My wife tested my knowledge of common household herbs, and I’m happy to say I got 4 out of 5 right.

I was parsley correct.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HisMajestyTheEmperor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2021
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TIL that Jackie Onassis Kennedy has a famous sister. She is practically a household name.

May Onassis, she married into the Helmanns family.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pnaeacks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 11 2020
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What's the worst household item?

The vacuum cleaner, because it sucks!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/homovalleygirl
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2020
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An independent study showed that the average household in America uses 3.14 pumpkins between Halloween and thanksgiving

No wonder they call it pumpkin pi!!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Alastrel3000
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2020
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I’ve decided to put an end to color-based segregation in my household...

...however my wife disagrees, and is no longer letting me use the washing machine.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Eagle4523
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 23 2020
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Which household item really loves motorcycles?

The broom.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IrshamWindborn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 27 2020
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What household appliance is most likely to blackmail you?

Your vaccuum- it's been gathering dirt on you for years.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mallorn_hugger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2019
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How long does it take to get through a Jewish household?

About thirty years, l'door v'door.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/scolfin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2019
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As a mythologist and head of household,

My word is lore.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JuDGe3690
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2019
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I dated a household product exterminator once and didn't know it...

I guess my first tipoff should have came with all the Raids. But it really came to light with all the Black Flags.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25 2019
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Did you know some household pets can figure out why their owners are sick?

Dogs can't, but catscan

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iowastina
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 08 2019
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The watermelon is admitted without question into many households although...

it is always very seedy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 30 2019
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Babies gotta support the household too!!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CannyVenial
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2018
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It may seem weird, but I have a strong bond to household furniture.

I aDOOR it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MrPlay3r13
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2019
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I used to have a bird that would tell me he was going to break the cage and take over the household...

It was a coup-coup bird.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2019
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My friend asked me if I thought every household should have a gun for safety..

I couldn't give an answer right away bc it was a loaded question

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/maxbrickem
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2019
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Did you know that having a household cat increases your chances of being killed by a cat?

I was petrified.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SpectrumPrime
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2019
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TIL: In the 1930s, the Italians developed an engine fuel technology that used household spices.

It’s true. Mussolini made the trains run on thyme.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2018
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What do you call a reptile that ruins household appliances?

A crack-a-dial.

EDIT: The real joke is how much time and effort was spent thinking this joke up

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tasty_Anthrax
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2017
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What household item can you make from ferns?

Fern-iture.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Buglepost
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Discussing the fallic household with my mother and father.

My mother has given birth to 5 boys, no girls, of which I am the oldest. Sitting at dinner after two of my younger brothers duked out, my mother begins...

"There are too many penises in this house!"

Dad replied, "Oh, you're just jealous."

"No, I'm not. I much prefer my boobs."

"Sounds like you're in denial."

I chimed in, "Don't you mean penile?"

I was rewarded with a hearty chuckle from my father and a roll of the eyes from my mother. The signs of a good days work.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NotYourLocalCop
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2014
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My dad called me in and told me: "Now we know that Phil really is the head of the household." (Crosspost from /r/DuckDynasty) imgur.com/fF9nmLh
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hamdrew729
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2013
🚨︎ report

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