I said, if you drive you are a driver, if you hop then you are a hopper, so if you cook you are a cooker.
my son to his mother: Dad and I are hookers!!
She laughed, "hee haw!" The farmer said, "she can't understand ya... she's a donkey!"
MASHING!
And while I was waiting, I was standing on the front lawn beside the car absent-mindedly swinging a golf club (to test my sore shoulder). Daughter starts freaking out because she thinks I'm not coming. My wife tells her not to worry, Daddy's driving. And I told her "actually, it's a wedge."
At a second hand shop.
Single-handedly.
Now it's a rocking chair.
The questions is, will Neil Patrick Harris on the back?
It didn’t Pan out.
This is AUXhilarating
At the second hand store
“You ain’t seeing half of the insurance money”
...going twice.
Give me your best golf/pirate puns. All I can think of is High Tees (high seas) or something about a hook.
It must have been very time consuming!
He got it from a second-hand store
I'm having a hard time grappling with this.
It's the thot that counts
The second hand shop
A sunken chest with no booty.
Because he can neverland.
He had a vicious right hook.
One taste and they're hooked.
He lost all his first hand experience.
I know this story may sound a little fishy, some of you may even consider it a whale of a tale, but if you take it in tide I’m sure you’ll sea the porpoise isn’t me just beingkoi or * squidding* around or fishing for attention; it was shrimply an act of cod that I’m hooked on sharing with others. If it reely makes anyone crabby or puts me on thin ice, just let minnow and I’ll gladly clam up. I’d hate to see this sub flounder or take a dive because of my own shellfish ambitions.
Guess it didn’t Pan out
They weren't big fans of arrrbitration.
It's a reel problem.
I guess that’s debaitable.
Just act like you belong
But I couldn’t connect the Dots
Boxer says "I'm exercising my rights"
Do human cannonballs get fired?
Do pirates get told to sling their hook's?
Do prostitutes get laid off?
Do trapeze artists get let go?
Netflix & chilldren
But those are just my shower thots
...they can hook up with some body.
Now I’m a pirate of the carabiners
He uses an alarm croc!
Then discovered I couldn't live on my net income
But it's really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.
Because his punches Neverland.
My boy, Arthur, is slow. He is the slowest child I’ve ever met. And I don’t mean mentally, he just doesn’t move quickly at all no matter what the urgency.
He takes an hour to get out of bed and stand up in the morning. He takes an hour to eat. When we go anywhere we have to tell him 20 minutes in advance because he takes that long to get his shoes on. His showers…we had to install an industrial sized water heater and hook it up to his shower exclusively because he would drain the tank and shower in ice cold water and started getting sick from it.
The worst part is that even if you help him out he doesn’t go faster. We can feed him and he’ll just swallow slower. We can wash him and he’ll just sit there for longer.
I’ve learned to live with it and be content because I know he won’t change. But my wife can’t take it. Just the other day she told me she was going to punish him to make him go quicker:
“I’ve had it with him! I’m going to start giving him timeouts and taking away toys for going so slow!”
“Honey,” I said, “it’ll never work.”
“Why not?!”
“Because you can’t rush Art.”
He wanted to go nuclear fission!
Brew...tality!
The right hook.
Apparently some people don't like dead pan humor
It's something I can hang my hat on
...and call it iSlam.
once you lose your first hand, you're hooked!
A pirate walks into bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye. The pirate orders a beer, and while he's pouring it the bartender asks "So what's the story with the leg?" "Well it were many a year ago," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard, and a shark swum up and bit me leg clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a peg leg that very night." "That's terrible," says the bartender. "What about the hand?" "Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard again, and a whale came up and bit me hand clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a hook that very night." "Wow," says the bartender. "So what about the eye?" "Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship, and I were lookin out fer rogue waves, and a seagull flew over and shit right in me eye!" "Oh man," says the bartender. "And that blinded you?" "Well no," says the pirate. "But it were me first day with the hook."
But there was just no attraction
Whale oil beef hooked.......
Something catchy!
Just working on the hook.
She gave me an STI.
It's hobbit forming!
Over a decade since the Return of the King was released and dad is as topical as ever.
At the second hand store
The second hand store
A second hand store.
At a second hand store.
From the second hand store.
From the second hand store
that’s why he bought his hook from a second hand store.
From a second hand store
At a second-hand store
The second hand shop
The second hand store
At a second hand store.
A second-hand store
The second hand store
He bought it second hand
...going twice…
The Second Hand Shop
A second hand store.
The second hand store!
