A buddy of mine works on an oil field. I had to stop spending time with him..
Because his sense of humor was too crude
Today I bought extra virgin olive oil
After I used it it was just olive oil.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Hydrogenated THC oil is a high margarine commodity
Where does extra virgin olive oil comes from ?
Came home from the store with off-brand vegetable oil
wife threw it directly in the trash to teach me a wesson
People were offended when I told them a joke about oil.
They did not like my crude humor. I'll have to refine it.
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"
I heard a large oil company is making fuel out of bug urine...
Which country has the most oil?
My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied “baby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...
But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha
I went on a date, and all she kept talking about for three hours was olive oil
I’m thinking extra virgin
I tried my wife's essential oils for the first time today.
Worst french fries I've ever had.
Why is it so hard to impress oil connoisseurs?
Peanut oil is made from peanuts. Olive oil is from olives..
I'm not ever buying any more baby oil.
My wife shouted, “You’re shirtless and also covered in oil?” I chuckled, “Well, you’re always saying I never glisten.”
“Listen! You never listen!”
If the price of oil futures goes any deeper, it will hit oil.
If someone makes their fortune in ships, we call them a shipping magnate. If someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate. What do you call someone who makes their fortune...
Martin finds an old oil lamp
Genie: "You get three wishes. I can't kill anybody, I can't make anybody fall in love, I can't bring anybody back from the dead, and you can't wish for more wishes."
Alladin: "I wish that I was rich!"
Genie: "Done."
Rich: "... I wish that I have a lot of money."
I left it late to get a gift for my mum for Mother’s Day. Ended up at a petrol station. I bought her some Lorry Oil...
What did the oil say when it crashed it's price into negative value?
If you’re thinking about doing something illegal oil yourself up first.
That way you’re a smooth criminal.
What kind of oil does Popeyes Chicken use?
A jar of peanut butter needed an oil change
Brought it in for an oil change, says he only drives it from time to time.
What did the oil lamp say to the flickering candle?
Do you want to go out sometime soon?
Q. What's the most important thing you can do with crude oil?
A. Teach it proper manners!
“Oil on Canvas.”—- Anonymous Artist, circa 21st century.
“Oil on canvas”——Anonymous Artist, circa 21st century.
Oil on canvas. Hehe (best part? It was painted with acrylic!)
How does virgin olive oil become extra virgin olive oil?
After getting dating advice from a Redditor.
Oil bet this would be great to drive out and go star gazing with
What's a ducks favorite motor oil?
Olive oil
My uncle Arnie asked me if I knew where extra virgin olive oil came from. I said no and he said very ugly trees.
Someone shipped me a box of essential oils
And now I have a case of the vapors
How much oil was spilled?
I just sauteed some leeks and a couple of eggs in olive oil, added cauliflower soup and put it all in a blender. I call it
Soup of cauliflower, leeks, two eggs and olive oil juice.
Is that vegetable oil?
"No I melted some butter"
"Thanks for clarifying"
So I work in the oil and gas industry and I just lost my job because of all these wind farms
Needless to say, I’m not a big fan.
I heard "Starry Night" was painted with oils
I could use it to make my Van Go
Archaeologists have discovered an oil stain that might be more than a thousand years old.
Olive oil and I have one thing in common
Working at sams club i would collect boxes as they would empty. A customer came up to me and said "can i have a few of those flat boxes? I use them when i change my car oil so it doesnt stain my floor."
So I say "of course, that's a great idea. That's really thinking outside the box."
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."
Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!
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