Praying mantises don't all follow the same religion.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.
I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
Doctors say some effects of COVID-19 may follow patients for life.
You could say it's a choronic disease.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
If electricity always follows the path of least resistance,
Why doesn't lighting always strike in France?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 14 2020
The director told me to follow the pencil with my eyes.
Honestly, I couldnβt see the point.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
A large bird follows me wherever I go.
I think Iβm being storked.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
What follows two eyes?
π︎ 264
π
︎ May 17 2020
My 7 yr old sister did a huge fart and I told her to say excuse me and she follows with this:
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
One of my own tweets. (follow me @tidytuanzebe)
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jul 12 2020
What creature do you follow to find your way out of a swamp?
π︎ 42
π
︎ Aug 14 2020
For a Chemistry teacher, what is the golden rule that his class must follow?
That they maintain decAurum
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 25 2020
What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 13 2020
I always wanted to follow my dear Dad as a commercial fisherman..
But his Net income always put me off.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
During this outbreak, we must follow all directions from the Police
So don't stand so close to me
π︎ 161
π
︎ Mar 28 2020
My Daughter told me yesterday that she was just thankful that I had inspired her to follow her dreams
Actually she just sits around, smokes weed all day and never calls me, but a Dad can dream.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 03 2020
Why are online talks so hard to follow?
Too many speakers. Every device has one.
π︎ 16
π
︎ May 19 2020
How do you Follow people on Facebook?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
If the Kavanaugh ordeal has taught us anything it's that the things you do in these college boys' clubs will follow you...
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Sep 29 2018
Why did the seed follow a German seven
Because he wanted to germinate!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 03 2020
What do you call a ghost that follows Instaram meme pages
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 08 2020
With everyone quarantined and staying inside, there is no one out to spy on or follow around...
The stalk market is very weak.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 18 2020
What kind of cookies doesn't follow orders
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 19 2020
They should have a follow-up to the G-7 meeting called the C Major Summit.
Maybe that will resolve things.
(Not OC but I saw it on FB and it was new to me)
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 29 2019
Why do Filipino children always follow you around?
Because they're taught to Tagalong.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 21 2020
After the G7 summit, they should follow it up with a C major summit
So things can get resolved
π︎ 51
π
︎ Aug 29 2019
My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the latest Batman film. Our dates so far can be summarised as follows:
Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, Batman
π︎ 29
π
︎ Nov 03 2019
When I die I want my gravestone to say as follows:
Not appreciating my puns when I was alive was a grave mistake
π︎ 39
π
︎ Aug 06 2019
How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
π︎ 59
π
︎ Jan 11 2019
What do you call an ant that follows you everywhere?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 29 2019
I changed my religion to follow the teachings of St. Francis, my dad was not pleased
He said 'no son of mine is going to be assisi!'
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 13 2019
My daughter wants the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she can have one if she gets good grades, does her chores and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone because
It's my way, or the Huawei
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 28 2019
If you're a doctor who doesn't follow privacy laws...
...does that make you a HIPAAcrite?
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 31 2018
A woman worried about the suspicious behavior of her husband decides to follow him. Instead of going to the office, she finds him in a small laboratory making soap.
Caught in the act he admits, "Honey, I've been living a lye..."
π︎ 22
π
︎ Aug 08 2018
If you follow this link to comments, and check OP's gif, this should be in the hall of fame...
https://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/aqpdep/if_at_first_you_dont_succeed/egho6hb?context=1
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 15 2019
I told my friend that I follow r/dadjokes too
And he had the nerve to respond with βwell why donβt you follow the first one?β
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 23 2018
The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!
Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"
"Yes you are"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 07 2019
One day I want to create a documentary that follows the life of a dolphin trainer. Iβll call it, βliving with a porpoise.β
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 16 2018
I had to follow my dream of being a carpenter, even though I always end up injured.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 27 2019
I don't need to follow my instincts...
I know where they hangout.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 20 2019
I think it's weird Abba doesn't follow its own rhyme scheme
'She is the dancing queen
Young and lean
Only seventeen.'
Might as well be called Aaa
π︎ 48
π
︎ Dec 23 2017
Camping tip: If smoke follows beauty, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder...
... then smoke is always in your eye.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 03 2019
What kind of bear follows you into the bathroom?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 06 2018
My wife suggested we follow some Marie Kondo tips to tidying up our home
I asked her if we should wait for the townhouse version
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 09 2019
My dad wants me to follow in his footsteps and become a clown.
I have some big shoes to fill.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Mar 27 2018
How do you follow a flying boy with a camera?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 04 2018
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