My wife said I'd gotten fat since she married me me...
I said "Yeah, you got 50% more of me. That's a great return on investment!"
What do you call a fat psychic?
Finally my winter fat has gone...
Now, I have spring rolls.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
I was out on a safari when i saw this big, fat, grey animal limping painfully toward a muddy pond. I asked the tour guide if it was injured...
He said, "No, it's just a hip-hurt-potamus"
What do you call a fat alchoholic?
Fat people are always the ones to make change
Because no matter what they always tip the scales
My wife said "I look fat, give me a compliment"
I said "you got perfect eyesight."
Just told my wife this one after she said she was fat, I'm in trouble
Wife : "I feel fat, do you still love me?"
Me : "I'll love you thru Thikk and thin"
What does Thor need now that he’s fat?
What do fat people die of?
Ny wife's got so fat, that I've had to keep all the fattening stuff at a place she can't reach....
So I'm not fat but I tried the rowing machine
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?” She smiled and answered...
My wife told me, “ Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”
“You’re much bigger than that.”
Relationships are like fat people....
Most of them don't work out.
I'm fat, because I'm full of experiences...
.....and most of these experiences involved Mexican food.
I never worry about how fat I am
They say good things come to those who weight
What do you call a fat ariana grande?
A fat man came into the store trying to decide if he wanted a hammock. He laid down in the display model and I tried pushing him so he could feel what it was like to gently rock. I wasn't strong enough. He left without purchasing it.
My wife said to me, "am I getting fat?"
"No, sweetheart, you've been fat for years." I'll miss her.
It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....
My son's science fair entry was a volcano made of a fat product from rendering the fatty tissue of a pig. My son's fat teacher waddled around everywhere when he set it off...
The lard ash was everywhere!
Fat Tuesday?
Yep, and the rest of the week too!
My son is getting so fat, I've decided to put all his favourite snacks at a place he can't reach.
What do you call a fat polar bear?
Why did the clock get fat?
It kept going for seconds.
My wife told me, “You shouldn’t take it personally if people call you fat...”
...”You are much bigger than that.”
My wife complains that I'm getting fat. So this winter I decided to diet.
It's called inter"mitten" fasting to keep my hands of food
I don't understand how Elvis got so fat....
He ate nothing but a hound dog.
Thank you, thank you very much.....
My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defence...
I’ve had a lot on my plate recently.
How does a clock get fat?
It gains weight OVER TIME
I have a joke about fat people with big asses.
Butt weight....That's not fanny.
I saw an insect that was trying to jump on a fat guy's chest again and again.
I think it's preying man tits.
If you give a pirate a fat booty and a full chest, what does he have?
I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party and she was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate...
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
Where are fat people from?
Someone called me fat
But did I get mad? No, I was the bigger man.
Why are fat penguins so popular at parties?
They know how to break the ice
What do you call a fat liar sitting down?
What do you call a really fat knight?
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