What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed?
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︎ Nov 11 2020
What time is it when you see a cow laying in a field?
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︎ Nov 09 2020
I posted this on r/memes a while ago and it didn't blow up or somthing. I am just so proud of this it makes me laugh every time
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︎ Nov 02 2020
I guess it's time to answer the call of Nature..π©
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︎ Nov 19 2020
It took me a long time to recover from my broken neck
but afterwards, I never looked back.
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︎ Nov 18 2020
The Guillotine was supposed to be ahead of its time
It had cutting edge technology
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︎ Nov 15 2020
When does a adult know itβs time to stop parting and drinking?
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︎ Nov 03 2020
Yoda didnβt know what time it was. He explained...
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︎ Nov 20 2020
How did Hitler know it was time to commit sucide.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
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︎ Jun 24 2020
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
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︎ Nov 13 2020
With the global warming raising the sea level, it is only a question of time for England to become Engsea.
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︎ Oct 23 2020
What happens to an egg every time you look at it?
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︎ May 12 2020
What do you call it when two Egyptians fart at the same time?
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︎ Nov 13 2020
Why did Chewbacca crash the Millennium Falcon the first time he flew it
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︎ Oct 07 2020
My Dad(64) always shows up to every event 10 minutes after it's started. We bought him a watch, told him the start time was earlier than it was, we've tried everything, but nothing works...
We just have to accept that he's a Late Boomer.
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︎ Nov 01 2020
It works 83% of the time
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︎ Sep 18 2020
Itβs weird- I canβt help but talk about footwear every time I sneeze.
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︎ Sep 30 2020
When you make it to the bathroom just in time
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︎ Oct 06 2020
There was a time before electricity believe it or not.
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︎ Sep 12 2020
What time of the year is it usually fly or die for baby birds?
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︎ Sep 08 2020
My first time doing puns in real life. Ik it's horrible
So today, I had a conversation with my friend while walking home from school. At one point my lace untied and he pointed that out to me while we were walking past a 7eleven. I am horrible at making puns so forgive me. I shall call him J
J: You u should tie up your shoes
Me(pointing to the lays packet in the store): I can't be bothered tying my shoe-lays
J: You should stop spread them all around the "play-se" (place)
Me: Well maybe you should stop lay-zing around and actually study(he couldn't reply to that cuz all he does is lay-ing around aimlessly. Haha! See what I did there!)
Conversation deviates
Me: come follow me to Cheers let's look for a giftcard
J: nah
Me: get your lay-z ass over to cheers u ungrateful bitch! u make my life lays miserables
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︎ Aug 18 2020
For a temp job I had to conduct surveys on the street and often times people would reluctantly comply disclaiming to "Keep it short please!"
So my question was: What do you know about dwarves?
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︎ Sep 27 2020
Every time a car slows down, it always get offended
People keep shouting"Look! This guy has got some retardation!"
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︎ Sep 02 2020
The first time I used an elevator, it was kinda uplifting
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︎ Aug 28 2020
What do you call it when a teacher watches his class as they take a test and plays online poker at the same time?
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︎ Oct 08 2020
You know, it seems like every time I kill a gnat, another one appears.
So, I guess you could say they're appearing at the drop of a gnat.
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︎ Sep 23 2020
What time is it when a cow sits on your fence?
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︎ Aug 10 2020
In these dark times, itβs important we all continue to make puns.
You know, to make light of the situation the worlds in right now.
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︎ Aug 31 2020
Every time I finish my jog, I like to eat a protein bar. Lately, though, I'm having trouble swallowing it
I hope it doesn't become a running gag
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︎ Sep 21 2020
One time in my anatomy class, we dissected a sheep brain and I have to admit, I felt a bit sheepish about it.
Sorry, that was just a ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-d joke.
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︎ Sep 15 2020
The LEGO shop reopens tomorrow but I recommend avoiding it for the time being,
People will be lined up for blocks.
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︎ May 31 2020
It's time to H Γ Γ ΔΆ
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︎ Aug 21 2020
A family was out hunting and the mother said it was time to go. The father replied, Iβll be right there, let me just...
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︎ Sep 23 2020
It was my first time to see Rihanna
It happened on a rainy day so one thing led to another and she ended up under my umbrella
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︎ Sep 22 2020
Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
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︎ May 02 2020
If you are visiting Rome, be forewarned: it might take you a long time to get out of the city.
All their roads seem to have this weird design flaw.
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︎ Sep 08 2020
My co-worker Nicholas is rarely late for work meetings, but it often shows up within 2 minutes of the meeting start time
I guess he likes to show up in the nick of time.
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︎ Sep 07 2020
How did the Norse god know when it was time to stop lifting weights?
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︎ Aug 07 2020
Next time you see a packet of salt at a restaurant, throw it at your friend.
Then say, βThatβs a salt!β
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︎ Sep 02 2020
My son hates art so much that his body releases gas every time we talk about it
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︎ Aug 25 2020
My dad made another dad joke but this time it was die hard 5 instead of die hard 4.
You may have seen my other post a couple weeks back about die hard 4 and it got really popular and now my dad has made another joke and I want to prove to him that this was a bad one.
When the Russian guy was pushed off the building by mcclaines son and sliced by the helicopter, my dad said, βhe got choppered.β Am I wrong or was this one a bad one?
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︎ Jul 31 2020
What do you call it when two ancient Egyptians fart at the same time?
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︎ Aug 10 2020
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
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︎ Feb 18 2020
The first time i used an elevator it was an uplifting experience
But the second time it let me down
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︎ Jul 27 2020
What happens to an egg every time you look at it?
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︎ Aug 19 2020
Chewbacca crashed the Millenium Falcon the first time he flew it.
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︎ May 30 2020
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