I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
My vet picked up my dog, looked at him and confirmed that he was cross-eyed and that he had to be put down.
Confused and upset, I asked why.
The vet advised he was too heavy to hold any longer.
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My wife asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I said: “Of course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”
It was so painful having to put my pet dog down today.
I might have to get my back checked out.
A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.
For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.
I had a great childhood, I remember my dad would put me in a tire & roll me down the hill all summer.
I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.
He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.
I’ve just been reading a book about anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down!
I had to put my foot down today.
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo
My wife yelled at me to put the toilet seat down
I can’t even remember why I was carrying it around
I don’t know how you guys get home every night but, I squat down, put my head between my knees and fall forward.
When I joined the local Grammar Nazi Party, they gave me their logo to put on my car. It's an upside-down, lower-case "e."
You know, a schwa sticker.
I had to put my cat down
He was just too heavy to keep holding
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. “We had sex education today, dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!” I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
My two month old daughter doesn’t like being put down to sleep.
I’m going to try complementing her instead.
I had to put my dog down this evening.
People had enough of me carrying it around.
I put a handful of ants down my pants the other day
It was a bit of an anti-climax
One of my favorite times in my life was when my brothers put me in car tires and pushed me down hills
My wife told me to put the baby down at bedtime
I said, "son, you're never going to amount to anything."
Mom: I hear that John's business is doing a lot better. How did he manage to get enough people to slow down on that stretch of highway to even notice his store? Dad: Oh, he followed my advice and put up a billboard.
"Nude Colony Ahead, Keep Your Eyes on the Road!"
My cat gained so much weight that I had to put her down
My arms got tired but I'll pick her up again later
I had to put my cat down today.
She's overweight and my arms were getting tired.
I had a math test and the bouns question was to put down the first three numbers of Pi to celebrate Pi day.
I guess i would rate this day a 22/7.
Had to put my dog down
Tired of carrying his lazy ass around.
When my friend told me to stop pretending to be a flamingo I had to put my foot down
I was reading a horror story in braille, but I had to put it down
I felt something bad was going to happen
My students spent too much time looking at the clock yesterday, so I put it face down this morning. When the students asked where my clock went, I responded " you guys stared it down yesterday..." 5 seconds later chuckles started popcorning throughout the room.
Had to put down the family dog yesterday.
As we were heading out the door, my son plopped down on the floor, hoisted both of his feet into the air, looked up at me and screeched, "Daddy, put my shoes on please!"
I looked down at him and chuckled, “I think my feet are too big.”
You know, I had such a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tyres and roll me down the hill.
My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down...
Don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My wife asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I said: “Of course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. “We had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!” I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I put my foot down
My wife just told me to put the toilet seat down.
I don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place
I was reading a book, I can't put it Down.
"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
I had a happy childhood, my dad used to put me in a tyre and roll me down the hill...
When someone tells me to stop acting like a flamingo, that’s when I put my foot down.
When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.
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