My wife tested my knowledge of common household herbs, and I’m happy to say I got 4 out of 5 right.

I was parsley correct.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
TIL that Jackie Onassis Kennedy has a famous sister. She is practically a household name.

May Onassis, she married into the Helmanns family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pnaeacks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the worst household item?

The vacuum cleaner, because it sucks!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/homovalleygirl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
An independent study showed that the average household in America uses 3.14 pumpkins between Halloween and thanksgiving

No wonder they call it pumpkin pi!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alastrel3000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to put an end to color-based segregation in my household...

...however my wife disagrees, and is no longer letting me use the washing machine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eagle4523
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Which household item really loves motorcycles?

The broom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IrshamWindborn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What household appliance is most likely to blackmail you?

Your vaccuum- it's been gathering dirt on you for years.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mallorn_hugger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How long does it take to get through a Jewish household?

About thirty years, l'door v'door.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scolfin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
As a mythologist and head of household,

My word is lore.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuDGe3690
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I dated a household product exterminator once and didn't know it...

I guess my first tipoff should have came with all the Raids. But it really came to light with all the Black Flags.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know some household pets can figure out why their owners are sick?

Dogs can't, but catscan

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iowastina
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The watermelon is admitted without question into many households although...

it is always very seedy.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Babies gotta support the household too!!
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CannyVenial
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
🚨︎ report
It may seem weird, but I have a strong bond to household furniture.

I aDOOR it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPlay3r13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to have a bird that would tell me he was going to break the cage and take over the household...

It was a coup-coup bird.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me if I thought every household should have a gun for safety..

I couldn't give an answer right away bc it was a loaded question

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maxbrickem
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that having a household cat increases your chances of being killed by a cat?

I was petrified.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpectrumPrime
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL: In the 1930s, the Italians developed an engine fuel technology that used household spices.

It’s true. Mussolini made the trains run on thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a reptile that ruins household appliances?

A crack-a-dial.

EDIT: The real joke is how much time and effort was spent thinking this joke up

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tasty_Anthrax
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2017
🚨︎ report
What household item can you make from ferns?

Fern-iture.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buglepost
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Discussing the fallic household with my mother and father.

My mother has given birth to 5 boys, no girls, of which I am the oldest. Sitting at dinner after two of my younger brothers duked out, my mother begins...

"There are too many penises in this house!"

Dad replied, "Oh, you're just jealous."

"No, I'm not. I much prefer my boobs."

"Sounds like you're in denial."

I chimed in, "Don't you mean penile?"

I was rewarded with a hearty chuckle from my father and a roll of the eyes from my mother. The signs of a good days work.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotYourLocalCop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad called me in and told me: "Now we know that Phil really is the head of the household." (Crosspost from /r/DuckDynasty) imgur.com/fF9nmLh
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hamdrew729
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
🚨︎ report

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