Can’t put it down
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.

He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/srirachase
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
I’ve just been reading a book about anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down!
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Solilupus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
I had a great childhood, I remember my dad would put me in a tire & roll me down the hill all summer.

Those were Goodyears

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drunk98
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
I don’t know how you guys get home every night but, I squat down, put my head between my knees and fall forward.

That’s how I roll

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blueholeload
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
When I joined the local Grammar Nazi Party, they gave me their logo to put on my car. It's an upside-down, lower-case "e."

You know, a schwa sticker.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Elvis_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
I had to put my foot down today.

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo

πŸ‘︎ 118
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
My wife yelled at me to put the toilet seat down

I can’t even remember why I was carrying it around

πŸ‘︎ 313
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
I had to put my cat down

He was just too heavy to keep holding

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
My two month old daughter doesn’t like being put down to sleep.

I’m going to try complementing her instead.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTayloceraptor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
I had to put my dog down this evening.

People had enough of me carrying it around.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down...

Don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinnBelly21
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My wife asked me if I was going to put it up myself.

I said: β€œOf course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”

πŸ‘︎ 118
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mark30322
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I put a handful of ants down my pants the other day

It was a bit of an anti-climax

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/4wwn4h
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. β€œWe had sex education today, dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!” I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…

β€œOh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
🚨︎ report
One of my favorite times in my life was when my brothers put me in car tires and pushed me down hills

They were Goodyear’s

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lZombieChaserl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Mom: I hear that John's business is doing a lot better. How did he manage to get enough people to slow down on that stretch of highway to even notice his store? Dad: Oh, he followed my advice and put up a billboard.

"Nude Colony Ahead, Keep Your Eyes on the Road!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to put the baby down at bedtime

I said, "son, you're never going to amount to anything."

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gstrong2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to put my cat down today.

She's overweight and my arms were getting tired.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My cat gained so much weight that I had to put her down

My arms got tired but I'll pick her up again later

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JennaTalia22
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I was reading a book, I can't put it Down.

Its on Anti-gravity.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChiefSahib
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a happy childhood, my dad used to put me in a tyre and roll me down the hill...

They were GoodYears

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewwap
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife just told me to put the toilet seat down.

I don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place

πŸ‘︎ 157
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrcheckpointeh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
🚨︎ report
When my friend told me to stop pretending to be a flamingo I had to put my foot down

Happy Father's Day!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DinoCuddlez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Had to put my dog down

Tired of carrying his lazy ass around.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/immasebe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a math test and the bouns question was to put down the first three numbers of Pi to celebrate Pi day.

I guess i would rate this day a 22/7.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amigolol789
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I was reading a horror story in braille, but I had to put it down

I felt something bad was going to happen

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My students spent too much time looking at the clock yesterday, so I put it face down this morning. When the students asked where my clock went, I responded " you guys stared it down yesterday..." 5 seconds later chuckles started popcorning throughout the room.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrfilip
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Had to put down the family dog yesterday.

He was just so heavy!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spittballion
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
When someone tells me to stop acting like a flamingo, that’s when I put my foot down.
πŸ‘︎ 403
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lafleur2017
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Had colonoscopy the other day and laid this one on the doctors while waiting to pass out: I'm gonna put you guys down in my resume as references.

You are the only people who really know me inside out.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kenef
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife keeps saying to put down the bag of dirt I'm holding.

But I'm keeping my ground

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/udrys
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Her: In the future, can you put the toilet seat down?

Me: Now I need to know how to time travel?

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
The vet said he had to put my dog down.

His arms were starting to hurt.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Guy2things
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to put down the toilet seat.

So I walked over to it and said, "You stink of urine!"

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
🚨︎ report
As we were heading out the door, my son plopped down on the floor, hoisted both of his feet into the air, looked up at me and screeched, "Daddy, put my shoes on please!"

I looked down at him and chuckled, β€œI think my feet are too big.”

πŸ‘︎ 161
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2017
🚨︎ report
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaxnhobo
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Put this cheese on some bread with turkey, and I can't WHEAT to GOBBLE it down...
πŸ‘︎ 131
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weiyanzhuo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did the horse have to be put down?

It was too heavy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chris_cobra
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity...It’s impossible to put down!
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnathanWickers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are baby flamingos so routy? Because the parents never put their foot down.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Northern_Cracker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
🚨︎ report
My dog wouldnt stop eating the furniture so I decided to put him down.

This morning I called him fat and said he had no friends.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomDrunk88
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book on anti gravity, its impossible to put down!
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJapanPeople
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
🚨︎ report
It’s hard explaining to a child that sometime you have to put a dog down.

They just want to hold it to show their love!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RexDiometus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I was reading a book – β€˜The History of Glue’ – I couldn’t put it down.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zahi36501
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
🚨︎ report
When I was out fishing with my dad I put my beer down to change my hook and it fell over and spilled. He looked at me and said.

Brew...tality!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hooklinersinker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm reading this book about anti-gravity. it's impossible to put it down!

Source: https://www.instagram.com/p/BjdHDVAAQpo/?taken-by=jojothegamingdad

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jakkerman1995
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I had a happy childhood. My dad would put me inside a tyre and then roll me down a hill.

They were Goodyears.

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_-reddit-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2016
🚨︎ report
Sometimes i like to crouch down, put my head between my knees and lean forward..

Cos THATS how i roll.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gnrlp2007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2016
🚨︎ report
I finally had to put my foot down with my wife

She told me to stop trying to be a flamingo

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/molinafan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Why does the zoo put down ever eagle that gets sick?

because they are ill-eagle

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Something_Syck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2016
🚨︎ report
I was talking about my dog being put down when my husband interjected with a racist dad joke...

Me: Did you know euthanasia is pink? Husband: What do you mean? Youth in Asia are yellow.

Because apparently euthanisia sounds like youth in Asia... Face palm.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2014
🚨︎ report
When my Dad put his name down at a restaurant his name would be "Zeus". When the someone inquired about his odd name he would say "it's short for "Jesus"

Jesus being the Latin pronunciation. Extra credit, he's hella white.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FR0GWISE
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
🚨︎ report
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. β€œWe had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!” I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…

β€œOh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”

πŸ‘︎ 208
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarsonLarson
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I put my foot down
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RoyTheShip
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bopper71
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me I had to stop acting like I was a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phrygianhalfcad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/steve_es
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down
πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Megablast13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2017
🚨︎ report
I’ve been reading a book on anti-gravity and it’s just impossible for me to put down!
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tajnotmahal
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I had to put my cat down today.

I was getting tired.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zergodopier
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2015
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/priomahmedrabby
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mblondie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
🚨︎ report

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