I told him: "you're alright in my book!"
I told her that she is really boxing me in. Can't wait until these dad jokes become official.
http://i.imgur.com/np9XSde.jpg
https://preview.redd.it/soczvvwqhcw61.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=968c24dae8b9825c25d87b56b04687391be30a77
Apparently something was afoot.
Because tapes strong together.
When the package came....the box was empty.
He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.
I guess selfish shellfish sell swell fish.
Brave fart
I found it very inch-resting
...she was an LPN.
We had a Don't Bother Checking account.
My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.
Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.
For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.
My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").
We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."
We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.
My pillow only had one side.
Repossession was 9/10 of the law.
Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.
Our scotch tape was scots-irish.
(I'm allowed)
My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.
One year Santa had to bring stockings.
The next year he filled them with nooses.
I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.
Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.
"I'm measuring your patience!"
It has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together.
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
“Tape it to a brick, then it will sink really well”
“More tape.”
When we last met he was but the student now he is the master.
I live for them, they quack me up. Give me what y'all got >:)
And this old man asked if I was protesting. I explained that we were setting up wooden posts to keep people from parking too close to the building.
He said “looks to me like you’re making a stand....get it?”
Eye roll
Confused.
The awl mighty.
Flex shoes; they make him go Phil Swift!
They told me I'd never measure up
He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.
He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.
When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.
“Something I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.
Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.
“That’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”
So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.
He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.
“Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”
Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”
Father-in-Law: And do people actually adhere to it? Me: No, cuz they put it sticky side down.
To measure how long they sleep!
It’s amazing the lengths it will go to please me.
He stepped on it and said to his coworker “oh shit! You caught me on tape”
Hopscotch
He was measuring my patience
They are pitted against one another.
