She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DINC44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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I went to the doctor and he told me: "Don't eat anything fatty." I asked: "What like pizzas or burgers?"

He replied: "No fatty. Just don't eat anything."

πŸ‘︎ 210
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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I had a physical and my doctor said, "don't eat anything fatty". I said like "bacon and cheeseburgers ?"

He said "No, fatty, don't eat anything!"

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the angry fatty acid?

It was lipid.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nbarlam
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
So while at the dr recently, he told me an ultrasound revealed I have a fatty liver

I looked him dead in the eyes and said look at me, I weigh 360 lbs I have a fatty everything.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johndeerdrew
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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My doctor told me not to eat anything fatty. I asked him if he meant bacon and eggs.

But he said, "No fatty. Stop eating!"

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
fatty

me: you know I weight-lift in the morning?

dad: what, by getting out of bed?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evianwasser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at the doctor's yesterday. He said, "You are very overweight, so don’t eat anything fatty."

I asked, "You mean like bacon, sausage and chocolate ?" He answered, "No fatty. Don't eat anything!"

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is fatty acid the coolest carbon chain?

Because it's fat with a pH

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/An_Arrogant_Ass
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at my head.

It's OK though as my injuries are only super fish oil.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I got my son a PS5 like he wanted... the note read...

Dear son,

Merry Christmas!

PS: do your homework.

PPS: do your chores.

PPPS: go outside and play and stop playing video games

PPPPS: you're a fatboy, fattie. You eat too much crap food.

PPPPPS: we're shipping you off to military school next year!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My stoner friend used my daily agenda notebook to roll up a joint.

He is now high on my list of priorities.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Got my gf today at the movies

Her: I love movie theater popcorn so much. It's just so good! Even people that don't like popcorn like movie theater popcorn!

Me: I guess you could say it's...popular corn.

She was not pleased.

πŸ‘︎ 464
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wulffu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2014
🚨︎ report
Got my girlfriend good last night

My back has been hurting lately, an last night when my girlfriend came by, she did me the favor of rubbing my back. As she got lower, I told her about a smallish fatty lump on my lower right side. She asked if it hurt to rub or touch, and I said calmly without thinking, "nah, it hasn't hurt anyone, doesn't ever do anything but cyst there."

We sat in silence for a few seconds as we realized what just happened. I couldn't stop smiling, but the house groaned.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/De4con
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Daddy's Breakfast Bacon

Mom, "Pookie, can you turn off the bacon please?" Dad walks up to the pan and says, "You're ugly and fatty and I don't want to be with you." He turns to mom, "Okay, they're not in the mood anymore."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unabated
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
🚨︎ report
I just had a physical, the doctor said β€œdon’t eat anything fatty”

I said β€œlike bacon and burgers?”

He said β€œno fatty, don’t eat anything!”

πŸ‘︎ 263
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πŸ‘€︎ u/call8212
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the angry fatty acid?

It was lipid.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nbarlam
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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