UFO caught on tape
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In order to find you a measuring tape,
Sherlock and Watson arrived on the scene of a murder and the only clue was a measuring tape pulled out to exactly 12 inches.
Apparently something was afoot.
I ordered a self help tape called, "How to handle disappointment."...
When the package came....the box was empty.
If a doctor fixes you up with duct tape…
He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.
My tape measure fell asleep
I found it very inch-resting
So I walked into my daughter's room with a tape measure the other day, and she was lying on her bed reading a book. I stood in the doorway and started slowly extending the tape measure, all the way across the room, until it touched her cheek. "What??" she asked me. My response...
"I'm measuring your patience!"
I'm on the couch playing video games when my dad walks in with a tape measure
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
Duct tape is like the Force.
It has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together.
From my 7yo: “What is stronger than tape?”
“More tape.”
When we last met he was but the student now he is the master.
The truth about duck tape
I was setting up posts to put caution tape around...
And this old man asked if I was protesting. I explained that we were setting up wooden posts to keep people from parking too close to the building.
He said “looks to me like you’re making a stand....get it?”
Eye roll
Man UFO Israel you can see they are caught on tape. (Caught on tape is taken from a post from this r/ but I don't remember u/ name from 2018)
They all ways told me I couldn't make a joke about tape measurers
They told me I'd never measure up
What does the creator of flex tape run in?
Flex shoes; they make him go Phil Swift!
Just got the Father-in-law with this one... Me: At Disney World parades they keep people in line with masking tape on the ground.
Father-in-Law: And do people actually adhere to it?
Me: No, cuz they put it sticky side down.
Why do guys keep a tape measure under their bed?
To measure how long they sleep!
My roommate Esther and I wanted to get a new rug for our apartment, but we didn't have a tape measure. So we had to use Esther's height to guess the approximate dimensions we wanted. We bought a rug one Esther wide by two Esthers long. You could say we...
I’m having an affair with a tape measure.
It’s amazing the lengths it will go to please me.
Fiancé dropped a roll of tape..
He stepped on it and said to his coworker “oh shit! You caught me on tape”
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
My Dad asked for help with measuring but kept letting go of the other end of the tape measure
He was measuring my patience
What happens when you tape two peaches together?
They are pitted against one another.
Using exactly 12" of duct tape to fix a leaking pipe is a Stop-Gap Measure
Duct tape used for everything, including puns
Duct tape isn't ever used for its intended purpose...
But it DOES seal quacks in ducks
What is an alcoholics favorite kind of tape?
I figure it’s finally time for me to get famous by releasing my sex tape.
They're lots of options when buying tape and duct tape gets a lot of recognition but i've
Always found transparent tape to be the clear winner.
When tape was first invented a lot of people didn't like it...
They thought it was really tacky. It's pretty impressive it was able to stick around
Tapes have both sides A and B
It is logical that they will have a successor called CD
I got my girlfriend duct tape and packing tape
I've heard mixtapes are romantic
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