Because Hems-worthy
I need a Plan B.
It's a minute tour.
Because his resume said he was a web designer.
Me: Well, your search ends today. At my previous job, whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.
They needed a new branch manager.
“Oh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.
The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.
At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!
“You’re hired!!” He exclaimed.
The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.
A bystander asked “who is he?”
The priest responded “I don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”
so they can install antivirus for everyone
They had a feeling he'd be a sails killer
To antagonize a local QT and mess with their registers. That way I can get a snack, wait in line and every five minutes say, punctually, "Man, this quick trip is taking a long time."
It'll be my entertainment for an afternoon.
Dad told me I should weigh the pros and cons first.
... to make up puns. They're all horrible.
And nothing to chauffeur it.
Put a brick under each foot
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked.
The monk replied "religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, but why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
because he was good at bacon
To fix the blinds
She called me a massage-anist.
I want someone to look up to me to
I hate paying bills!!
I told him, "I'm too tall for the lower car."
They were charged with re-belling.
A Ferdinand is worth two in the bush.
Serves me right.
He didn't want his metaphors to be taken literally.
Either they charge a lot of money, or they are pro bono.
Landscape gardener says nope can't do it your gardens in portrait
Works for me!
He claims that they haven't hit anything.
Cause they're always traders
An Italian woman, because you can't get pasta
A dis-count.
over a mediocre one
The steaks are high.
He had no first-hand experience.
After that, sales were booming
I want to hear more about the big storm system in the area but they keep asking for updates from a "meaty urologist."
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked
the monk replied "Religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked
the monk replied "Religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
