I didn't realize my phone came with noface detection
As a covid detection measure, the eyeglass place took my temperature before I could see the eye doctor.
Does anyone know how I can get it back?
Why do detectives tend to scrutinize individuals with bluish eyes in cases of poisoning?
Because the real killer is usually cyan-eyed.
what do you call a detective electrician?
I’ve got a friend who is an electrician and a part-time detective
We call him Sherlock Ohms.
How did the detective figure out who the engineer murdered?
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
A detective arrives
11.45 : arrived at crime scene
11.45 : Examined body. Signs of struggle
11.45 : Found murder weapon in drain
11.45 : Realised watch was broken
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My son: but this is not a dad joke.
Me : what is a day joke then?
My son : when the joke becomes a(p)parent.
What do you call a crocodile that is a detective?
There was a family of chicken detectives...
They were called “the clue clucks clan”
Within minutes, the detectives knew what the murder weapon was.
Scientists have found a way to detect HIV using sound
They call the device hearing aids
Why did the detective fail to solve the mystery?
Detective Holmes: "Watson, what's taking so long in there?"
Watson (constipated): "No shit, Sherlock."
What do you call a group of racist Irish detectives?
What do you feel when your phone can't detect your bluetooth device ?
A detective was investigating a murder. He soon found that the murder weapon was the bag of the murderer and it had their name on it.
Why are distillery workers such good detectives?
They are always looking for more proof!
There's a detective named Frederick Lee...
His teammate is an anthropomorphic pig who wore a hood like little red riding hood. The pig’s name was Boar-Hood. So this one time, I wanted them to check out a masked menace in New York City. Fred wanted to lead the investigation. But since the criminal’s mask was animal themed, I said to them, “Fred Lee: nay. Boar-hood: spy the man”
What do you get when you cross a mason and a detective?
"There's a 60% chance the killer shot the victim from this spot right here and a 40% chance he shot from over there", said the detective.
"This concludes my probaballistic report."
What is a corrupt detective called?
What will Quentin Tarantino be called if he gets detected with COVID-19?
2 Detectives are covering a case with a farmer
Detective 1: explain what happened please
Farmer: someone has been stealing my radishes for the past 2 months!
Detective 1: what do you think detective 2?
Detective 2: idk Beets me...
The detective bent over to study a clue just as an unknown projectile whizzed by
He sensed something amiss
A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun
Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.
Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).
The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.
What do you call a reptilian detective that wears a sleeveless shirt that just can't let something go?
The police department made all homicide detectives stay under quarantine for two weeks.
>!They had coroner-virus.
Why do ducks make great detectives?
They always quack the case.
A comic series my friend is making about a mustachioed private detective, Jim Velvet and his bumbling partner Humphrey
Detective at work
https://preview.redd.it/1v785xijzcg41.jpg?width=272&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=657f7c0b5d34023420c9b6a75ea11855b5990961
I'm color blind and the other day I thought I could actually detect purple...
...but it was just a pigment of my imagination.
I say my secret superpower is detecting Indian flatbread in any given room.
My friends all say it's naan-sense.
Why are detectives fascinated by female trees?
Because they’re all mysteries.
What is an app which will detect roaches creeping on you?
Mobile developers - APProach
Why was the tomato blushing?
He saw the salad dressing
Officer: The victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar of antlers
Detective: Dear god
Officer: Yes most likely
Someone stole my toilet.
A detective came to the house, but he found nothing to go on.
Did you hear about the police detective with the secret clamp collection?
He had a vice vise vice.
It helped him put the squeeze on suspects.
What do you call a detective electrician?
What do you call a constipated detective
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.
Within minutes, the detective knew exactly what the murder weapon was.
What do you call a constipated detective?
What do you call a reptilian detective that wears sleeveless shirts and just can't let something go?
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.
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