People say I’m like a broken record...
People say I’m like a broken record...
He only lives a stone's throw away
Close, but no Seger.
Because the government declared a rock down.
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.
Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.
They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.
After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.
So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.
Expunge Bob
It was his vinyl request.
Your truck comes back, your wife comes back, your dog comes back, your trailer isn’t flooded...
She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:
Icy, what you did there.
In his stu-stu-studio
..but I've already got that one.
He thinks I'm a riceist for saying that.
There were repercussions.
HeHe
Now we have brovid-19
It was his vinyl resting place
Him: "Reasons that doing research underwater can be difficult include..."
Me (from my office): "the paper will get too wet!"
Him: "UGH!" stops and restarts recording
Now I’ll never hear the end of it.
That's a movie.
But I love their greatest hits!
It has been 43 years and I still cannot solve it.
Roxanne...
Edit-spelling
He said "You need help."
"I've got that one." I replied.
It was a real big dill!
For the World’s Youngest Human Being.
Because they go “pew pew pew”.
Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.
"How'd you do?" she asks him.
"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"
"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11".
It's only got one track, mind.
Its the vinyl countdown
In the ark hives
It was broken by a 28 year old Russian
His name is Torehis Sackov
There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...
It’s a joint project.
I have a serious Substance abuse problem
Everyone knows the story about William Tell shooting an apple off his son's head but not many know that the Tell family was huge into bowling, even joined a league. Sadly, the records weren't kept safe and to this very day we have no idea for whom the Tells bowled.
I tried to get a refund. But I couldn't get my NickleBack.
But I love their Greatest hits !
HeHe
"Sounds like you need help." "No, I already have that one."
