I was disappointed by my recent theatre trip the other day: I thought it was a comedy set in a hospital but turns out it was just a play on wards.
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They don't make them like they are going to anymore
Neil before me..
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
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He wasn't raking in enough.
Under arrest?
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
Poor bastard.
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Now what do I do about the rest of the animal?
I should have known they'd dyne and dash.
It appears completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and I feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΞΏΜ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
It was re-choired!
Because Jesus didn't want to be double crossed
That would be called a reservation reservation reservation
Credit to Brian Regan
βAAAH! TALKING MUFFIN!!!β
No tres passing.β
Thankfully I got a constellation prize.
Man Iβm glad thatβs out of the whey.
Damn who keeps taking my silver medals?
I told him, βI donβt think they have what youβre looking for, sir.β
Itβs going to be class-ified under moonlight
Because it was hungry
The second guy died.
Neil before him.
They keep asking for dose dos
"I artichoke you for that"
12 second
Edit1: Since so many of you guys are confused, it's like January second, February second and so on.
Edit2: No 22nd doesn't count.
It was here a minute ago.
...really trumps the first one.
9mm bullets hurt like hell.
I told her it was because Ken came in another box.
It's because they dilate.
A reservation reservation reservation
I asked her how she could possibly get anything done in such a short amount of time.
Neil before me
Poor guy.
Neil before me!
Neil before me.
"Neil before me"
Neil before me
