One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sound recorder that exploded?

A boom mic.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SBSisUnique
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Video game record
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KevlarYarmulke
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My record collection includes Bruce Springsteen, John Cougar Mellencamp, and Tom Petty. It’s almost a full Heartland Rock set...

Close, but no Seger.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record...

The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.

Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.

They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.

After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.

So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Swanbrother
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...

Expunge Bob

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeoffInNC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
One of my fathers last wishes was to have his ashes pressed into a record....

It was his vinyl request.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what happens when you play a country record backwards?

Your truck comes back, your wife comes back, your dog comes back, your trailer isn’t flooded...

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wonkagloop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.

She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:

Icy, what you did there.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does Phil Collins record his music?

In his stu-stu-studio

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I was telling my friend that brown rice is the same as white rice, but with a criminal record....

He thinks I'm a riceist for saying that.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm obsessed with collecting old Beatles records. My friends say I need help..

..but I've already got that one.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Button_FC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?

There were repercussions.

πŸ‘︎ 192
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayingMantis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Last year I recorded a video with my brother

Now we have brovid-19

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aereau
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists have recently recorded the sounds of two helium atoms laughing

HeHe

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
There once was a record store. The owner was seventy-four. One day he fell ill then wrote in his will , β€œbury me with records galore”

It was his vinyl resting place

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My son was recording some audio for homework

Him: "Reasons that doing research underwater can be difficult include..."

Me (from my office): "the paper will get too wet!"

Him: "UGH!" stops and restarts recording

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosTechnician
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do rappers say when they finish recording?

That's a movie.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leif_hans
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I was recording my wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.

Now I’ll never hear the end of it.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I am currently one of the world record holders for the Rubik's Cube...

It has been 43 years and I still cannot solve it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EverySingleMinute
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
People are usually shocked that I have a Police record.

But I love their greatest hits!

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
One night I got pulled over. The cop walked up to my window and said β€œdo you have a police record, sir?” I said:

Roxanne...

Edit-spelling

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Das_Kommandant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I said to my mate, "I can't stop buying Beatles records..

He said "You need help."

"I've got that one." I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 115
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that they just broke the Guinness Record for largest pickle?

It was a real big dill!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/static612
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I once held a world record

For the World’s Youngest Human Being.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/srocan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do movie makers record laser gun sound effects in churches?

Because they go β€œpew pew pew”.

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PleaseBeSerious
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I've recorded an album called 'Obsessed With Sex'.

It's only got one track, mind.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a clock made out of records?

Its the vinyl countdown

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Palemom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Where did Noah keep a record of his bees?

In the ark hives

πŸ‘︎ 301
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
NEW NUDE WATER SKI RECORD BROKEN!!

It was broken by a 28 year old Russian

His name is Torehis Sackov

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Manic-tech
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve?

There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
The Tells bowling adventures

Everyone knows the story about William Tell shooting an apple off his son's head but not many know that the Tell family was huge into bowling, even joined a league. Sadly, the records weren't kept safe and to this very day we have no idea for whom the Tells bowled.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/baronvb1123
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I must have 10 New Order records but I only ever seem to play one of them.

I have a serious Substance abuse problem

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/John_Badman_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg have decided to record an album together.

It’s a joint project.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the record store and bought a new album. It was awful...

I tried to get a refund. But I couldn't get my NickleBack.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jolly2284
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to get myself in the guinness world records for the oldest man alive, but it's taking me a long time
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Panda2377
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
If there is a record for how many times a person can twist their ankle

I think I might have broken it!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WKBX
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records.

Then the librarian told me to take it out.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trace826621
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
People are usually shocked that I have a police record.

But I love their Greatest hits !

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.

HeHe

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
"I'm addicted to buying old Beatles records."

"Sounds like you need help." "No, I already have that one."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.