Why do managers never go bowling with their employees?
Because they are afraid of them striking
Did you hear that McDonalds gave all their employees large laptops for Christmas?
Why do claustrophobic people make good employees?
They're good at thinking outside the box.
I conducted a study for Steve Jobs regarding the lack of evolution in his employees.
Those are Apple Bottom Genes.
Why can't Apple employees wear dress shirts?
Everyone at Apple hates buttons and holes, that's why they get rid of both on their new products...
Wouldn't be surprised to learn Elon Musk to leads a mercenary team of tesla employees who bite victims to spread coronavirus
They are called the Flu Flux Fang!
What do Microsoft employees put in their sandwiches?
Rick Astley rents the movie Up from the rental store, 3 weeks later he gets a call from the rental store employees saying that his rental is 3 weeks overdue, what does Rick Astley say?
My wife and I went down to the seafood market, but I didn't trust the employees there.
They seemed a little fishy.
Breaking news! Wineries across the country are forced to temporarily layoff employees.
It's being called the great Merlot furlough.
How much was Texas Instruments fined when they were caught offering free breast augmentation procedures to employees?
While I was buying some candy the other day, I told the employees a joke.
The sign in the bathroom said “employees must wash hands”.
I waited over two hours for an employee to come in to wash my hands before I washed them myself and went home.
Due to COVID-19 a grocery store started paying its employees in vegetables
Why are IRS employees always tired when they get home?
What kind of benefits do footwear company employees get?
So I know of this mall that uses animal employees...
I was walking along the food court when I saw this one animal that was incredibly overdressed compared to the others. While most where in their uniform, this one was in a red and gold robe, and was strangely being followed by a bunch of Buddhist monks.
I asked one of the customers if it was an Alpaca Packer.
They said no.
It's the Deli Llama.
How did the supervisor deal with the incompetent employees?
A podcast hosted by NASA employees
All of my employees came down with MRSA.
If was a staff infection.
Went to the restroom in a restaurant and saw a sign that said “Employees must wash hands”
I waited as long as I could but nobody came, so I just washed them myself.
Why have bakeries been having such a hard time holding on to employees lately?
Because their turnover rates are on the rise.
How does the ice cream store train it’s employees?
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
"Yeah our current employees are pretty lame" - Management
TIL: All IKEA employees must attend a mandatory meeting every morning before they start their shift.
I was trying to make some jokes about lazy employees
But I don't think they'll work.
A monkey was arrested today when he started throwing feces at zoo employees
Three of the zoo employees were rushed to hospital with turd debris burns
Unpaid employees don't like non-wage jokes.
Do you know why Apple employees work in closed offices?
Cause they don’t have Windows.
TIL Subway employees can get fired for mixing up an order just once.
What do you think of the employees of my new facTORY
The animal care industry is very careful in hiring employees.
They vet all of their doctors.
For some reason, my employees keep thinking I'm Mike Rowe.
They're always telling me to "stop Mike Rowe managing" them.
I don't even look like him.
In my bakery I told my employees that the white bread was underbaked and overproofed. Something went wrong.
Then one employee said we could still sell it cuz it's gone aRYE.
What happens when employees get motivated
Employees at the ice cream shop were very knowledgeable about new flavors coming out...
They had the inside scoop
What did the Muslim boss say to his hardworking employees?
What’s Captain Picard’s first instruction to his employees, in anticipation of the Friday evening crowds at a Mexican restaurant that he supervises?
“Make queso, number one.”
So a council meeting involving a large sum of employees were under major stress on what to call their restaurant. The team leader was furiously dissatisfied and screamed:
Why aren't Southern Rail employees getting advent calendars this Christmas?
Cause they can't decide who's responsible for opening the doors.
Kid's of Air traffic control employees must get grounded a lot.
Employees Must Wash Hands.
If an employee is not available, wash your own.
The animal care industry is very careful in hiring employees.
They vet all of their doctors.
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