippi
📅︎ Oct 01 2016
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Girlfriends brother drops food on his lap at the dinner table

Dad: What are you feeding that thing for?! Don't you know that it will grow on its own?

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👤︎ u/Deezymyneezy
📅︎ Jan 09 2015
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Wife dropped this one in my lap today.

We're in the middle of moving and i just got my bookshelves all set up. Unfortunately, there isn't enough space in one single room for them all (I've got too many, like addiction level). My wife brings up that the author 'B' section probably has the most books. I'm pretty sure it's 'S' names. Then she unleashes, "That makes sense, because it's just a bunch of b.s." Golf clap.

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👤︎ u/Totep
📅︎ Mar 26 2015
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Just got dad joked by a 4 year old sitting on her dad's lap

Asked them if someone was sitting in the chair next to them and the dad says "no." So I sit down and with a huge smile the little girl says "now someone is sitting there!" The cutest.

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👤︎ u/rand0mstuf
📅︎ Dec 21 2013
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When I reach home, my youngest son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it while making car sounds. His cute antics always make me forget that he is suffering from a rare disease.

It is called Parking Son's disease.

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👤︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
📅︎ Jun 07 2019
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"Stock up!" said my dad as he tossed a bag of shredded cheese onto my lap.

"Donald Trump is going to make America grate again."

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👤︎ u/Nroak
📅︎ Mar 03 2016
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