Disappointment Puns

I told her, " The escalator is just like an elevator but with extra steps."

When the package came....the box was empty.

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Yesterday my almost 3 year old daughter was took my ears and said: "Daddy, I took your ears. You don't have your ears anymore" Me: "what?" She: "Daddy, I took your ears. You don't have your ears anymore" Me: "What?" She: "You don't have your ears anymore" Me: "But what? I cannot hear you, because I don't have my ears anymore"

She looked, understood wat I was saying and then turned to me at me with a face of huge disappointment...

I still think it was funny though

Hmm, maybe I should start giving my race horses normal names.

When the package arrived it was empty. They also charged me twice.....lesson learned.

It’s two Chewie.

My uncle said to my grandmother that he saw a picture of Jane Fonda when she was younger and he said she was really cute. I say across the room, "I guess he was really Fonda her"

I was on my phone and saw a link from /r/whoadude about how big the moon is and I showed it to my dad and said "Wow that is how big the moon is!". He said "No. I think the moon is bigger than your phone."

I grabbed a brand new pallet from the stack, turned to my coworker, and said "did I just have some ginger? Because this pallet is fresh!"

My sister was holding my injured dogs paw and said to our dad: "dad we should really get his paw looked at" My dad respobded: "I would but I don't even know his dad"

To get to the other sigh

How would I know? You’ve made me the proudest dad alive.

The kid behind the counter said, sorry we only take cash or credit cards

I-nu-it

Cut film to vent.

Mentos

Apparently, nobody was interested in buying ‘Shatner Panties’.

data point

Especially since our founding fathers made it a point to guarantee us the right to bare arms

It always end in an Auntie climax.

Why is it pronounced Bri ish?

Because they drank the t.

The plot was predictable. The special f(x) was terrible.

it will only let me watch episodes 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13

...Colby

...that the band 'Toto' was not made up of former members of the band 'Kansas'.

Now, I'm looking for replacemints.

I thought I'd just put the Fila's out there

I thought that was their Maine attraction.

And they aren't willing to sell me any of their yard.

Smiles. Because there's a mile between the two s.

The finale wasn’t a cliffhanger.

because it was just warm bread.

I was driving from Tennessee to North Carolina the other day and right after I crossed over the Eastern Continental Divide, there was some road construction. A sign there said, "Fines Higher" and I thought to myself, "Huh. Probably because of the elevation."

Then I was disappointed because I was by myself and there was nobody there to tell.

Immediately the bartender tells him to get out "We don't serve pieces of string here!"

The piece of string is a bit disappointed, but has an idea. He ruffles his top and returns to the bar.

"I told you to get out. We don't serve pieces of string here!" said the bartender

The string replies "A piece of string ?? I'm a frayed knot!"

DisappointMINTS!

My performance was really subpar.

He offered me coffee.

I just visited their wireless section and didn't see a single LG BT device

They had raised her butter.

Just Dew It

First Window staffer, who takes the payment: "Hi, it's $7.30 (said like 'seven-thirty')

My Father: "No it's not, it's only 1 o' clock"

But it’s the fort that counts.

It was a shih tzu

The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.