chequemates ;)
Mom: "This cheque is too big to fit in the envelope"
Dad: "Why don't you just make it out for $100 then?"
"you're overdrawn"
Me: What are you writing cheques for?
Her: Rent, loan, the usual. Why?
Me: Just checking...
<stunned silence>
And my dad said 'if it's not, we'll get a Slovak instead'.
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
“Sir, please stop writing separate checks for every single item.”
He said "Cheque , mate"
I responded by saying "No, it's Jeff". Now they always ask for the Jeff when they're done.
I don’t know if I missed a post announcing them or something, but I noticed the new mods were chosen for this sub and added! I would like to say welcome from all of us at r/dadjokes to u/ phreephorm u/anarousedcatfish u/cutek9 u/yayoletsgo u/suitinguncle620 and u/blank-cheque Welcome to the team and we look forward to having y’all.
It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt though.
They use a check, mate
My cheque to children in need
Tyrannosaurus Cheques.
Cech checked his Czech cheque
So im paying my annual insurance premium for my car and wanted a second opinion on what I'm doing so I don't screw it up.
Me: So I just send them a cheque with the total? I think it's 1942
Dad: hmm that was a good year, well not for the Japs but hey...
My Dad and I were at a store and he wanted to see if an old credit card he had still worked.
Dad: "Can you see if this card still works after the purchase?"
Cashier: "You'll need to check the front desk for that."
Without missing a goddamn beat, he pulled a check/cheque out of his wallet and placed it on the counter.
He checked the desk.
The cashier facepalmed. I facepalmed. He cracked up. I walked away.
