Swiggity swooty leaping for dat raw suety!
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Cheshix
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 19 2018
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"Welcam bak suetie"
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VerdGehirn
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 20 2021
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Suetie-rรฅajvarimmieh Trรฅantesne nrk.no/sapmi/suetie-raajvโ€ฆ
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kimme
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 27 2020
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Careless Cruelty

Iโ€™ve said before that the years my Brothers and I spent with Gram and Gramp were in many ways our salvation, and I still hold it to be true.

They were strict with us. They had to be. At a young age, we had already seen and experienced much that boys as young as we should not have.

In that we were not alone, of course. But we were already becoming a little wild, and the unfocused anger that we would deal with for much if not most of our lives was already beginning to build.

Life with Dad in the City had not been an easy one up to that point. His alcoholism and his own demons and anger had not been easy to live with. The treatment Mother endured at his hands was not an easy thing for young boys to helplessly watch.

Though Little Brother did try to kill him once, trying to protect Mother. But a four-year-old lacks the strength for an effective stabbing, and another Brother and I pulled him off and wrestled his weapon away before he could. We were afraid for him.

A metal fork is not an appropriate tool for the job, anyway. But he was in a hurry, and it was the first thing he saw. So he really tried to fork him up, lol.

As stated, they were strict with us; Gram and Gramp. But always with great love, and we always knew it. I look back on it as a time of healing for us, and a time of preparation.

I would realize only later that much if not all of it was with specific intent. Gramp was a wise man. He knew that our lives up to that point had not been easy ones, and that they would not be in the future when we eventually returned to live again with Mother in the City. He knew the place. Though he was not of it, he knew it for what it was. He knew the darkness that dwelled within its hated confines, and the degradation of humanity that was its essence. Unlike our home in the mountains, it was an unnatural place.

Through hard work and discipline, he taught us to be strong mentally and physically, and to depend upon ourselves, and look out for each other. Though we did not recognize it at the time, in all the many things he taught us, he was preparing us always; getting us ready for what he knew was to come.

We would all realize that truth as time went by, and Gram and he would have from us all the respect, love, and gratitude that we had to give. Gram would later tell us that we were more her children than were some of her own children. And we would understand.

But there was a space of time between Dad no longer being a

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/itsallalittleblurry
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 18 2021
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a hole?

Phil

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Rumblebully
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 30 2021
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DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Von_Bostaph
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 18 2021
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Did you know Bruce Lee has a faster older brother?

Sudden Lee

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 02 2021
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I'd ruther not say
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Un_FaZed211
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 01 2021
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Rational
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mainhoonmadrasi
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 30 2021
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My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns.

Well, toucan play at that game.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Zayan-ali
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 30 2021
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There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/jzagri
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 24 2021
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If Apple made a car what would it be missing?

Windows

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Moplex1234
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 02 2021
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My 3 yr old daughter made her first pun today and I almost cried. She was eating an apple and I asked her if she liked apples.

She said apple-lutely

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 29 2021
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What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/tieyz
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 27 2021
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Proud dad moment.

Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.

I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.

When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."

From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"

Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.

Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/LaBarbaGuapa
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 01 2021
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What was a very common name in the middle ages?

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/give_me_my_identity
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 24 2021
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Apologies if it's a bit corn-y
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mediashiznaks
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 26 2021
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Gottemm
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Un_FaZed211
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 29 2021
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What pan is the best to make sushi in?

Japan.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Most-Stomach4240
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 01 2021
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so many choices
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SailorNebula
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 07 2021
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Well that didn't cross my mind
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/JasonPetreasCoach
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 11 2021
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He knows too much
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Potato_salad123
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 24 2021
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I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..

it's Hans free now..

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 28 2021
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where do pirates get their hooks?

second hand stores!

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/bigus-_-dickus
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 25 2021
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I've spent all morning trying to think of a quality pun, just to come up with THIS otter rubbish.
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/awesome_smokey
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 28 2021
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My 6 year old wanted me to share his joke with you all. What is a horses favorite store?

Old Neeeeiiiiighvy

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/WantedDadorAlive
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 28 2021
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3.14159265387279 snek
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/After-Satisfaction-3
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 20 2021
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Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/theimmortalmeluhan
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 27 2021
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How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buck-an-ear!

I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!

Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasnโ€™t expecting this!

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/motherduck5
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 25 2021
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Rock bottom
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Theo19555
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 23 2021
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My Son Ate a Bunch of Scrabble Tiles. My Wife is Scared but I'm not...

He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/hypeaze
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 23 2021
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I never really understood why it was spelled: camouflage

and not:

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/professorf
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 01 2021
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Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $3.00

Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 28 2021
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"

That was the punchline

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 29 2021
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I threw up in the toilet
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/exotic_butters1275
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 25 2021
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Hot
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AlexxFruit
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 22 2021
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Saw this on insta @PunHubOnline
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Haidi7
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 26 2021
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My Mexican friend takes anti-anxiety medication

Itโ€™s for Hispanic attacks

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/monolocomotive
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 01 2021
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Had a good chuckle
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/LittleBigOwl
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 21 2021
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Today on a walk my son was asking about a bunch of plants and stuff, he pointed to one and I said it was a fungi.

Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"

I did not know.

So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"

So proud.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/smoffatt34920
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 26 2021
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At what point does it stop being grave robbing and start being archaeology?
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Unholy_Jer
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 28 2021
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What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 22 2021
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So my dad just died because he needed blood and we didnโ€™t know his blood type.

He was so brave and even tried to encourage us, the family around him, with his last breaths. He kept whispering to us to Be Positive.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/BritishTeeth11
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 14 2021
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The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, โ€œIโ€™ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?โ€

He said, โ€œChange the batteries in your hearing aidโ€.

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/BritishTeeth11
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 19 2021
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