I just found out that my local Indian restaurant accepts cheques

So I dined there and wrote a cheque for the total.

I marked it naan negotiable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VCEMathsNerd
πŸ“…︎ May 31
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Frogs shouldn't write cheques.

They always bounce.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game. The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in checkmate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Repluse
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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Once a Bank of America Bank cheque was lying next to a Wells Fargo Bank cheque, they started talking to each other and became friends....eventually, they became so close that they became

chequemates ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RajdorUzu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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The envelope to our landlord with rent cheques
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lan_chop
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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So my mom was mailing out a $150 cheque for a wedding gift...

Mom: "This cheque is too big to fit in the envelope"
Dad: "Why don't you just make it out for $100 then?"

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πŸ“…︎ May 22 2015
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"sorry sir we can't do another tattoo. Your last cheque bounced"

"you're overdrawn"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AUMonster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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This morning my wife was at the kitchen table filling out cheques...

Me: What are you writing cheques for?

Her: Rent, loan, the usual. Why?

Me: Just checking...

<stunned silence>

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DV8_2XL
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2016
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My mum said 'See if the cheque is in the post'...

And my dad said 'if it's not, we'll get a Slovak instead'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sc4ryN1ghtM4re
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2015
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A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
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When you finish eating at an Australian restaurant
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
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[grocery store] Ok, milk...check, eggs...check, tomatoes...check.

β€œSir, please stop writing separate checks for every single item.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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When you're in Australia and you finish eating at a restaurant....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-gem-524
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
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As a server, one of my tables asked me for the check by simply saying "bill"

I responded by saying "No, it's Jeff". Now they always ask for the Jeff when they're done.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisismeredditing
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2014
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I used to be a banker!

But I lost interest!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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An Australian chess player went into a restaurant and ordered food. After having his food , the waiter asked him "Cash or Credit , Sir?"

He said "Cheque , mate"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PanPitza
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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[meta] Welcome to our new moderators!

I don’t know if I missed a post announcing them or something, but I noticed the new mods were chosen for this sub and added! I would like to say welcome from all of us at r/dadjokes to u/ phreephorm u/anarousedcatfish u/cutek9 u/yayoletsgo u/suitinguncle620 and u/blank-cheque Welcome to the team and we look forward to having y’all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mopfloor1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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I got to have lunch with the world chess champion!

It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/psiursus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2017
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How do Australian chess pieces pay for large purchases?

They use a check, mate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnitaRide
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
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What bounces and makes kids cry?

My cheque to children in need

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bumsieboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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How do dinosaurs pay for their bills?

Tyrannosaurus Cheques.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bradderz958
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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When the former Chelsea goalkeeper wasn't sure of the prize money he received, what did he do?

Cech checked his Czech cheque

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πŸ‘€︎ u/not_a_theorist
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2016
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A Good Year...

So im paying my annual insurance premium for my car and wanted a second opinion on what I'm doing so I don't screw it up.

Me: So I just send them a cheque with the total? I think it's 1942

Dad: hmm that was a good year, well not for the Japs but hey...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorNoHelp
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2017
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You'll need to check the front desk for that.

My Dad and I were at a store and he wanted to see if an old credit card he had still worked.

Dad: "Can you see if this card still works after the purchase?"

Cashier: "You'll need to check the front desk for that."

Without missing a goddamn beat, he pulled a check/cheque out of his wallet and placed it on the counter.

He checked the desk.

The cashier facepalmed. I facepalmed. He cracked up. I walked away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaiyanKirby
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2015
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