Just spent $300 on hiring a limousine and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver.

Can't believe I've spent all that money and have nothing to chauffer it.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the summer camp for aspiring models? They’re hiring counselors for next year, but it’s not for everyone.

The camp goers are pretty intense.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xilshin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store.

The poster reads:

"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."

The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room.

30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.

"Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?" he asks himself.

20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running website for the store.

He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well... you're a dog."

The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer." on the poster, and the manager sighs.

"There's no way you're bilingual."

The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."

πŸ‘︎ 150
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/juicy-tomato
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A church was hiring a new bell ringer

And they interviewed an applicant named Stan. Stan had no arms due to an accident so the hiring manager asked how he would ever be able to do the job.

"I'll show you",said Stan.

They walked up flight after flight of stairs to the Bell tower all the while the manager wondered how Stan would ever be able to do the job. His questions were soon answered when after reaching the Bell tower, Stan took off running striking the bell face first. Gooong goes the bell. Stan picks himself up, takes off running face first at the bell, Gooong.

"Hold, on. You'll hurt yourself."

"I'm tough," said Stan, " "and I really needed this job"

"Ok," said the manager, leaving Stan to do the job.

All day the bell rang on the hour correctly and the manager thought too soon that he had misjudged Stan. Finally, at six in the evening there were only three gongs, then a commotion. Going out to see what was going on he found Stan dead on the street below. Apparently he had become disoriented from head trauma and missed the bell entirely falling to the street below.

"Who was this man, Who was he?" asked the crowd.

Not wanting to admit liability for the accident, the manager said "I don't know."

"But his face sure rings a bell"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a_pos-tmodern_man
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Anne has the habit of hiring & firing people...

I hate to see someone Anne employed.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you look for when hiring a waiter?

Someone who can bring a lot to the table.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dgadirector
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Now Hiring
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/raraymon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been searching for a job, hoping maybe there'll be a bakery hiring

I'll knead a little bit of dough to get by.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elishaahh
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Hiring a clown is more expensive than ever.

Balloon prices are adjusted for inflation.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
The animal care industry is very careful in hiring employees.

They vet all of their doctors.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried hiring a prostitute last night

It kind of blows.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/olivewitharhyme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw a sign today that said "hiring airport drivers"

Which I think is a weird way to say pilot.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chumbawamba56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
🚨︎ report
OMG! Did you hear that the T-Rex Cafe is hiring?!

Apparently they're short handed.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paintedforfilth
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
🚨︎ report
The dynamite factory in my town is hiring new workers

I guess business is booming

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoMoreDays
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My favourite joke: Now Hiring

A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store. The poster reads:

"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."

The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room.

30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.

"Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?" he asks himself.

20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running "Hello, world" program.

He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well... you're a dog."

The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer." on the poster, and the manager sighs.

"There's no way you're bilingual."

The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LordMeme42
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
The animal care industry is very careful in hiring employees.

They vet all of their doctors.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a sign today that said "hiring airport drivers"

Which, I think is a weird way to say pilot.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chumbawamba56
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.