The FBI was shocked to uncover the inspirations of the train collecting serial killer.

He had loco-motives

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigscarydaniel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Scientists recently uncovered evidence of a dinosaur that loved to lift weights.

They've decided to call it hella sore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tutor78
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Archaeologists have uncovered a mummy in egypt covered in nuts and chocolate.

They believe it's Pharaoh Roche.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/woodceilingfan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
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Curious

A guy sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spazpekker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Archaeologists on a dig in Egypt have uncovered a mummy dipped in chocolate and hazelnuts.

Experts believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/86Damacy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
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I'm gonna write a gritty action movie about a mathematician who loses his memory and has to uncover a conspiracy inside the Berlin Academy.

I'll call it: "The Euler Identity"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nman130
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
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Archeologists in Egypt have uncovered the tomb of a mummy that appears to be covered in chocolate and hazelnuts

It's beleived to be the long lost Pharoah Rocher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/philbertagain
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2017
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Santa Claus's tomb may have been uncovered today. Crazy.

And to think, all it took was a hoe hoe hoe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gdmovich
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2017
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Read a news headline about a newly uncovered warm-blooded fish.

Mention it to my roommate and he is asking me details about the article which I havn't read yet.

I respond: "I don't know, I'm not a fishionado".

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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2015
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I found a hole in my wall that I didn't know existed

Me: I never knew that hole was there My Dad: where did you think it was?

I then proceeded to laugh way too much

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stefano9
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2016
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WATCH OUT

I have uncovered a plot by r/punpatrol . They plan to eradicate all puns and dad jokes by going to the source, users. Be warned, they will stop at nothing to get rid of us. They have even taken measures to eliminate moles. We must stop this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyThunderStorm22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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Comforter

Wife: Hey, your sister's wedding is coming up, what do you wanna get her for a gift?

Me: I have no idea. What do you think she'd like?

Wife: Well, she mentioned to your mom that she could really use a comforter for their new bedroom set

Me: A comforter? Oh, yeah, I got that covered.

Wife: You do?

Me: Yeah! Starts rubbing her arm gently

Wife: Wh-what.. are you doing?

Me: shhhhh... it's okayyyy.

Wife: What? What're you doing?

Me: Being a comforter!

(This was before we got married, and she still brings it up to this day for being the most ridiculous dad joke she's ever heard.)

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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An ancient Babylonian general was involved in a plot to overthrow the king...

An ancient Babylonian general was involved in a plot to overthrow the king. But, the plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail.

The general managed to escape and he fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away to meet his followers. Unfortunately, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn't sure his men would find the right one. So, the fugitive general lit a small fire to signal them.

The other generals of the king's army saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and they rushed over and killed him.

The moral of the story?

The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notyourreality
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Important safety warning!

An ancient Babylonian general was once involved in a plot to overthrow the king. His plot included a number of followers in the upper ranks of the army. However, his plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail. The king sentenced him to death without a trial.

However, from the jail he was able to secretly contact his followers to arrange to escape, meet his followers, and attack the king's palace at night. So the night before his scheduled execution, the general managed to escape from prison. He fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away, where his followers would meet him. However, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn't sure if his cohorts would find the right ziggurat. By this time it was twilight, so he lit a small fire and sent smoke signals to indicate in which structure he was hiding.

However, the king's loyal soldiers saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and came to arrest him before he could meet his followers. He was executed later that day.

The moral of the story? WARNING: The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkBrokeMyPots
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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Archeologists in Egypt have recently uncovered a mummy covered in choclate and nuts

Experts believe it to be Pharaoh Roche

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chops9391
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report

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