I couldn't sway him.
....and absolutely stuffed myself.
. . . you would die.
It is impeccable.
you could go to jail for a very long time?
I think I'm hitting ROCK BOTTOM
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
Humped D dumped E
Made a great job of the landing ..
I guess he didn't expect a my tea throw.
They’d all be a lot more comfortable
He gets fired.
Wife: "Wow son! You had so much to eat this morning! Papa makes the best eggs."
Me: "I think chickens make the best eggs."
🐔
it’ll always scare the chicks away...
Where do sunburned dinosaurs go for help?
The Allosaurus.
He earned a high-five for that one.
He had plenty of dad yolks to go around
When asked the question, "What came first, the chicken or the egg" the boy stared out the window for a few and came back with...
"I don't know, dad, I can't crack that one."
He had no idea why I was laughing so hard.
My brother and I are watching Star Wars VI. The Rebel Alliance is talking about destroying the shields on the planet Endor. I turn to my brother and ask him, "Isn't Endor the planet with the forests and tall trees?". He grins, turns to me, and says, "No; that's Outdoor". I'm astounded a 12 year old could be so clever.
But it’s growing on me now
For some reason, the judge was in favor of the trespasser.
The man slammed his hand down on the table. “But I have concrete proof!”
He sent my mom and I this picture looking into his office. A parting joke well done.
https://imgur.com/gallery/Z92Ifjx
He was delighted.
“You were supposed to be practicing expelliarmus on him, not this!”
“That’s what I did! I disarmed him!”
Call it gametes.
You are the only people who really know me inside out.
she would be fucking without any limits.
It went on a course.
Came up with this today while laying bricks :) Possibly a bit niche outside of a building site.
Don't worry, it's an occupational hazard.
"What's 5q + 5q?" he asks
"I don't know... 10q?" I answer
"You're welcome!" he says, laughing.
If you don't get it, say it out loud.
EDIT: If you still don't get it, 10q sounds like "Thank you" (or at least is supposed to).
Her - "I love this little purse. I hardly ever wear it because it's so small. I'm always forgetting what's inside it. It's always exciting to see what I'll find!"
Me - "huh, I guess one might say it's a grab bag. (insert dad face)
P.s. I don't know how to italicize.
So my wife is working on Genealogy stuff, and was asking her dad about some of his family history. After telling a few stories about some of his other uncles, he comes to his uncle Charles. "I was named after him, you know..." he tells us.
We look at him more than a bit incredulously, as his name is Michael.
He smiles and says "What? I sure as hell wasn't named BEFORE him..."
SM: “I bought some shaved Parmesan and manchego”
D: “oh good that hairy Parmesan was no good last time”
They called Time on their careers
Girl on the show is addicted to sniffing moth balls and he says:
"It must be hard for those moths to fly with balls that big."
A New York new yolk.
My 8 year old daughter just made this one up over dinner in little Italy. We're in the city visiting my wife's brother's family who had their first baby last summer. I was pretty impressed and had to share.
You could say it's my wingman.
We were walking past a shop in which there was a dog.
DS:what type of dog is that?
Me: a boxer.
DS: no it's not.
Me: yes it is.
DS: then where's his gloves?
(I know this isn't like most posts here but thought it might pass)
edit: he's 12 by the way. And already all about the puns. I feel for any children he has in the future)
I answered, "my virginity"
Chromulus and Chremus.
Lots of them are being fired
My dad has a slight arabic accent. We approached an orange light and he said:
Dad: Another orange light
Me: It's because you're bad luck
Dad: No, I'm with numbers
Me: What?
Dad: I'm a lock with numbers, not a padlock
Mom: "My ear is ringing." Dad: "Well don't be rude, answer it."
you'd die?
