I think of this whenever I hear the term IV drip
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MOO0505
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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My daughter recently had surgery and they couldn’t get the IV in but...

They just kept trying in vein!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyRamenMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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Why are ER patients so salty about getting an IV?

Because all they get is normal saline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChomperfromtheLBT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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I, IV I

Really enjoy Roman numerals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumb-reply
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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IV always liked the Roman numeral four.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5parky
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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Wife was in the hospital and the nurse said she was calling the doctor to put in an IV

When he showed up, I said to him "I thought there'd be four of you". Got an eye roll and a kick for that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coachlasso
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2016
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What have the Romans ever done IV us?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeybthehuman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2017
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Dad when doctors are putting in an IV

(I have a fear of needles) So when I was at the hospital for a surgery, and they were trying to get the IV in the top of my wrist, I was squirming and freaking out.

Dad: At least he won't be a heroin addict!

Nurse: -___-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trunks09
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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My daughter’s creation: Who is the fourth most dangerous supervillain?

Poison IV.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GovernorZipper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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The ancient Romans made a lot of deadly poisons. The fourth one they created, however, just made people itchy.

They called it poison IV

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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What have the romans ever done for us!

Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as β€œfours”?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFishmanau
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Don’t trust atoms

They make up everything

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hunter_Jaeger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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A man goes to the doctor

Man:"doctor iv'e been suffering from pains lately" Doctor:"what did you think you were going to, enjoy them?"

One of the oldest jokes my dad told me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowT12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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How many Ivy Schools are there in Rome?

IV.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourLegsAreHere
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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When giving blood, always be honest....

My Dad and I went to donate for the Red Cross. They gave us the paperwork to fill out, and were getting ready to start collecting the blood.

The nurse asked a few of the last minute, "Must repeat this:" questions, and asked my Dad, "Have you ever paid anyone for sex."

Dad replied, "What do you think marriage is?"

The nurse laughed so hard, she had to get someone else put the IV in his arm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deadlandsMarshal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2013
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Not necessarily a dad joke, but a good retiree joke/brief story just using that wit.

A Retiree's Last Trip to Sam's Club

Yesterday I was at Sam's Club, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen , the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two handfuls every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care,because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thefluffydinosaur
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2013
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PUN REQUEST- Lewis

I need to make a banner, and its needs to have a clever use of 'Lewis.'

EX: Star Wars Episode IV: A Lew Hope

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πŸ‘€︎ u/luisp1ata
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2016
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As I was taking care of a patient today...

...and I was attempting to start an IV on him, I begin explaining what I'm about to do. Now, he's a Dentist, so he's been through all this before. So, as I finish my usual explanation, I slip in, "But you already know the drill."

Cue his laughter, and a groan from his wife.

Not a Dad, but I think I'd be good at it...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iSpccn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2015
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I should really be a dad for this one...

So a few of us guys and some gals are working at a site for a university show. A couple of the girls wanted to learn how to use power tools, so we taught them. After a few minutes, one of the girls says:

girl: wow this really is a lot of work just for a hole...

to which I reply: THAT'S WHAT IV'E BEEN SAYING!!

everyone laughed, but I sincerely felt bad for that one... thought you guys might get a kick outta it too!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pigi8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2014
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Got my wife in labor

As my wife in labor is walking down the hallway of the hospital and I'm rolling her IV on my right, I looked right and said to her,

"Maybe its just me, but I feel like there is something between us."

I got the glare and silent treatment...until the water broke 10 steps later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxMulderThe2nd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
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My grandfather really annoyed my mom after I was born with this one

My great grandfather, grandfather, and dad all have the same name. So of course my dad carried on the family tradition naming me candyman337 IV.

When they told my grandfather he said "Now we've got the terd and the fart" pointing to my dad and then to me.

My mother was not pleased, but my dad was cracking up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/candyman337
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
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Classic dadjoke at the ER

Last night at around midnight, I took my friend/roommate/exboyfriend to the ER when he came literally crawling to my room incoherent and sweating and shaking because of head pain.

When we got there I called his parents to let them know what was going on. They rushed over and met us in his room where the doctor was giving him some neurological tests. The ER doc decided it was most likely a migraine or cluster headache and gave my friend pain medicine and an IV, but wanted to do a CAT scan just to rule out any bleeding.

So they took him off to get the scan, and his parents and I sat around talking. His dad was practically falling asleep in his chair as I had woken them up with my call, but he still managed to drop this one when they wheeled my friend back into the room:

He gave the nurse pushing my friend's cart a worried look. "Don't sugar coat it, did you find any cats in there?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whatthefox1818
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2014
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Always time for a Dad Joke

Just a few weeks ago I was on a camping trip with my friends and we were staying in a friends cabin out on their private property. During the day when there wasn't much to do it was fun to get on a few ATV's we had and drive around. Through no fault of my own, I incidentally couldn't make a turn and crashed through a barb wire fence and sliced open my Neck, during the time I was being prepared for a helicopter ride to a Hospital rather far away I poked up from the stretcher while my friends watched and stated: "With all this Adrenaline and this IV, I guess you could say I'm feeling pretty 'wired'. " It was the proudest moment of my trip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JKtoday
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2015
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Dad makes Dad joke while mom is in hospital.

My mom was admitted to the hospital today for bilateral pneumonia. Thankfully they said just for a night so they could get some IV antibiotics in her system. Dad texted me a picture of her lunch (she has PKU so no protein allowed) http://i.imgur.com/xzcTSkT.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hjonsey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2016
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Got my nurse going into surgery today

She put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left (I had been texting from my right until that part).

She said, "Wow! How can you do that?"

I responded, "Because I'm ambi-textrous!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaykid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2014
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Roman numerals. What are they good IV?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kubrick_Fan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2015
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In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison.

Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnakehoundXE
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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In Ancient Rome, there were four types of poisons. Poisons I, II, and III would kill you instantly.

Poison IV would just make you kinda itchy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_iguano_man
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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In ancient Rome there were four different types of poison...

Poisons I, II, and III were deadly...

Poison IV just made you itchy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hicks4183
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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