Son: Daddy, where is Thomas? Daddy: I don’t know, mate. Son: He must be working from home today.
Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.
A guy walks into a zoo. There’s only one animal. It’s a Shih Tzu.
My dad looked at me and said “I think your player went to Boarding School.”
I said “no mom! Where there’s a wheel, there’s a way!”
Our daughter is four months old.
The other day while my wife and I are laying in bed and she's trying to sleep while I am still redditing:
Her: can you dim your phone? It's bright Me: well, it is a smart phone, after all
I giggled, she sighed. I'm so proud
It's not a front
"Lettuce eat lettuce"
"Oui oui, c'est Le JIT."
At the local Aquarium with my wife and 6month old, walked into the Land a Sea carnivorous mammals (Mostly Otters) exhibit.
Wife: I only see one otter.
Dad(Me): I see anOtter one...
I was puttering around the kitchen legit just now when my dad came in and said: "Hey, son; I got you a new--well, a used iPad."
I turn, really surprised, until he hands me a rather dusty and faded blue eye cover for sleeping.
"It's a used eye pad," he said, eyes full of that "I found a really bad dad joke" delight.
.....
.....Bless my dad's soul.
He seams legit.
He was dead lifting.
Edit: Wow! Went to bed, went to work, checked this post, and holy hell did it blow up! Thanks for the awards, funny add-one and dad jokes! This sub is awesome!
The “No” factory! (legit)
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Or would that be a faux pa?
Limestone! This was made up in the car by my 8 year old son as we were driving home from our Fathers Day outing. Promised I'd share it.
I was in the mall with my family. A guy is in the mall with a pair of jumper cables (Legit jumper cables in the mall and I don’t know why) he got on the escalator ahead of me. I tapped him on the shoulder and told him, “Hey, don’t try to start anything in here”
I said, “I’m taking Advil before Aleeve”
But apparently they have yamstrings.
Got such a fright when the lifeguard blew his whistle that I nearly fell in..
they can sell body parts for money.
Her: looks at me, perplexed Me: They just said it’s the sixty second Grammy awards... Her: Get out
Me: Gramps, it says Butternut Snap Cookie
I said, "No, I'll have to go to the kitchen."
Because he Neverlands.
The police tell me that I'm their iWitness.
Ran into my dad when I was out and about with a friend. We sat down for a drink and conversation somehow turned to our respective work places. My friend says "I work at Google and there...". My dad interrupts him and legit goes "Really?! You work at Google? I Google at work!" with this stupid grin on his face.
I could hear loudly my friend's silent groan :)
It was grounds for divorce.
Because they’re extinct
The HARE Force!
A legit reason to stay away from the son.
Hi, I'm the president of a high school club called future investors and I need a few puns to accompany an advertisement on facebook/instagram.
Here it is: "Invest your time into something meaningful.. like FUTURE INVESTORS! I promise that you won't be a-loan, as you'll form a lot of bonds (and hopefully have a high ROI) by joining! Don't be a laughing stock and come to our first meeting on 9/19"
But turns out we cantaloupe
Had to knock some cents into it
Pioneer... Sony... Panasonic, etc
My kids were discussing allergies at the dinner table. I told them I'm allergic to prison... because it always causes me to break out.
Usually my dad jokes are met with awkward silence. This one however got a few legit chuckles. 😁
