Fronting Puns

Because noble gases do not cause reactions.

I said “woah, Butter fingers!”

I was pushing my daughter in a stroller and The young girl he was working with snorted and said “at least you’re a dad, you’re allowed to make bad jokes”

Proud moment.

On another note, I suck at playing darts.

At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.

Because it's the Griffin Door.

She didn't get it. And didn't think it was funny when I explained it. I thought it might be better received here.

Focusing on the nicely lit up deer decorations on their lawn, I asked my kids, “How much do you think those deer weigh?” From the back seat: “I don’t know” and “Who cares?” and “What are you talking about?” Me: “I’m just saying, they look pretty light.”

You'll get two tired

Because of my ugly mug.

Tripped a fan.

.

Apparently the sheriff don’t like it if you rock the cat’s paw.

"Well, your nose needs some lovin', too. See [kid] nose what I'm talking about." "Because she's spending too much time at the ol' factory"

Crickets. I have work to do...

The clerk said, “no it’s the regular kind, you sick-o”

"This thing does have airbags, right?"

But the bartender was firm.

"Get out of here! I don't serve strings!"

The 2nd string sadly leaves.

The 3rd string said, "Both of you are dumb. Watch this!"

And so he frays himself, and ties himself into a knot. He went in, and asked for a beer.

The bartender eyed him suspiciously.

"Are you a string?" the bartender asked.

"Nope!" said the string. "I'm a frayed knot!"

(Quite the yarn, eh?) 😉

It is impeccable

Because he was a kiwi.

Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.

They really should be thanking their mother for that.

Pop music.

They're offensive.

..do you just get exhausted ?

After all, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

I said, "Yes. Today is the first day of Fall."

1 yard

Witnesses said the encounter was within their 'eyeshot'

I mean the whole point is that there are kids there. Should we really be encouraging monkeys to drink in front of children?

The first can make you tired, the second can make you exhausted.

It's called Pastor of Muppets

I said, "look at that butterfly!"

Enochs

But at least I got to see the trailer.

I took her to Subway and that's how the fight started.

I’m after you now

I'm getting really sick of all the NSFW jokes that have been hitting the front page lately. I know I'm not the only one who feels this either. IF YOU CAN'T TELL THE JOKE TO YOUR KID, IT'S NOT A DAD JOKE. dad jokes are clean, thats why they're dad jokes. If you have an NSFW joke, please refer to r/unclejokes. I'm sorry if I sound whiney, but dad jokes are dad jokes and uncle jokes are uncle jokes.

It was a coup d’etat

Bob.

Bartender says, “Hey man, you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?”

The pirate says, “Arrr! It’s driving me nuts!”

Napoleon blown apart

Mice.

He was a private tutor.

Because he was facing a big bill

Matt.

All I could think was "He's a queue tip."

Whiskey

Dad-"Man, that fart stinks. It smells like updog."

Son-"Whats updog?"

Dad-"Not much, what's up with you?"