A list of puns related to "Hardware"
"Go in there and get me 2 sorb awls"
A Hacksaw.
That was out of the blue.
I thought to myself “these should be free of charge”.
"No, it kills them."
I hate long good buys.
He asked if I wanted decking... Lucky I got the first punch in
It’s one of those you push in the ground on your lawn. When I put it in (that’s what she said), I remembered that flags are being flown at half mast.
So I pushed it in a little farther.
No one laughed harder about that than I did at the time and I just wanted to share with you all.
My doctor has prescribed me an ace inhibitor for my blood pressure
This was from a conversation my wife and I had yesterday. She asked me why I always go to Lowe’s instead of the local hardware store seeing as I’m all about supporting local businesses. I told her it’s because I take lisinopril and it’s an ace inhibitor.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
“Got any two watt bulbs?”
“For what?”
“That’ll do I’ll take two.”
“Two what?”
“I thought you didn’t have any.”
“Any what?”
“Ok then!”
Me: "No, son. But, don't be mad that we don't. There's no need to take a fence."
> -- Which one, Sir?
> -- The kind of brownish reddish one?
> -- Uh, we've never had any reddish browns on sale.
> -- Oh. Then I guess it must have been a... pigment of my imagination.
The husband suggested composite materials. Meanwhile the wife took him for granite
Personally, I don’t think his argument holds water.
Last week I caught someone trying to steal a light bulb! When I asked them if they needed help the person quickly shoved the bulb into their mouth and muttered. "Nah mate just looking for a light snack!" and walked off.
A Ware-house
It didn't take much time to make my mother bored.
Queue me enthusiastically from my desk, “so what you’re saying is, you saw’ved all their problems?!”
They hate my humor.
Police say they have nothing to go on.
I told her to level with me about what she did.
All the files were deleted.
Talk about boring!
It was a steel
They ask: are you guys going to get any more evaporative coolers? The employee answers: I’m not sure, we’ve been pretty SWAMPED recently so for now we’re all out.
***Was I the employee in this story? ...yes
The cashier asks "are you putting it up yourself?"
The man replies "no, I'm putting it in the living room."
Toad's tools
because they are flush with spades
Wife: I got the hello kitty design on the key because they only had sports teams or plain ones
Me: you don't like aviation?
Wife: (5 second pause then groan and eyeroll)
So, who will a-system? o:
Dad and I went to the hardware store to buy fencing wire on the weekend. As we're walking in the door, dad turns to me all serious and says "Remind me again: wire we here?"
Cashier "How long do you need these 2x4s?"
Dad "Oh a long time we're building a shed"
Gr8 Dad
... with my partner yesterday. We were just browsing through the doors aisle, got a little separated. He called me over, said I should see the next aisle. I asked why and he said, "It's more doors." I replied, "One does not simply walk into more doors!"
My dad told me this, one of my grandpa's old jokes.
When he went into the hardware store to buy lumber, he would ask for some 2x4's. When the guy at the desk asked how long he wanted them, he would say "Oh a long time, we're building a deck"
When we got to the counter to mix the paint he said to the lady I want it shaken, not stirred.
"No, it kills them."
He said, “No, it kills them.”
I hate long good buys.
“Got any two watt bulbs?”
“For what?”
“That’ll do I’ll take two.”
“Two what?”
“I thought you didn’t have any.”
“Any what?”
“Ok then!”
I hate long good buys.
The cashier asks "are you putting it up yourself?"
The angel replies "yes."
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