I’m not the world’s biggest hockey fan
I only watch it periodically.
Relationships between hockey 🏒 players and figure skaters are always doomed to failure.
No one is willing to break the ice.
Did you hear about the benefit hockey game for leprosy?
There was a face off in the corner.
What do you call a hockey player that raps?
My teammates hate that I don’t pass when I play hockey.
I honestly don’t give a puck.
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
A hockey player collided with another player on the ice and knocked out a few of his teeth.
However it was acci-dental.
What's the zamboni doing at the hockey rink right before a match?
You and your wife are playing hockey and she shoots
Since hockey has been canceled, nobody has seen the Zamboni driver
But I’m sure he’ll resurface eventually.
A chicken was put into the penalty box during a hockey game.
Apparently he was suspected of fowl play.
What was hockey called before it became popular in Canada?
Did you hear about the basketball player who tried to shoot hoops on a hockey rink?
Tonight I took my son to hockey practice and realized my wife forgot to pack his jersey from the dryer.
She told me she had everything, and I was in a rush. So it got left behind. Figured it out right away as we were getting him changed and messaged my wife. She said she would bring it right away. I told my son "You mom is going to run your jersey over"
Without skipping a beat, he replied "Well that won't work, practice will probably be over. I wish she would just drive it over"
Then he gave me a huge grin. I told him he won the dad joke of the day and he continued smiling all the way until bedtime.
Why is it always so cool at a hockey rink?
Recently found out that Stan Lee was an exceptional hockey player.
At his very first practice, he already had the Stanley Cup..
Why do hockey players wear so many pads?
Because they have 3 periods a game.
Where do hockey coaches do their paperwork?
The toothbrush was invented by a retired hockey player
Otherwise it would be called a teethbrush wouldn't it?
Hopefully I'm not Fin'ed for this (from r/hockey)
I always wanted to name my kid Thustorm, and teach him to play hockey well enough to get him scouted by Boston...
...then I could say "Thustorm's a Bruin."
Pun Request: Facilities Department needs a team name for an office wide Bubble Hockey Team
Any ideas on bringing Office Management and Hockey Terms together for a good team name?
After numerous icings in a hockey game, a player was sent to the penalty box.
He needed time to thaw out.
( X-post) Someone once asked me to make a joke about Detroit's hockey team.
I said I wasn't prepared and I would have to wing it.
Why doesnt Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
I'll bet the van is full of hockey sticks and Moosehead
My dad was watching hockey was yelling at the tv because the ref didn't call a penalty for high sticking
I told him to chill and he said "I AM CHILL" so I yelled back "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DAD".. That's right.. I dad joked my dad
Do you know why girls hate hockey?
Because they have to change their pads after every period
(Another joke courtesy of my father, he’s 2 for 2 tonight)
Let’s make like a hockey team
And get the puck out of here
I want to form a hockey team with a bunch of old men named Gerald...
and call it the "GerryHatTricks."
I was watching a boxing match last night and a hockey broke out.
A question about hockey jerseys
Does the NHL team Devils always play their home games in new jerseys?
I asked a real estate agent how much it would cost to buy a hockey stadium.
But she said she could only give me a ballpark estimate.
What do you call a hockey team full of old people?
The Anaheim hockey team should have a giveaway night where they pass out pucks with their logo on them.
Did you hear about the incontinent hockey player and his new hairpiece?
He piddled and parted and pucked around.
What is yellow and plays hockey?
I was watching the hockey game last night...
... and I gotta say that last play was the icing on the cake
My Catholic school teachers were like hockey goalies.
They were always trying to stop people from scoring.
There was a dad behind me at a hockey game last night.
The opening period was almost over, the crowd was quiet as there wasn't much action going on and suddenly I hear a lone dad behind me ask loudly to the crowd, 'How many minutes are remaining in the period?' In perfect timing the arena announcer then exclaims over the loudspeaker, 'There is one minute remaining in the period. One minute.' I smirked and the dad was the only one who laughed.
My dad at the Hockey Hall of Fame.
Me: I want to try on the Team Russia jersey...
Dad: Go ahead!
Me: Help me bring them down so I can try the different sizes.
Dad: Why can't you do it yourself?
Me: Just help me so I can check!!
Dad: You said you wanted Russian not Czech.
Since hockey has been cancelled, no one has seen the Zamboni driver...
But I’m sure he’ll resurface eventually.
(X-post) Someone once asked me to make a joke about Detroit's hockey team.
I said I wasn't prepared and I would have to wing it.
Did you hear about the Leper hockey team?
They had a face off in the corner.
Why did they stop the leper hockey game?
There was a face off in the corner
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