Bankbook Puns

A friend was trying to explain to me what this is, but I'm still a bit confused. I thought it was something like what we call "overdraft protection" in the US, but it seems more like some sort of mini-loan. Does anyone happen to know more about this? What differentiates it from a normal loan?

ThrowRA because I don't want my friends and extended family to know this dumbass is me... Obligatory didn't happen today but throughout the span of the last two weeks. The post is long but hopefully my stupidity brings you some laughter and some fraud awareness.

For context, I am a Chinese citizen who's been living in the States since my early adolescent for the past 10+ years, I don't wanna say I'm a model citizen but I've definitely been law abiding and generally staying away from trouble, this is important later.

All convos were originally carried out in Chinese. Here goes...

About two weeks ago, on a warm Wed morning as I was doing my normal boring deskjob while contemplating life, I got a call from DHL telling me I mailed an illegal package from LA to Shanghai and I'm under investigation by the Shanghai border patrol.... I was extremely confused because I haven't gone to LA in a while and I certainly wouldn't mail packages to Shanghai, let alone illegal packages. I informed them as such to which they told me I have become a victim of identify theft and they will connect me to the local police in Shanghai to file a police report. They even told me what to say to the police since I've never filed a police report before. In hindsight, this was red flag #1.

They connected me to the Shanghai Police Station and I filed my police report with the officer on duty at the time, we'll call him "Z". Z was very understanding and patient and seemingly helpful and hated those identify thieves as much as I did. He even educated me on how to protect my information from identify theft in the future. He told me that he had gathered all the information and will send me the report for signature but will need to run a background check on my ID to make sure I'm in the clear. He proceeded to call another officer via the phone requesting background check and was informed I was associated with a multinational money laundering and fraud scheme and am now one of the primary suspects :O. Now, in hindsight this was red flag #2, why would the police tell a suspect they are a suspect without having the said suspect in custody first... Call me dumb, go ahead.

Okay, now remember when I said I've always been a law abiding citizen staying away from trouble? When officer Z threw out those big words "Money Laundering", "Fraud" and "Primary Suspect", I was in utter shock and confusion. Just 20 mins ago, I was complaining about my boring job and now I'm about to go to jail for somethin

I would have a daughter

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

But Bill kept the Windows

True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."

I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"

He responds, "it's dead grass."

I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"

.

.

.

He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.

And then you will all be sorry.

No it doesn't.

Now it’s syncing.

He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"

I will find you. You have my Word.

She said how do you know he was headed to work?

“thank you for your cervix.”

Made me smile

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

But now I stand corrected.

Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.

Theoretical Fizz-ics

Because you can’t ‘C’ in the dark

I said, “That makes two of us.”

DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert in this matter, all info below is what I have found out in the course of dealing with deaths in the family and research for my own financial planning. This info is not to be used in court. Info and procedure can vary by state, my experience was in Selangor. Consult your own financial advisor, legal advisor or local Islamic offices for your own situations. I welcome any corrections from anyone more well versed in these matters.

You are welcome to share this info, but please link back to this post.

This is the final part of my series on financial estate management. The previous articles (linked at the end) were mainly for muslims, but this one has info for everyone.

The purpose of this article is to know the (LONG) process of closing down the bank accounts of a deceased person, and provide info on how we can pre-plan to make the process easier for our loved ones to handle our affairs when we pass on.

If the deceased had a wasiat/will or hibah (gift upon death), the executor will handle the financial affairs, but you will need to provide as much financial info as you can from any paperwork and files. They will get the latest bank statements, pay off debts, transfer any vehicle or land/house deeds, and distribute the money. This process will take approx 6mo to a year, depending on how complicated the estate is. The executor will take a percentage as stated in the wasiat/will terms. (See previous articles for more info.)

If no wasiat or will, and for items nor covered by hibah, one person will be selected from the waris or heirs to be the administrator. Taking the example of a deceased parent. Preferably the administrator will be the deceased person's spouse or adult child. This person needs to be able to travel and be available to visit each the HOME BRANCH (branch where the account was setup - unless updated after moving) of each bank in person, several times each bank. Exceptions are ASNB can go to the nearest ASNB office (not bank agent for ASNB), and Sijil Simpanan Premium can go to any BSN. For muslims, the administrator must distribute the money by faraid/wasiat/court decree, whichever is applicable.

After collecting the death cert, the first step is to collect all the financial info. If you are lucky, the deceased will have left a detailed list of banks and accounts. If you are very lucky, you might have all the internet banking login info. You need to know the amounts in each bank / account. Wi

so I had to ground him.

He's doing better currently.

And conducting himself properly.

Me: Can we change the subject?

My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.