I keep forgetting that Tom Petty passed away and it makes me sad
He don’t come around here no more
I keep forgetting the guitar tabs to that one Sublime song...
I guess you could say I dont practice Santeria.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That shit is getting old," I told him.
PS: Do I get any extra credit if this is a real story?
My 9-year-old son Luke was forgetting to use his cutlery again at dinner.
So in my best Obi-Wan Kenobi voice I said, "Luke, use the fork!"
“Doc, I think I have ADHD. I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford.”
Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works.
“But I keep losing my Focus!”
I got arrested for forgetting to take out my wallet before washing my pants.
I was charged with money laundering.
With the onset of age, I'm forgetting really simple things, like the fact that cheese is made from milk.
Previously it would've a curd to me.
My son recently got casted as a sheep in a play but was nervous about forgetting his lines
I said "Son you're just feeling sheepish"
What do you call it when you keep forgetting things?
got fired from a newspaper company for forgetting important text.
Why did the farmer keep forgetting where he left his pigs?
He suffered from hamnesia.
My gf broke up with me because I kept forgetting her name.
But then again, who are you to tell me that?
I have a problem where i keep forgetting mental notes, so i came up with a solution.
If only I could remember what it was...
I watched a video of Bradley Cooper forgetting his lines on set
I guess you could call him Bradley Blooper
Civil engineer fired after forgetting how to design electricity-generating water barriers.
Everyone is talking about how ISIS is causing so much trouble in the Middle East, but what they're forgetting is that ISIS just frozen water
I used to go over to my grandmother's house in the middle of the night and drink earl grey with her. It was our ritual. I called this evening out of habit, forgetting she had passed away, and her ghost answered.
I guess you could call it a boo-tea call.
Whenever I give him grief for confusing or forgetting my friends' names...
"What'd you say Steve?"
(my name is not Steve)
Classic joke after forgetting something in the house.
Me: Bye dad, I'll see you in a few hours after I get home from the movies!
Dad: Bye!
me leaving and returning 5 seconds later because I forgot something such as my keys or gkasses
Dad: Wow, you're back so quick! That must have been a short movie!
Yes don't forget to take it.
I once asked Tom Jones if he ever forgets the lyrics....
He said, it’s not unusual.
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words before he kicked the bucket
"Do you wanna see how far I can kick that bucket?"
Why did the banana forget to take out the garbage?
I'll never forget my grandfathers last words to me..
"Would you stop shaking the fucking ladder?!"
(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit--
I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit--
Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
I'll never forget the day I got married....
I've tried everything.....Alcohol. Drugs, even Hypnosis.
I remember when I left home for the first time, my mum said to me, "Don't forget to write!"
I thought to myself, 'That's unlikely,Its a basic skill, why should I?"
DOES ANYONE ELSE FORGET THE ABBREVIATION FOR MAINE?
When I left home to go on a business trip, my wife said "Don't forget to write"
I thought, "That's unlikely... it's a basic skill, isn't it?"
Only two things make me forget about all the shit that's going on with my life. Comedy and......
Don’t forget to dress warm tomorrow
It’s going to be minus 45.
I’ll never forget the day I saw the ugliest man I’ve ever seen.
The dude thought it was funny to copy my every move, he’s lucky there was a pane of glass between us.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Was checking my son's essay about the countryside and saw he kept writing the word 'hll'. So I told him to never forget...
I forget things once in awhile.
I have Someteimer’s.
(Courtesy of my mom).
Guess they should read the bio next time
Don’t forget to tip the waitress
I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party and she was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate...
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
Why do beginner artist always forget to draw the stick figure’s thumb when they draw a fist?
They forgot the punchline
My wife tells me I have 2 major faults,
I don't listen - and something else.
I had a joke about a grizzly in my car but i always forget the punch line ..
A painter forgets to paint the trim a different color.
The home owner comes out and says “That’s all white.”
Don't forget your protective eyewear
Right before he kicked the bucket, my grandpa said to me:
"Hey, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
I’ll never forget the last thing my late grandfather said to me.
Why did the limping Donkey cross the road ?...Ahh forget it.
.. Sorry for such a lame Ass joke.
Had an argument with my wife...
She keeps forgetting my toast with my breakfast, and I’m extremely lack toast intolerant.
Why can't an elephant forget?
He has a trunk full of memories.
When you order a large combo meal in north korea what size is your drink?
Who does a Muslim ask when he forgets about the greatest Mughal Emperor?
Don’t forget to dress warm tomorrow
I heard it’s going to be minus 45
When I was leaving home for the first time, my dad said to me, "Don't forget to write."
I thought, "That's unlikely. It's a basic skill, isn't it ?"
I'll never forget my old man's last words before he kicked the bucket:
"Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
I will never forget the last thing what my late grandfather told me.
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