Suety Puns

I’ve said before that the years my Brothers and I spent with Gram and Gramp were in many ways our salvation, and I still hold it to be true.

They were strict with us. They had to be. At a young age, we had already seen and experienced much that boys as young as we should not have.

In that we were not alone, of course. But we were already becoming a little wild, and the unfocused anger that we would deal with for much if not most of our lives was already beginning to build.

Life with Dad in the City had not been an easy one up to that point. His alcoholism and his own demons and anger had not been easy to live with. The treatment Mother endured at his hands was not an easy thing for young boys to helplessly watch.

Though Little Brother did try to kill him once, trying to protect Mother. But a four-year-old lacks the strength for an effective stabbing, and another Brother and I pulled him off and wrestled his weapon away before he could. We were afraid for him.

A metal fork is not an appropriate tool for the job, anyway. But he was in a hurry, and it was the first thing he saw. So he really tried to fork him up, lol.

As stated, they were strict with us; Gram and Gramp. But always with great love, and we always knew it. I look back on it as a time of healing for us, and a time of preparation.

I would realize only later that much if not all of it was with specific intent. Gramp was a wise man. He knew that our lives up to that point had not been easy ones, and that they would not be in the future when we eventually returned to live again with Mother in the City. He knew the place. Though he was not of it, he knew it for what it was. He knew the darkness that dwelled within its hated confines, and the degradation of humanity that was its essence. Unlike our home in the mountains, it was an unnatural place.

Through hard work and discipline, he taught us to be strong mentally and physically, and to depend upon ourselves, and look out for each other. Though we did not recognize it at the time, in all the many things he taught us, he was preparing us always; getting us ready for what he knew was to come.

We would all realize that truth as time went by, and Gram and he would have from us all the respect, love, and gratitude that we had to give. Gram would later tell us that we were more her children than were some of her own children. And we would understand.

But there was a space of time between Dad no longer being a

Phil

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

Sudden Lee

Well, toucan play at that game.

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

Windows

She said apple-lutely

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.

I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.

When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."

From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"

Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.

Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

Japan.

it's Hans free now..

second hand stores!

Old Neeeeiiiiighvy

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

A buck-an-ear!

I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!

Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasn’t expecting this!

He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.

and not:

Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless

That was the punchline

It’s for Hispanic attacks

Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"

I did not know.

So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"

So proud.

Feyonce

He was so brave and even tried to encourage us, the family around him, with his last breaths. He kept whispering to us to Be Positive.

He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.